My girlfriend is a stripper and really loves me. I think I love her but I have my reservations because she had prostituted herself in the past. She says she has changed and really wants to be with me. While she is open for a new or different job, she is disappointed in the amount of money she will be making. I would have to pay her bills. She also has an addiction to Vicodin. We are going to therapy, and I have her seeing my therapist to help her with her issues. I am relatively happy when I am around her, but when she is not with me, I am sometimes consumed with her problems and how to help her. I know I am good to her and I am a good influence. I have sent in people to her club to spy and they tell me that she is a good girl. She doesn't have a college education and does not stimulate me intellectually. I am not one to give up but I want to know if I should. It would devastate her and she would go back to her old ways I'm sure. That is a burden I don't want to accept.
2007-01-30 04:45:47 · 23 answers · asked by bluhat55 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
The act you are describing is called transference of aggression. She lays all of her problems and issues heavily at your feet for you to clean up and fix. But this is not your burden, it honestly belongs to her. People choose what path they decide to take in life. She is an adult, and clearly understands her choices she has made in life, and she chose to follow the love for money. She could choose to go back to school, and get a job like all the rest of us did. She could even open her own business, that doesn't even require a degree. But she has chosen to have a profession where she would rather exploit the most precious thing she has to offer herself and anyone she decides to commit to in her future. Her mind, body and spirit. So you can continue on the path of a no win situation, or you can let her decide when she wants to grow and face her addictions head on, and get the help and change her life for the better on her own. Because ultimately; no matter what, the choice is hers to change her life. Not yours. My suggestion, be there as a good friend, continue to be a support system with information and encouragement. But do not continue being an enabler.
2007-01-30 06:39:09 · answer #1 · answered by ricepat2000 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The best way to get back your ex is https://tr.im/AKiLB
Here's the hard part: Pretend she never existed, like it was all a dream, don't call her, that will make you the smaller person, be the bigger person since you deserve better, what she did to you on Valentines Day was immature, especially after dating for four years. This person wasted allot of your time and through it out the window. Go out tonight, even it it is only yourself, don't drink and call or feel sorry for yourself, this will only cause you embarrassment! I know your hurting..This will eventually will go away in time. Today is not a good day for you and your emotions are spinning all over the place.
Please, whatever you do, don't answer her calls and don't call her. If she keeps calling, which she pro bally won't, don't return her call for 5 days. Make her sweat and DO Not get back together right away if you discuss this in 5 days. Tell her since she Broke up with you, you have done allot of thinking, and had the taste of "being single again" and you would like more time being "friends" for now, so you are sure you are making the right decision. Remember "She decided she didn't want to be with you" so the door is open for you to get out and see what you have been missing for four years. You honestly need to do this for yourself.
She doesn't know, but what she did was give you the best valentines day present you will ever get! A new start and a new beginning, use it to your advantage. You will look back on this and Thank God this happened now instead of 4 more wasted years of YOUR life. Today does suck, stay Strong and I promise you your life is going to be so much more exciting and you are going to be happy. If you continue to call and call her, she will think of you as needy and won't want you. She is going to rethink what she did to you today and will be hurt, if you act like you could care less. Girls always want the ones they can't have. That is who you are now to her. Let her suffer,realizing what a mistake she made. This will drive her crazy. Right now she is on cloud 9 thinking you will take her back, OH, is she stupid!
Your life isn't ruined, hers is..She lost someone special, and gave you a gift to let to live life and find someone you deserve. You are not getting back at her, your teaching her what an idiot she is and what she lost and what you gained without her. SO when You eventually talk to her, tell her thank you for what she did...
She will be hurt and you will be happy!
2016-07-19 22:10:10 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People change. I know this from personal experience, but you cannot live your life hoping someone will change. The person themselves has to want change. You can't make someone else change. And you have to realize you can't have a totally committed serious relationship without trust. And you obviously don't trust her, you have people spying on her. I understand why, but to have a stable functional healthy relationship - you have got to have trust. I think your girlfriend has a lot of baggage attached, this does not make her a bad person. She just has a lot of issues. My question to you is how committed are you to seeing this through? Things will likely get worse, before they get better. I think with an addiction to vicodin, the stripping, and obviously other personal issues - this is going to take years of counseling. But your girlfriend has got to be willing to change, how committed is she to change? Another question I would ask - how important is it that she doesn't stimulate you intellectually? Just because she doesn't have a college education doesn't mean she's an idiot, but are you only stimulated sexually? I don't mean to be blunt or personal - but you need to think about this. Alot of people get into situations where it was only the sex that they had in common. Not that sex is bad, but you have got to have more than that. If you find true love, the rest comes with it. Your girlfriend needs to really look within herself and decide for HERSELF what it is she wants, and you need to do the same with yourself. You can't live your life with someone you might not be happy with, because you are afraid that you will devastate them. That is NOT FAIR TO THEM OR YOU. And if you do, it will more than likely end on a sour note and you both will be in counseling from now on. And if you have children - think of the devastation it will have on their lives. I just truly hope you give this alot of thought, you seem to have a big heart. I wish the best for you.
2007-01-30 04:59:50 · answer #3 · answered by monkmonk 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People change so don't take her past and assume that it's her future. Give her a chance and if she really does want to change her lifestyle then she will. It's never to late to get an education so encourage her to do something with herself.
An addiction is a very hard thing to get rid of so just show her some support and she'll get through it.
As for paying the bills, I'm a barmaid and can still pay all my bills and afford to live the way I want to. Does she have expensive taste? Maybe that's something that needs to be looked at. Most people know how to live within their means.
2007-01-30 04:58:38 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are many issues that need to be dealt with before you can truly call this a healthy relationship.
First, you can't take care of her and you can't change her... it's up to her to do it herself. You can lend an ear or emotional support but if she refuses to change jobs and continues drugs you are beating a dead horse.
I think you are being realistic in the fact that you're not sure if you love her and if not, then why put yourself through years of problems?
Suggestion (if you really feel the need to see her): Remain friends with her. Let her know that you disapprove of the drugs or the stripping and that if she chooses to make some changes for herself then you might be able to think about working on a future together but not until then.
2007-01-30 04:56:51 · answer #5 · answered by mosaic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is very kind of you to take on such a venture, but honestly, it's not your responsibility or obligation. Girls who work in this profession make a lot of money, but it comes at a price, I'm sorry to say. Many have drug addictions and several other problems. So really, she is not going to be making THAT much more money. It will go to drugs, or the new habit that replaces Vicodin. If your being consumed by her issues, paying her bills, denying yourself of intellectual stimulation AND sending buddies to spy on her, you really need to ask yourself what the hell your getting out of this relationship? It sounds very tasking and will eventually take it's tole on you and your mental health. Not to mention your wallet. It's one thing if your giving her advise and moral support. If she were taking heed to the things that your telling her and she was actually listening and following through with the sound advise your giving her, that's one thing. But it sounds like your getting yourself into something here that is really going to be of no real guarenteed benefit to you in the future. As I said, it's very kind of you to take on such an endevor. But ultimately, she is the one that is going to have to make some positive choices and decisions, and it is not up to you to make her make them. All you can do is advise. Very risky what your doing. I suggest you talk to the therapist, mention to him that you don't want to just dump her, but that your questioning weather or not your really benefiting her or just enabling her. Do what you will, but be careful and don't get to wrapped up in the drama.
2007-01-30 05:03:30 · answer #6 · answered by frigidx 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Man you must be a fun guy to be with! i reckon if you send friends to spy on her in the work place you must be unsure about her lifestyle !.. I can see that if you stay and try to work things out with her you will at some point be let down and really be hurt!.. its easy for everyone else to say move on, because we don't have the affection you feel for her playing on our minds..
If i were you id give it another week or two, to see what happens,, then make you mind up!.. either way
2007-01-30 05:22:42 · answer #7 · answered by robert x 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Want to know how to get your ex back? Change yourself. Don't worry about changing other people, worry about changing yourself. Go to https://tr.im/9Ppvf
Once you do that then you can start to worry about getting back together with your ex, other wise you will find that you are fighting about all the same things and getting no where. Do what it takes and I promise things will work out in your favor.
The funny thing is I came to the realization that I had to change a little too late. After I was kicked out and after I was about to lose the only things that truly mattered to me - her love. A funny thing happens when we truly love someone and lose them. We do what ever it takes to get them back. For me I had to drop bad habits that had caused not only our relationship to sour but practically every other relationship I had had in the past. Not only with women, but with friends, co-workers, family, you name it.
Which is why I say to you as my ex at the time said to me, the only thing you can do is change yourself. Work on yourself and improve on the person that you already are. Drop the negative things in your life that don't belong there and you will see all of your relationships start to take off to new heights.
2016-04-21 18:30:33 · answer #8 · answered by emogene 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she doesn't stimulate you intellectually then is it all about looks? If it is, then move on to someone you can carry on a good conversation with...who's also attractive.
Don't feel responsible for her behaviour if you break up. You have to do what's best for you.
What is the relationship built upon? Her good looks?Sex?
It needs to be built upon mutual interests and you need to be able to see a future with her...assuming that's what you're looking for that is.
Follow your heart basically...and try to picture your future and whether you want her in it or not. Good luck with your decision.
2007-01-30 04:59:45 · answer #9 · answered by Starfire 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can you explain is this about her, because you seem to be spouting more
about how better you are than the young lady, Can I suggest that if your
girlfriend finds out that your sending trackers after her, you ain't gonna score
any brownie points.Forget all the Intellectual Stimulation crap, you probably
bore her to tears with your intellect hear what she is trying to say to you and
respond
2007-01-30 05:10:27 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋