to raise another man's offspring? If you make an obviously greater amount of money than the 'baby-daddy'? How do you handle the disparity in what is available to your biological offspring and his without harming the child?
2007-01-30 04:47:39 · 30 answers · asked by Nonny D 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
i may get booed for this answer but trust me i think i may be the ONLY one who can answer this logically. i am a SINGLE mother of FOUR children. and if i remarry i want that man to be a co parent. i will NEVER ever want a man to be "just" my husband...ok this is where i'll get boooed lol I however do not expect him to put his biological children second, they come first, meaning BEFORE my children. my ex husband left me and our four kids, remarried to a woman with one biological kid from a previous relationship. this is NOT my ex's child. she has my ex completely spoiling this her son. or perhaps my ex spoils him without demand, who knows but this kid is the exact age as my son. now not only do i have to deal with the fact he left us, but chose to raise and support another family other than this own. i have a son who has to watch his step brother get EVERYTHING his little heart desires, two computers, video games, trampoline, the works, PLUS know that his step brother gets the dream of being with his dad day to day while my son (actually four of my kids) have to only see their father on his weekends. my ex has sent me emails saying any more $ than child support is "ridiculous" ...yes he used that word! and he wont see the kids other than his disignated time because, he doesnt have to. he has NO DAMN business financialling supporting or raising other children when he cant and doesnt raise his own. i provide for my kids and i match my ex's contribution dollar for dollar plus more! so this isnt a matter of me not being able to support my four children. this is about a man's responsibilities. you have a biological child, and he comes first. and the step children can come next. simple as that. wish someone could explain this to my ex and his wife, who does not work.
2007-01-30 05:02:58 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
From a former single mother, I am glad that I found the man I married. My daughter biological father was a dead beat and has had nothing to do with her since she was 1 1/2, she is now 6 yrs old. My hubby came into our life when she was 1 1/2 and he is the only daddy she knows and will ever know. He takes care of her in ever situation and does not have a problem doing so, like it has been said before he married me and my daughter.
2007-01-30 05:28:21 · answer #2 · answered by sunflowerlizard 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When you marry the mother, you are accepting the child. You can't just say that you are not going to provide for that child. If you have a child with that single mother, you should not treat that child any better than the child the mother came into the relationship with. You should expect to take responsibility for the child as well and if you are not willing to do that, let the mother find someone who is.
2007-01-30 05:54:02 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
When you marry someone you take on ALL the responsibilities of being that persons spouse. If there are outstanding bills, they become your bills, if there are children they become your children, so instead of having 2 biological children and a stepchild, you now have 3 children, there should be no difference in the time money and affection you give any o f the kids. It is because the "your not my child" that many step children grow to dislike even hate their step parents. So if you are unwilling to take the woman's child in as your own, simple break off the relationship and go find a woman who is not a single mother (and yes that may sound stupid, but hey, welcome to the real world)
2007-01-30 05:02:13 · answer #4 · answered by topdawgco97 4 · 3⤊ 3⤋
never even think about marrying a mommy unless you can take her kids in and treat them as your own as a single- mom any man who gave more to his own child then he was willing to give to my son would be out the door so fast it'd make his head spin. Part of loving the woman is loving her kid(s). how would u fell if that child wazs your and she married someone else and the guy treated his child better then your's. If you love the woman you'd love that child too even if you dont always agree with his/her actions... how u see things is why step parents get a bad name. One of my friends has a step father but you can't tell... He paid 4 her wedding and treated her as one of his own... If you treat the child different your marriage won't last very long
2007-01-30 05:04:27 · answer #5 · answered by evillama4eva 2 · 2⤊ 2⤋
You already said all I needed to know when you described your future stepchild as "another man's offspring".
If you're not willing to be a father to this child, please don't marry the mother. While the biological father should certainly be making child support payments, YOU should also be willing to help support and love the child of the woman you love!
Like it or not, this is her CHILD, and he/she will always be the most important thing to her.
I married a man who raised and supported my daughter as his own, as her biological father (or "sperm donor" as I called him) was nowhere around. My husband was very gratified to have my daughter call HIM "Daddy", while she called her birth father by his first name! If you can't step up to the plate, you need to let this lady find a man who is able and willing to do so.
2007-01-30 05:03:09 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
Alright. My husband married a single mom. Thats right you guessed it ME. He took care of my son from the get go. You really should not have gotten involved with a single mother if you had no intentions on being a step dad to the child. And yes it is totally unreasonable. Especially if you start having children with this woman. What, your gonna buy them everything and leave her child out of it? Rude and grow up.
2007-01-30 05:01:30 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 2⤋
You should have resolved this before you married a woman with a child. You should treat all the children in your home the same way and give all the same benefits or it will harm the child. They will wonder why they dont deserve nice things too.
2007-01-30 04:58:11 · answer #8 · answered by elaeblue 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you make the committment to marry a woman with a child you are also making the same committment to her child. If the marriage is to work you will need to love and raise the child as your own and no differently than your own when you have them. In addition you will always come second to the child with this woman and it should be that way. If you are not willing or able to accept this then walk away before you all get hurt.
2007-01-30 05:01:41 · answer #9 · answered by retyred2003 2 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Don't be a jerk. If you marry the mother you get the children too, it's not one or the other. Marriage is only 100%. You seem to have a problem excepting the package so let this woman go and find somebody who doesn't have children already. Don't marry her and add your name to the rolls of horrible step-father's. The world already has enough people like you.
2007-01-30 05:43:27 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋