I am madly in love with my boyfriend and I know that he has got to know that because every time I take something the wrong way from him, I burst out into tears and can't control it. It is almost like he wants to fight just to make me cry, but then he gets really sympathetic and says that he hates to see me cry and wants to know what he did wrong. I always say, "you said what you said to get some kind of reaction from me, what do you expect me to do." Then I would ask him if he cares about me and he gets mad and says it was a stupid question and says that I need to stop making a big deal out of nothing and I do not know what to do . HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-01-30 06:24:01 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Is it normal? Yes. Is it healthy? No, probably not.
It's perfectly normal to get really upset when someone close to us hurts us. When we are really close to someone we take all the protective layers off that we normally have for other people. So when they say something mean that would not even offend you that much if they were a stranger, it hurts you real deep when they are close.
The part about this that I think is not healthy is that you seem to be totally dependent on him. Now don't get me wrong, it's good to be dedicated to the one you love, but could it be that you think you're only worth something because of him. That he's your whole life and there's no possible life without him? You live just for his attention and that's not good. If you are so dependent on him that you start loosing your self-worth, then eventually he'll loose all respect for you and dump you. While we guys want to have a girl that relies on us, we still want her to have her own head on her shoulders to have some confidence of her own, to be a functioning adult. If he feels like you're hanging off his neck the whole day then he'll get tired of it soon enough. It could be that this is why he's making you cry. He's trying to teach you to have a little backbone, not be so needy.
Here's what you do. Think about all the good qualities that you have. Are you good looking? Are you smart? Are you kind to others? Do you have any special talents? I'm sure that if you take a look at yourself you'll find that while you're not perfect, you have plenty going for you, so a guy SHOULD like you, he's not doing you a favor by liking you, you deserve some attention and respect because of who you are. Now, you don't want to get too cocky and think you're better than everyone, but you need to understand your self-worth. You ARE someone. You ARE worth the attention and love of others. You DO have a lot to offer.
The second thing you do is start spending more time with your friends. Don't get so clingy that he never gets a break from you. You'll wear him out, he'll snap at you, you'll get hurt, then get more clingy, then he'll snap............ Spend time with your friends, don't forget about your social life. You should always have a social life outside of the relationship. It's only healthy. Your friends will be there to support you (if they are good friends) and you can learn again to enjoy other important people in your life, the world does not revolve around him.
So give him a little more space by hanging out with your friends and be more confident, realize that you have a lot to offer, and you guys will be alright.
2007-01-30 06:47:12 · answer #1 · answered by yishor 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Alright sweetie, it sounds like you two are a little bit younger. High school or even middle school. I am guessing 13-16 years old. First of all you say that you burst into tears every time you "take something he says *the wrong way*" then you said it "it's like he wants to fight just to make me cry". Ok, If you took it the wrong way then therefore he wasn't trying to start a fight with you. The other answerer was right... Before over reacting to something first try and understand where he is coming from, ask him to clarify. He probably DOESN'T want to see you cry and when you do, without him trying to make you cry it confuses him completely. And with your "you said what you said just to get a reaction out of me"... No he didn't. Like I said before if you 'took it the wrong way' once again he was NOT trying to upset you or get a rise out of you. Then when, after this emotional rollercoaster he is riding with you, you ask him if he cares about you it confuses him even more. He is probably thinking 'she loves me one minute and hates me the next'. If he didn't care about you he would have sprinted the other way a looonnnggg time ago.
Be careful hun, If you keep up your antics, you will push him away. Try to relax, the world isn't out to get you I promise. Understand a situation before you act or react to it. I can tell, you are still young and have a LOT to learn about life, love, men, dating etc. But that will all come in due time. Good luck. :)
2007-01-30 14:47:15 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Try talking about what he said before you react. Ask what he meant. And if he's with you and treats you good most of the time, he does care about you. And I can understand why he'd get mad by you asking if he does. To him that's a slap in the face. That's saying that we he does do for you, you think isn't good enough. To men, actions speak louder than words. To him, he doesn't need to say he cares because he shows you he cares.
2007-01-30 14:35:57 · answer #3 · answered by gi_jane_kicks_ass 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you can't control your emotions and your bursting into tears, are you sure you're old enough to have a boyfriend? Bursting into tears is what little children do.
If you feel he wants to fight to make you cry DUMP HIM.
2007-01-30 14:36:44 · answer #4 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
do you want the truth? i can understand your boyfriend but also you, be cool take it easy! if you feel that he loves you everything is okay! don't let yourself ruin your relationship with that childish-attacks !! try to unerstand what he was saying real and not what you think he means!..
good luck!!
2007-01-30 14:38:05 · answer #5 · answered by charming_1200 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should act distant for just a few days...act like he does and watch what happens...sometimes role reversal is necessary!
2007-01-30 14:33:42 · answer #6 · answered by tx girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to stop taking everything that he says to heart.
2007-01-30 14:33:44 · answer #7 · answered by Melissa 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
give him some space and then see what happends i think he cares about you so keep it up just tell him how you feel and then give him some space but not to much...=)
2007-01-30 14:37:14 · answer #8 · answered by in_L-O-V-E_w/daniel 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
try to not take things as they seem...before you start to cry ask him to explain himself...
2007-01-30 14:30:24 · answer #9 · answered by cantthinkofauseridsohereitis 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
don't cry so often guys find that anoying
2007-01-30 14:33:39 · answer #10 · answered by pamelaflz 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋