Before I was married I thought I would REALLY want kids. Now that we are married we are not sure we want any at all. Sometimes I feel like there's something wrong with me. I am 26 and ALL of my friends are married and have kids. I am an only child and I feel bad b/c I am the only one who can give my mom a grandkid. We (my husband and I) just don't think we want children. what do I tell people when they ask "when are you guys having a baby?" and how do I get over feelings that there is something wrong with me?
2007-01-30 02:12:46 · 10 answers · asked by GD-Fan 6 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
It sounds like you've gone back and forth on the idea of having children so why not give yourselves a break from even thinking about it. Why not decide that for the next 5 years (or whatever) you and your husband will simply not make any decision regarding having children. You are still young enough that in 5 or even 10 years you can still decide to have kids. When people ask, just smile and say that is an issue you'll both deal with in a few more years. Period. And if you end up deciding that you definitely do not want children, then so be it. If your parents are feeling an emptiness from lack of grandchildren, then there are other ways that they can fill this void (volunteer at a local children's hospital, daycare, women's shelter, etc.) Just keep in mind that most people who will ask you about this or put pressure on you, are doing it because they want you to experience the joy that comes with bonding and loving a child. They aren't nagging you to make you feel bad - they are actually wanting the opposite. BUT, if you can't see yourselves being parents that doesn't mean something is wrong with you. It just means that you've got the insight and maturity which, sadly, many parents are lacking. But in the meantime... Take a deep breath and let it go. Make the decision to "not make a decision" at this point in your lives. Good luck.
2007-01-30 02:40:52 · answer #1 · answered by zenobia2525 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You are in the same exact position as my violin teacher, whom I'm very close to. She had a sister who passed away at an early age, and while she loves kids (since she's a teacher), she doesn't want any of her own. She has been married for over 10 years and is happy with her life. Whenever people ask her when she'll have a child, she just tells them she already has kids...her beloved dog and her students. She refers to my sister and me as her adopted children, and from what I can see, she's not missing a thing from life! People will always ask and bug you about when you'll finally have a child, but really, it's your preference and your business whether or not to have one.
2007-01-30 02:52:00 · answer #2 · answered by keonli 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is up to you and your husband to decide if you want children. It isn't anyone elses business what you do. I'm sure that you will catch flack from those people who think you should have kids or that you aren't complete without having them. But a lot of people don't have kids and enjoy the freedom that they have without them. I'm a mother of 3 teenagers and boy there are times I wish that I would have more freedom.
2007-01-30 03:11:08 · answer #3 · answered by Lori C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would very sweetly ask THEM, "Why would you ask such a personal question? I'm sure you didn't mean to be rude, so I'm wondering why it's so important that you know?"
Other answer, "We're not able to right now". Case closed. If you're not mentally able, then you truly aren't able. It's not a lie, it's a factual statement. And if anyone dares to ask you why you're not able, refer to the above.
I have a friend who *was* trying to have a baby, and she had miscarriages. She's been married almost six years. The insensitivity of people who would ask her, "Hey, when are you two going to have a baby" made my blood boil.
People need to learn to MYOB.
2007-01-30 11:25:40 · answer #4 · answered by katheek77 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there is nothing wrong with you.....having children is a really big responsibility and if you and your husband are both in agreement on not wanting any right now then that's your choice......as for you being the only one able to give your parents grandchildren.....you were not born just to give birth to their grandchildren......and I doubt your mom see's you as such.......you're still really young......at 26 you may or may not change your mind about wanting children of your own......when people ask you when your having a baby...... it's really up to you what to tell them....you can tell them the truth........ that right now you don't want children......personally it's none of their business.....I never understood why people assumed they had the right to invade a couples privacy.........once the wedding was over......build on the relationship you have with your husband and enjoy your life together instead of worrying about what other peoples expectations of your life should be......live the life you both want...you'll be happier for it.....
2007-01-30 04:29:47 · answer #5 · answered by Mum3grls 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, there is nothing wrong with you. If somebody asks when you're having a baby, tell them you will when and if you want to. Lots of people make the mistake of having children just because they feel like they HAVE to. Please don't do that. There's nothing at all wrong with not having children.
2007-01-30 02:48:29 · answer #6 · answered by spelling nazi 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
When people bug you about having a baby say:
"What if my husband and I were trying, and couldn't? How would your question make us feel?"
or
"Having children is a very personal decision and I do not discuss it with people other than my husband"
You may or may not ever change your mind, but you need to respect you for you.
2007-01-30 02:22:39 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
good 4 u. the world isn't getting any better. if u don't want them, then don't have them. and if people have a problem with that, then they aren't your friends. i'll bet you those same people will be whinging about everything their kids do for the next 18 years. then you say "why did you have them if all you do is whinge about them?"
2007-01-30 03:37:55 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You can say "When we are ready"
maybe you will never be ready, who knows?
Your mind might change as you get older
2007-01-30 03:20:35 · answer #9 · answered by Dave ! 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry hun but most people that don't want kids don't hang out HERE!!! I'll be surprised if you get many answers!!!
2007-01-30 02:21:31 · answer #10 · answered by Proud Mommy of 6 6 · 1⤊ 5⤋