They need to be suitable for 11 to 15 year olds and be un copyrited
2007-01-30 06:19:33 · 16 answers · asked by ? 3 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Q. Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
A. He's all right now.
Q. Did you hear about the man who was tap dancing?
A. He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink.
Q. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A. A nervous wreck.
Q. What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
A. Anyone can roast beef.
Q. Where do you find a no legged dog?
A. Right where you left him.
Q. Where do you get virgin wool from?
A. Ugly sheep.
Q. Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
A. They're trying to get away from the noise.
Q. What does Star Trek and toilet paper have in common?
A. They both circle Uranus looking for Black Holes.
Q. How do you double the value of a Geo Metro?
A. Fill it with gas.
Q. What's the definition of mixed emotions?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.
Q. Why do chicken coops have two doors?
A. Because if it had four doors it's be a chicken sedan.
wheather they are good or not is yuor opinion!!! :D
2007-01-30 06:27:18 · answer #1 · answered by Lily Allen 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I got one you got to drag it out a bit though for the effect.
A guy was driving like a complete maniac and a policemen comes up behind him and pulls him over.
They both get out and the policemen says
'Breath into this breatheliser sir it appears that you are drunk' to which the criminal replies
'I'm Sorry officer but i cant do that'
'Why not?'
'Im asmatic if i breath into that thing I may die'
The policemen says
'Ok, come back to the station and we'll take a urine sample'
'I'm sorry officer but i cant do that'
'Why not?'
'Im diabetic, if i pee into a cup i might die'
The officer is getting a bit frustated and says
'Fine, come back to the station and we'll take a blood sample'
To which the man replies
'I'm sorry officer I cant do that'
'Why not?'
'I'm a heamophiliac if i draw blood i may die'
The officer is getting quite annoyed now and gets out a piece of chalk and draws a line on the ground and says
'do me a favour just walk across the line without falling off!'
'I'm sorry officer I cant do that'
'Why not?' the officer asked exasperatingly, to which the man replied
'Because Im drunk!!'
2007-01-30 16:00:26 · answer #2 · answered by johua91 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try these out:
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To show the armadillo it was possible.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road twice?
A: Because it was a double crosser.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the play ground?
A: To get to the other side.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the beach?
A: To get to the other tide.
Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
A: Because chickens hadn't evolved yet.
Q: What is a cat's favorite dessert?
A: Mice pudding.
Q: How do you get milk from a cat?
A: Steal it's saucer.
Q: What do you get if you cross a cat and a canary?
A: A cat who isn't hungry any more.
Q: What kind of work does a weak cat do?
A: Light mouse work.
2007-01-30 14:53:48 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
There's a man in a bar, he enters, gets a drink and then jumps out of the window. Instantly everyone runs to the window to see if he's alright, as it's a long drop. He's gone. As they return to their seats, the same man re-enters and has a drink and jumps out of the window again. Everyone runs to it, but just like last time, he's gone. Finally, after the fourth time, a man goes up to him and says "OK, how can you do that?"
The man replies "The wind is good today, it sweeps you right back to the door."
Then he jumps out again.
Instantly everyone is really excited and runs to the window, jumping out. They land on the tarmac below.
<
hope it's alright...
2007-01-30 14:29:34 · answer #4 · answered by anon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here's a good joke :
A guy walks past a mental hospital and hears a moaning voice "13.......13.......13.........13
" the man looked over to the hospital and saw a hole in the wall, he looked through the hole and gets poked in the eye. The moaning voice then groaned '14.........14.........14.......14.'
2007-01-31 06:56:18 · answer #5 · answered by Nightstar 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Blonde jokes:
A blonde keeps walking down her drive to her mail box.
She keeps doing this until her neighbour asks her why she is doing that.
The blonde replies "My computer keeps telling me that i've got mail".
~~~~~
I knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......
* she called me to get my phone number.
* she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."
* she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
*she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
*she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
*she tried to drown a fish.
*she thought a quarterback was a refund.
*she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
*she tripped over a cordless phone.
*she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
*she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
*she studied for a blood test.
*she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
*when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
*when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
*when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home
~~~~
Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope.
Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said "2 to 4 years"
Couldn't call 911 because there was no 11 on any phone button.
When asked what the capital of California was; answered "C".
Baked a turkey for 3 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 125.
After losing in a breaststroke swimming competition, complained that the other swimmers were using their arms.
~~~~
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you."
~~~~
Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City. The Brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus. The Blonde team rides on the top level.
The Brunette team down below is whooping it up having a great time, when one of them realises she doesn't hear anything from the Blondes upstairs.
She decides to go up and investigate. When the Brunette reaches the top, she finds all the Blondes frozen in fear, staring straight-ahead at the road, and clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles.
She says, "What the heck's goin' on up here? We're havin' a grand time downstairs!" One of the Blondes looks up and says, "Yeah, but you've got a driver!"
~~~~
Did you hear about the blonde who took a book out of the library called How to Hug, only to discover that it was volume seven of the encyclopedia?
~~~~
blonde walks into a restaurant to get some lunch, and while she's deciding on what she wants a waitress comes up.
The blonde looks up and notices the waitress's name tag on her shirt.
"Gee, that's nice. What did you name the other one?"
~~~
Two blondes suddenly got into bird hunting and were eager to try it out for themselves.
They had read that a birddog is a great and useful accessory in bird hunting, so they decided to go to the pet shop and buy one. They asked for a well-trained birddog, and got one.
The two blondes immediately went to the woods to try it out. The dog didn't work. No matter how hard they tried, it just didn't follow their commands.
They became really frustrated and one of the blondes said to her companion, �Okay, we'll give him one more try.
We'll throw him in the air one more time and if he doesn't fly, we're taking him back to the store!�
2007-01-30 20:20:25 · answer #6 · answered by kim 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried reading,before asking?? there are hilarious things here!!!but i haven't got any of my own sorry!! :-/
Hope you find something that would entertain you anyway.
2007-01-30 14:28:42 · answer #7 · answered by kimpossible 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how do u turn a duck into a famous soul singer?
Put him in the microwave untill his Bill Withers!
Cheesy i know!
2007-01-30 14:58:33 · answer #8 · answered by Chloe C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What do you call a group of mushrooms having a great time?
Fun-guys (fungi)
2007-01-30 14:26:54 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Man walks into a bar.
Ouch!
It's an iron bar.
2007-01-30 14:26:24 · answer #10 · answered by mcfifi 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋