Discipline for an 18 month old?

Question

My 1 1/2 year old is very "trying" lately. She is the middle child already, which I anticipated would be hard for her. She has a 5 year old sister who was sooo easy compared to her now that I look back :) and a 4 month old sister who was born pre-maturely and needs some special care. I expected for my older children to need some adjustment time after the baby. I am a stay at home mom and try hard to spend special time with each of my children. Of the three, my 18 mo. old absolutely requires the most attention. She knows where/how to find trouble and goes strait for it! I am frustrated because I'm not sure if she's doing this for attention or if she's doing these things because she's been getting away with it for so long. I sat her in 3 brief "time-outs" yesterday, but felt so guilty over it. I am wondering if anyone else has dealt with a similar situation and maybe had some advice?

Answer 1

I think you're going a good job; you just need some encouragement and to hear that you're not doing anything wrong. Please, don't feel guilty for nipping a "problem" in the bud instead of letting it get out of control and needing serious help - at any stage in your children’s lives.

YOU'RE A GOOD MOM!!

Be serious and firm, let her know that you're the Mom (not her), and that when she does things that you don't like that it *makes you sad* or *hurts your feelings* and that you *love* her but it's just *not polite* to be doing these things... and be sure to let her know as often as possible that when she's being good that it *makes you happy* and that you *love* her SOOOOO much!

Children really want to do everything possible in their little worlds to make you as happy as possible. Maybe it's that she feels she isn't getting enough attention, and that getting your attention makes her happy, so it must make you happy?? When she learns how to get your attention, she'll do that again. With my daughter, if she cries for the sake of crying or "wanting" something, I tell her to go sit down in her room until she can ask me politely because when she cries for something it *makes me sad and I don't like it when she cries.* Usually she stops the waterworks before leaving the room, turns around and wipes her crocodile tears to just ask nicely for [a cup of milk]. I give her a huge hug, say "Of course I'll get you [milk], girly!" and we talk about something significant to us both like going to the park, or *the museum last week was SO much fun, wasn't it!?!* It gets everything that just happened off her mind and puts her in a good place when we do it that way.

So I suppose I can sum it up with... mostly ignore "bad" behavior and praise the hell out of good behavior.

Answer 2

I laugh at people when they say kids and there terrible 2's because it started for my daughter way before she was 2...LOL
I know exactly what ur going through, at least with the disciplining. I have a 22 month old, and its so hard to know how to discipline at this age. Everyone and there mothers has advice but just like with most things every child and situation is different. As for me I noticed the more consistent u are the better which at times can be so hard. Time outs are good, if u can get them to take the time out in which then it seems as though u have to punish them for not taking the time out. its very frustrating, and I give u lots of credit having to deal with three, I'm sure some jealousy is to blame, but I'm sure she'll come around once the baby is able to interact with her and she can be the big sister like her older sister is. Just remember Ur not alone! & Good Luck

Answer 3

Well, I hate to tell you this, but a time out for an 18 month old isn't effective, no matter what the circumstances are. My 18 month old is an only child and at times she can be the same way. She wants your attention, if possible ( and I know it's hard) try and set aside some special time just for her and do something that she likes to do. I'm in the military, and I'm a single parent so my daughter does things she's not supposed because most of the time I'm too tired to give her one on one time. I know this is trying because I've been there, but Good Luck.

Answer 4

At that age, there's really not anything you can do about it. She is curious and baby came a bit earlier than anticipated. She still needs a lot of attention as she is still a baby herself. Try to include her in more of the activities of helping mommy. My 3 year old is doing the same thing and has been since she was 1 1/2 so it doesn't get better until they are near 4 when they can fully understand.

Answer 5

Don't expect that you can EVER "reason" with an 18 month old, much less explain anything but basic rules. Your best bet is to child-proof things she gets into and remove her from dangerous things if you can't. That's why YOU are big and she's small!

Also, try not to compare her to her sister, since it will be useless AND probably give her a complex if you keep doing it! To this day, my mom insists that her harsh methods of "discipline" were MY fault (I was an infant! She stupidly saw my crying as a "plot" to "get" her!).

Kids do NOT think that way, unless that's how they're brought up!

Try distracting her (it's pretty easy with a kid that age). Also, keep the rules simple and the time-outs VERY short. She really will NOT get why you're doing this!

I was lucky, in having a pretty mellow kid, and I read a LOT about raising kids, rather than relying on the methods of others (unless I felt they worked and were non-violent).

Still, I found that the same methods worked on my supposedly "uncontrollable" 2-year-old nephew (with a few more consequences, like room-time and removal of toys) if he didn't cooperate.

Think of it this way: YOU are the adult! YOU are the parent who can read books and time-tested techniques on this! YOU can manipulate your innocent kid into (usually) doing what you want...and as she gets older and can understand more, it CAN get easier! Just READ, READ and LISTEN! And remember, she IS just a child, not some scheming villain! Too many parents fall into this trap and see their kids as "enemies" who are "out to get" them! lol It's silly!

you can be in charge, if you just find out how to deal with each stage of development.

Also, treasure these years, because I can tell you, from experience, that once they hit 14 or 16...they're already moving on! You have so little time with them...enjoy it and don't worry so much about "rules". Just keep 'em safe, for the most part! An adventurous kid is usually a SMART kid, who can grow up to achieve great things...if you let her!

Check out the article below for some excellent info on the difference between discipline and punishment and how to make it work for you AND your child!

Answer 6

The first thing you need to do is get over the guilt feelings for disciplining your daughter. When you discipline her, you are setting her boundaries and making it clear that there are consequences for inappropriate behavior. That's what parents are supposed to do. I have 4, and my oldest demands the most attention. She gets frustrated every time her siblings get praise, because she feels like she's not (jealousy). Anyway, I understand your frustration. But they have to learn appropriateness of times. Sometimes, you have to care for the baby. That won't change, and she can not continue making life difficult for the sake of the health of the family and for the little one who deserves to grow up in a peaceful home. You're on the right track. Spend time with her when you can, but she's not an only-child and can't make the demands that only-children have. Just keep doing what you're doing. Shower her with love and affection when you can and expect appropriate behavior when you're doing other things. And stop feeling guilty for setting boundaries. It's hard, I know. But clear and consistent expectations really are the right answer, and that understanding leaks over into every other area of life and makes for more responsible children who grow into more responsible adults. Shaping them for future success starts when they're 1 year old.

Answer 7

She was the "baby" until four months ago and might be feeling sad about losing that role. 18 months is when they start to test the waters and find trouble. I would stick to the time outs in a specific chair for it, don't feel guilty. When mine was 18 months I had her brother, I made her my helper and she loved that. If I got something for the baby I got one for her too, or something similar to it. I let her sleep in the bassinet on the floor once because she wanted to. We got past those toddler years with good memories and some time outs along the way. Do the discipline now or you're life will be hell later. Good luck, enjoy, they go so fast!!!

Answer 8

i am a mother of seven, i understand about the special time with each one alone. It's hard. She could be doing this to see how far she can push you. If time-outs are not working for her, than you might have to try and put her down for a nap. She could be acting this way because she is jealous of the baby. I would say that if this behavior continues, I would give her pediatrician a call and see if they have any handouts on other methods of discipline. Try and getting a hold of a parenting magazine. good luck!

Answer 9

As you said, your newest addition needs extra attention. And that is making your 18 month old want more too. Its all part of sybling rivalry. My 4 year old gets jealous of his 10 month old sister still here too. Its all part of children. But you need to stick with the timeouts and not feel so guilty! She needs to learn now, at this age what is and is not expected of her. If you have to put the baby down to take action... do so. Its okay! She will see over time, that you mean business, and it will slowly fade away.
Best of Luck to you all!

Answer 10

it sounds a lot like the age. My first was so easy I was not ready for what the other two were like. Just keep up with the special time together and the time out as needed, she will grow out of the stage at some point.