Me and my wife gave birth to aour second child (girl) 3 months ago. Our first child is 2 years (boy). Even though we love our children to death neither me nor my wife feel as close to our second child as we did to our first. There was a huge disagreement over her name that caused about a month of misery for both of us. We ended up changing her name and now we are both happy with the new name. My wife feel this has a lot to do with how she feels. Is this normal? any suggestions to overcome this?
2007-01-30 04:15:54 · 10 answers · asked by shoemender 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
Both childred were planned, and wanted.
2007-01-30 04:28:29 · update #1
Your baby is only 3 months old, and sometimes it can take a longer period of time for your feelings to fully develop toward your new baby. Right now there is so much work/tiredness involved that it is normal to have feelings that are mixed.
This has happened to many parents, though maybe for a variety of different reasons. Your love for your new baby WILL develop. You may love her in a different way than the first because she is a different person of course, but yes the feelings and strength of love will come. Congratulations on being blessed with two little ones to cherish :-)
2007-01-30 04:27:54 · answer #1 · answered by Daaang! 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I have a really hard time reading what you wrote. Not because I think you are wrong but because it hits too close to home. Parents never seem to talk about how difficult feelings can be when a second child enters the home. We have books and tools for the big brother/sister but nothing for Mom and Dad. I felt a little resentment for not getting as much time with my first child and I felt guilty for the new baby when he was born. My daughter was 2 when my son was born by the way. These feelings I think are normal just like yours and your wife's. Having a second child is a huge transition for everyone in the family and having kids is tough. We all know having kids is hard work. The name of the baby is your own personal part and even though it seems strange to you to change the name it's not that bad. Some people go for a long time without naming the baby so they can get it right.
I am happy to say that now, years later everything is great and we made it through that time with tears and joy. My second is an inspiration and constant miracle to me. I cannot imagine life without him. Parenthood is so much more than I ever expected. But I love it more than anything. To me it is the meaning of life. I know you and your wife will be fine. Just take it one day at a time and be supportive of each other. Take care.
2007-01-30 12:44:50 · answer #2 · answered by KEOE 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The second baby is generally a little more estranged. The hype isn't as big on her (not to say that you love her any less) birth because it's already been done. Don't worry so much! Kick back, relax, and enjoy this one. There's a little less guess work! And as far as the name thing goes, I'd go with the first name you guys were both comfortable with. If her name was enough to cause tension for a month, then it's not worth having an ugly name.
p.s. congrats on you're two children! I'm sure they're beautiful!
2007-01-30 12:29:44 · answer #3 · answered by Chipper 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first child is always very special..You will alway's have a different bond with the first child simply because it was the first.That does not mean that you love your other children any more or less it is a matter of the different bondYou have nothing to overcome you just need to realize you will always have a different bond you will never beable to change that the first is the first and that is all there is to it..The name change has nothing to do with anything your wife may be experiencing post partum depression.Good Luck
2007-01-30 12:43:22 · answer #4 · answered by Maureen B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a stonger bond with your first because it is your first and you had two years to create that bond so just give it time even though the love is the same you have to wait for the bonding because this is your second child the enthusiam of the first is gone i.e first car seat first movie i hate to compare a child like a object but its like once you already played a game for the first time doing it again is not as exciting as the first time.So now you can enjoy helping your two year enjoy his first he is a big brother now and think its your first girl so there still will be first just a little differeent dont worry you all will be all right.
MOTHER OF THREE
2007-01-30 13:02:35 · answer #5 · answered by supergrl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will come in time...Sometimes you look at the newborn and see it can't do what the 2 year old is doing, like maybe it's an intrusion into your family...remember, you have had 2 years with your son already. This new person has to fit in. You also have the pressure of the 2 year old around when you are tired and trying to care for a newborn. All sorts of reasons..I'm sure you will both feel the same in time
2007-01-30 12:28:45 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
i say it is normal. your first child will always be special because everything is new to you. it is your first born child. i don't know it is kinda hard to explain. i didn't feel close with my second child for some reason either. i didn't really want to get too close because i didn't want my oldest to become jealous. i would just keep doing what you are doing, you love your child and things will come together and the feelings will come, i promise you they will. help your wife as much as you possibly can because she may resent you for not helping her with the baby while neither of you have the feeling of closeness to this child as you did the first. just trust me the feelings will come, i promise, hope this helps, holly
2007-01-30 12:29:30 · answer #7 · answered by Holly D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe Post Par tum Depression. Usually affects the woman, may be affecting you also. Hopefully you will get over it once the child has been with you a while longer and a routine (especially sleep) has been established. Maybe you are both simply tired.
Good luck
2007-01-30 12:30:24 · answer #8 · answered by me 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
you are totally overthinking this one. the first one is the FIRST one. You both had lots of excitement and anticipation with him. the feelings with the second one are bound to be different. you've been parents for awhile, it's not as big of a deal to you now. you WILL feel closer to the child eventually. Just wait until her personality develops...you will be amazed at how different girls are than boys. it's a whole new ballgame!! and you are BOUND to feel differently about each of your children - - they are different people. you may feel closer to one than to the other. Don't feel badly about your feelings, they are your feelings. And don't resent your wife for her feelings. you are in an adjustment period, it will get better
2007-01-30 12:29:16 · answer #9 · answered by elfkin, attention whore 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
was this child not planned?? that;s sad that you feel this way and your wife. You should learn to accept the baby because it came from the both of you. Wow- i've never heard of people feeling this way about their children unless they were from another father or the act of a rape.
2007-01-30 12:26:54 · answer #10 · answered by mari d 2 · 0⤊ 6⤋