poem that i wrote.. opnions!!???

Question

Just in a blink of an eye it is gone, never to arise again.
Thinking to myself, “Am I slowly going insane…?”
It happens to everyone I know, but why?
I don’t want to say goodbye.

Day after day, night after night, life is diminished.
So I just lay and wonder, when will mine be finished?
What if this is all a bad dream?
No one really knows if it is just one big scheme.

Only time will tell what is really on the other side.
What will really happen after everyone has died?
God has always been with me, each night.
The question is, am I good enough to go to his height?

From all the mistakes I have made, it is hard to tell where I will go from here.
So I have to wonder, think about what will happen in fear.
May God forgive me and hopefully one day he will see
I have tried as hard as life would let me.

Lies, deception, and cruelty are all part of life
When you are hit with one of these it is like getting stabbed with a knife.
No one knows what will go on beyond this time that God gives you
So I will try my hardest to make it through.

The past is the past and it is something I can never replace
In the future, I will take the tasks that God gives me in one big embrace.
Is this normal? Will I ever be the same as I used to be?
No one else but God holds the key.

Answer 1

Since I am a writer with a lot of experience with poetry and have finally found the "voice" that is particular to me (as we all have our own voice), obviously (as we all would) I would have handeled the imagery and the rhythms a bit differently, but I really feel that this is a wonderful poem because: 1) you are truthful to your own experience and feelings; 2) you do use clear imagery to express your feelings and some abstract ideas; 3) you are incredibly honest in your relation to youself and your relation to your material (exposure of vulnerability to oneself can be even harder than exposure to the world). Just this poem leads me to believe that you could be a writer with a unique voice and who will bring a richer aspect of reality and human truth through words (if not in action as well). I recommend 100% that you pursue writing in all areas of poetry, fiction, screen-or stage plays with whatever material interest you (whatever MOST interests you), and enjoy what you find along the road. On a personal level, I have to thank you for writing this poem, because in it you discuss so much of what I have struggled with for so long and so deeply. Even if neither of us, or anyone else, finds definitive answers to what you express, "thank God" so to speak, that you have the courage to ask them and the skill and gift to express them in such a compelling way. Keep on truckin'!

Answer 2

first group
good meter, talking about death.
but it has a flaw in minor belief, In a twinkling of an eye all mankind will be resurrected, so thats even quicker than a blink of an eye, in my opinion. Many saints rose from their graves as resurrected beings, called the firstfruits of Jesus.
group 2
everyone questions death and when it will happen Also good meter. speaking from personal experience Death is easy unless it if violent. Well? for those that go to UP or to paradise.
group 3
also good meter,
the question is truly and verily if any of us are worthy? NO, salvation is by grace and it is free. those that believe will have eternity to prove their justification and sanctify themselves. Even if a person goes to hell when they die, if they call upon the name of messiah, they will be saved and live according as if they were stil alive on earth. For me! i think i was sent back the first time when I may have died at age 8 again at age 10 or 11 and at least several other times. So, if God will have mercy upon my soul even though My eyes opened in hell, Im pretty sure he'll have mercy on yours.
group 5
if you want to know about lies and deceptions consider what the bible says that Jesus said: the worst enemies can be found in ones' own house. (not necessarily ones own family but even in the same estate. ) also take a look at rev 18:23 and vs4 many people who claim to be people of (the angel) i.e. the God of the angel. blindly and deceptively follow satan, or the fake church.

I know how much it hurts to endure to end and I know that i gave life and my ministry my best shot so far! but i do know it takes faith to carry on under the circumstance that exist.

Your poem shows a healthy decision to carry on it turns hopelessness into a faith that might endure, it edifies the reader, as myself i am sure.

Answer 3

your cadence sucks. you're trying too hard to rhyme which restricts your expression and inhibits your sincerity.

just my opinion as poetry is art but for the expression of subjects as deep as your seeking to convey i suggest a less constricting form.

as for the sentiments expressed in your poem. i remember feeling that way when i believed in a deity and had expectations of that deity, believing that life should somehow be other than what it is and painfully puzzled why my god didn't intervene.

Answer 4

Any poem that is written with heart and soul is a good poem

Answer 5

sounds to me more like this is a poem from someone who suffered a broken heart. ..

Answer 6

Beautiful! You have a gift!

Answer 7

It is good, it is from your heart and it holds truth!

Answer 8

pretty cool