Just wondering if anyone has dealt with a "momzilla" for their wedding? My mom keeps getting mad at me for every little thing during my wedding planning stage. She's expressed no interest in helping me but keeps telling others she feels like she's not involved. My parents are also divorced and DO NOT get along which I am worried about as we get closer to the wedding. Any tips, advice?? Thanks!
2007-01-30 04:20:49 · 11 answers · asked by knmasek 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I'm certainly no psychologist or anything but maybe your mom's behaviour (getting mad at every little thing) stems from feelings of not being needed or involved? You said she expresses no interest in helping. Did she say that, or are you assuming she is not interested because she hasn't injected herself in your plans or asked if there is anything she could do? Maybe she doesn't want to intrude and only wants to help if YOU want her to. I don't really know what kind of relationship you had with your mom prior to now but unless you've always had a turbulent relationship, I don't see why you couldn't maybe find some things that she can help with or research for you or even things to provide a second opinion on. Go over it in your head first since you know your mom best. Come up with something feasible and then sit down and talk with her. Let her know how much this meas to you and how you'd love to have her share or help you in the planning stages and let her know how she could do so. I suspect she will be so happy to hear that you actually want her help (whether you really do or not). She is your mother and most mothers only want what's best for their kids and wants to see them happy. My parents were divorced as well and my mother remarried but there were no problems. I also didn't sit them at the same table or pew in the church. I think that in most cases, parents automatically put differences aside in situations/cases/occaisions such as this. I think you can assume your parents will do the same but you know them best so maybe you can express to each of them individually and at the right time, your hope that your wedding day will not be clouded by any animosity between the two of them. I'm sure they can honor that wish. Best of luck and I wish you and your hubby-to-be a lifetime of happiness and good health.
2007-01-30 05:32:10 · answer #1 · answered by Super-Mom9 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give your Mom ONE JOB and only one job to do for your wedding.
That will entertain her like a cat with a ball of string.
She is obviously NOT over the end of her own marriage. Does she have a therapist to work out this anger?
It's my experience that when anyone prefers to sit on the sidelines an b%%% about something they are behaving in a very passive aggressive manner.
Until you screw up the courage to sit her down and say, "OK Mom. Lay it all out right now. What's your problem with the wedding? Is it my choice of husband, the ceremony, or the fact that your own marriage didn't last and you are anticipating the demise of mine before it even begins so you won't be alone in your singleness?"
How about printing out your Yahoo question and all the answers and tell her to read them and then you want to talk about this before your wedding day turns into a nightmare soap opera knock down drag out between her, your father and anyone else who gets in the middle.
2007-01-30 05:52:50 · answer #2 · answered by Mimi Di 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your mom would like to be involved in the planning but would prefer that you ask her. Moms need to feel needed. Maybe you can ask for her help in selecting from two or three options, any of which you know you can live with. For example, if it really doesn't matter to you whether you have white lilies or white tulips in your bouquet, maybe you say to her, "Mom, I'm having a hard time deciding between lilies and tulips. What do you think?" And then go with her choice.
If she starts offering unsolicited opinions/advice, or if she gets angry with you for not using any of her suggestions, all you can do is nicely say something like, "Mom, I really appreciate how interested you are in making this a great wedding and I heard what you said about using pink tablecloths. However, I have made the decision to use white tablecloths instead. I hope you'll understand." And if she doesn't, that's her problem, not yours.
Obviously, if mom is paying for the wedding, you need to be more flexible if the difference of opinion is related to money. You can't expect your mom to foot the bill for filet mignon for 250 guests if it's simply not in the budget. You may have to compromise and go for chicken instead, or cut down the guest list.
Regarding the parents' inability to get along, that's a tough situation, but if they are adults and if they love you, they will manage to be civil for the occasion. If you feel you need to remind them of that and ask them for that respect, then please do.
Best wishes to you and your fiance for a happy life together!
2007-01-30 05:36:55 · answer #3 · answered by Suzanne 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are getting married - not her. So just put your foot down and do it your way.
Sounds like your mom wants to help. Is there any task you want to delegate to her ? That will keep her involved. Also, shoot an e-mail to her every few days to keep her posted about whats going on. E-mails are one way, so you can keep her in the loop but you do not have to listen to her one on one.
Also, when you delegate the task, make sure you tell her to "play nice". Tell her not to ruin your wedding by not getting along with the rest of the wedding party. Make sure the boundaries are drawn and that she respects them. Tell her it is a matter of your happiness.
2007-01-30 04:56:40 · answer #4 · answered by SS90 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you have lots of experience with dysfunctional family fun.
Draw the lines firmly. Resolve not to worry about any of her complaints. If you want to reach out, find something she can do -- something that isn't life or death, or that you can do yourself if she doesn't follow through. Don't be defensive ... but if she goes on the offense, just say, "I'm sorry you feel that way."
Focus on the people who support and lift you up. Make a point of letting the rest of it roll off your back.
2007-01-30 04:45:45 · answer #5 · answered by mrrmaid 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's your wedding, isn't it? My husband and I paid for our entire thing, so neither sets of parents could say a thing during the planning.
Pay for it yourself. Tell Mom it's your wedding and you'll plan it just the way you like. Period.
2007-01-30 05:31:42 · answer #6 · answered by KL 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Put your foot down NICELY and tell her that you only get one wedding day in your life (at least that's the plan) and you would like to have it YOUR way. She had her turn on HER wedding day, and now it's YOUR turn to make the decisions. Don't back down! (P.S. I feel the same way about relatives intruding on naming babies!)
2007-01-30 04:32:41 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you're ensuring that something she gives you to pay for comes from her funds. get rid of the settlement to chop up the charges. You tell them how lots you have the money for, and what the money is specified for. try this in a gathering with the two considered one of you, Dad & mom. something your mom provides is further to her invoice, no longer yours. Make that sparkling to everyone.
2016-09-28 04:48:49 · answer #8 · answered by aharon 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let your mom know exactly how you feel. Choose your words carefully tho, no need to upset her too much before your big day. As far as your parents, tell them that this is YOUR day and they need to behave!
2007-01-30 04:44:59 · answer #9 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. Sounds like you lost your backbone, or are you and your man not paying for your own wedding?
2007-01-30 14:49:58 · answer #10 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋