Dating someone who's not intuitive to your feelings?

Question

I am in a relationship with my girlfriend of 3 years. In the past I have had problems with her wanting to maintain friendships with guys that she had a romantic history. We got into fights, and I have had to tell her that I don't feel comfortable with her seeing them since she did not have the intuition to realize that it would hurt me. Recently a friend of hers visited from out of town whom I wasn't very fond of. She contacted him and made plans to meet up for lunch on Sunday. When I asked her if she wanted me to come she replied "uh, I dunno ...". This made me upset. Later, she said "you're more than welcome to come" telling me that she had stumbled over her words initially. We got into a fight. When Sunday came around she was angry at me, so I told her to go for lunch. She never invited me and went. Situations such as this make me feel horrible. I feel she's not intuitive to my feelings unless I explicitly tell her so. Can we work it out or will it always be like this?

Answer 1

I don't think she is going to change. You two have been dating for 3 years so she knows she can get away with doing what she wants because she knows you will let it slide.

To be honest, if she really loved you she would respect the fact that you don't like it when she hangs out with her old boyfriends. That seriously is not cool. I don't think any one should maintain a friendship with their ex's IF they are in a new commited relationship. Unless there are children involved...but that's a different story.

Whether things can work out is up to you or your GF. She can either stop doing things to hurt your feelings or you can just put up with it. But your GF isn't a mind reader, if you are upset about something you should tell her and not expect her to already know. If she continues to go it AFTER she already knows what hurts you, then you should move on and find some one who loves and respects you.

Answer 2

Mike G,

The only thing that will change a girl like this is if you seriously are ready to walk away- and you do it.

I know because I was her.

And no, one guy couldn't do it....it was not until the shoe was on the other foot that I realized what a jerk I had been dogging guys and abusing their feelings and taking them for granted.

She is only abusing this power over you because in some way, shape, or form- you relinquished it to her.

Take control of this situation. It sounds like she is pushing you (in her own way) for you take more control and power in the relationship.

She sounds like a strong female, and some times it is hard for a strong girl to tell her guy that she'd like it if he were more dominant sometimes. She wants you to blow up! She wants you to stop being so docile.

If you can't do this, this girl is going to destroy you. And destroy you for future relationships. Take control, or walk away Mike.

Good Luck!