My boys' father and I are divorced and they live with him. For all other reasons except for the emotional abuse, it is best for them to live with him. However, he yells at them and reduces them to tears, then calls them ugly and crude names because they are crying. They are ages 10 and 9. We have shared custody so neither of us pays child support. Talking to their father would bring his wrath down upon them and they would never trust me to talk to me about their feelings again. This is a very frail situation. Any suggestions out there? Thank you.
2007-01-30 04:46:48 · 34 answers · asked by Laura S 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
report the abuse
to the police
or child line
Get them out
Please
2007-01-30 04:51:17 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
i know you said that other than the emotional abuse it is best for them to be with him but emotional abuse can be the worst thing for a child to go through. even if you don't have the best life or household, you need to go and get custody of your kids. so many things matter when it comes to being a parent than just how great of a life you have or whether or not you can give them everything in the world. the small things you can do for them mean more than the most expensive thing money could buy. the small things are what counts and what defines you as a good parent or not. by small things i mean by being there for them for support, going places and doing things with them, loving them, and being the best mom you can be. oh yeah and also getting them away from their father. you can always get him for child support to help you out financially. any situation would be better for them than being somewhere where they are getting emotionally abused. if they continue to be done this way and you can't get them out, then they are most likely going to have a lot of problems in life because they don't know how to act and live. you can solve this by getting them out of there. i feel they will definitely be happier with you even if you can't give them everything they want or need but there are not many parents out there who can so don't look down on yourself because of that. hope this helps. good luck.
2007-01-30 05:28:08 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Abuse is abuse. What they hear now is what they are going to do to their own children......heaven forbid. A great child can be reduced to an emotional disaster if this is not stopped. Can you talk to a counselor at their school or church? You really need to protect them with all your energy and strength. It will be the best thing you could ever do for them. Best of Luck and stay strong !
2007-01-30 05:12:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If it is absolutely not possible to get custody of them, then you need to get them into counseling, while creating a safe and loving atmosphere for them every chance you get.
This is absolutely not healthy for them in the short or long term. It isn't just a matter of their tears now. It is what the long term effects of this abuse is going to have on them and there WILL be long term effects.
Somebody needs to stick up for these children and help them become whole individuals. Obviously that is not their father! No, I would not talk to him about it, either. Abusive people are bullies and he will take it out on someone less "powerful" and that is likely to be your children. Would you just stand by and watch someone abuse a child like that? Why on earth would you allow it of your own children?
2007-01-30 05:00:13 · answer #4 · answered by Road Warrior 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
You need to consult a lawyer for this. However, as someone in the same situation, my boys would tell their mother the same things just to get favor with her, and vice versa. Kids at this age will play you two against each other, and do not think for a minute they won't. Check it out, and if they are being abused, then follow through with a lawyer, but, if your not 100% sure, then explain to them that if they are lying, they are only hurting themselves, and that you and your ex will not be played against each other.
on top of everything else, I cannot tell you to do anything for another reason here. Why did he get custody in the first place? In most states it is next to impossiable for the father to get custody. Could this also be you putting the thoughts that DISAPLINE is abuse in their heads? So you can get them back? No one on here could know for sure. Thats why if it is abuse, then get a lawyer and prove it. And do not say They wont, they have experts who can.
2007-01-30 04:53:38 · answer #5 · answered by Common Sense 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
If he's bringing them to tears, calling them crude names because they are crying then it isn't best for them to live with him. They need a guardian ad litem (sp?) someone to look out for them. He needs parenting classes..something to teach him a better way to handle the stresses of raising kids. You might want to join him, if only as a show of support for your sons. Talk to an attorney about it. They'll point you in the right direction
2007-01-30 05:28:41 · answer #6 · answered by honeys9702 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I can't believe you're even asking this. As their mother, you have a responsibility to protect them from abuse, and you're failing miserably.
Emotional abuse is still abuse. If he were hitting them, would you hesitate to remove them from his home?
Enlist the help of school counselors, Child Protective Services, abused family advocacy groups and Juvenile Court Services to remove them from his home and gain full custody with supervised visitation only. You can ask the judge to require that your ex seek mental health treatment as a condition of visitation. If you think drugs are an issue, you can make clean drug tests a condition of visitation, too.
Child support is important, too, but it's MONEY, and we're talking about your CHILDREN.
"For all other reasons except the emotional abuse..." what the hell are you thinking? "Sure, he's damaging them irreparably, but nobody has to pay child support, they get their own bedrooms and they didn't have to change schools." What reasons could POSSIBLY suffice to allow this man to abuse your children?
Stop avoiding confrontation and do what's right for your children. You don't have to talk to him yourself.
2007-01-30 04:57:43 · answer #7 · answered by Karen M 3 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Honestly, if this were happening to my children, I would do whatever was necessary to protect them. So when you say "for all other reasons it is best that they live with him" I can't imagine what in the world those compelling reasons could possibly be. Are you taking the path of least resistance right now? There isn't anything MORE IMPORTANT you will EVER DO, than do right by your children.
2007-01-30 05:38:50 · answer #8 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Get your kids back full time with you For whatever reason you don't have them full time , it is not good enough.
You are sacrificing their spirits at the hands of this man.
You need to talk to a professional, a childrens aid person or call a free clinic and talk to someone who is a social worker. If you can't get help there get your kids to a psychologist and have them assessed. You might have to go to court and have the living conditions changed.
The children do not deserve this treatment and it is up to you as an adult to protect them. that is your job as a parent.
This situation is not safe for your children.
I wouldn't worry about the money for now, your kids need to know they are loved and cherished no matter where they live.
Get to see a professional asap.
2007-01-30 04:55:29 · answer #9 · answered by doclakewrite 7 · 4⤊ 1⤋
The fact that you are asking about your sons shows that you are concerned for their well being. You and your husband need to have an adult conversation regarding your children. Your sons need to be in an environment that is physically and emotionally sound. Children learn from the parents. Do you want your sons to grow up to be potential abusers themselves? You definitely need to reevaluate their living arrangements. Children only get one chance to enjoy their youth. Contact a mediator who be able to give you further advice on how to deal with this situation. I wish you all the best.
2007-01-30 06:12:01 · answer #10 · answered by TrayHoo 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
for all reasons except for emotional abuse, do you realize what your are saying, maybe they should go to a foster home then because hes really screwing them up, just as bad or worse if he was beating the hell out of them, you should get them out of there. I'm 42 and can still hear the nasty bullshit my mother spat out. And my life is crap is that what you want for your kids?
2007-01-30 05:11:36 · answer #11 · answered by beatch38 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋