How do you deal with the loss of life, when its your friend?

Question

Recently some friends of ours were in a terrible car accident in France, she died and he obtained some pretty hurrendous injuries. Her family are seriously injured and her mother is distraught. How can we help, without getting in the way? How can we begin to grieve for her but be strong for him to help him get better? Its so hard.....all of our freinds are devestated and I am trying to support them all.....seeing men cry is hard. Any advice wld be welcomed....thanks x

Answer 1

hey its always hard... talking about it helps. sometimes, you just have to face the facts. crying is a way of letting it out. i believe men who cry are stronger than men who keep things to themselves. they are not afraid to show their true feelings. you can be a great help by just being there for them. remember, she is in a better place.
sincerely,
me

Answer 2

I am truly sorry to hear this.
First you don't deal with it.I know its a cliche but in this sort of a situation only time heals.Don't feel you have to deal with anything as such because you need to grieve and let the emotions come out as best they can.
A lot of people in your situation feel that by offering to help you are getting in the way.You're not.The family needs you and all friends at this time to be with them and pray for the survivors.Even if you are far away: phone.However little it will mean a lot.Don't think you are intruding.
Men need to cry and its good they are.This isn't a time for stiff upper lips just plain loving and arms around you all.
I pray to God for a recovery for all survivors and for you to get over this tragedy

Answer 3

First of all, sorry about your loss. It sucks to lose a friend. Just be there for them. Listen when they want to talk, but don't press them to talk. Be there for him too, offer to run and get him a newspaper or something to do while he's in the hospital. I'm sorry, hope this helped. Oh, and if you can't grieve for your friend in front of everyone else, writing them letters really helps. You can scream, get mad, cry, or anything you want in a letter, b/c you never have to send it.

Answer 4

There is never an easy way to deal with the loss of life. It is hard on everyone. You can choose to celebrate the life of a person more then mourn their passing. Death is a sad part of life, but there is nothing we can do to stop it. You can find comfort in those around you . There are some support groups out there you just have to look for them. I will remember you and your friends in my prayers. I hope things get easier for y'all.

Answer 5

nearly two years ago a dear friend of mine was in a car accident.
She was killed instantly; her youngest was injured and her oldest was barely scratched. Her middle child had stayed home that day. Her husband just had a few bruises. Another young woman, a teen whom they were taking to begin emancipation proceedings (she was from a horribly abusive home) was seriously injured. Anyhow this rings a reminder note which is very sad for me. Time is what it takes, and lots of tears. May God be with you

Answer 6

I have dealth with much death in my life - the suicide of my husband, the death of a close friend, both of my parents.

When it comes to dealing with those who have suffered the loss, family and friends, do awknowledge what they are going thru. Allow them time to talk about the one they loved, encourge them to remember that person with words. Letting them talk about their memories, their love and their grief is the best gift you can give. Adding your own thoughts will help them to keep theirs coming.

Gentle encouragement to begin to be social again when it's time is also helpful. Providing opportunities for them to get out of the house and be in the world with your support is another gift.

Your own grief must also be attended to. Be sure to talk about the loss and the person you loved. Aside from the funeral try to come up with your own ritual of rememberance to help you to express your feelings.

So many people are suffering in this. Do know that you cannot help them all. Begin with yourself, then when you feel strong enough reach out to others in your circle.

I'm afraid this is something you must feel your way thru. I'ts an experience in pain. Just be sure not to deny any feelings you or any of the friends or family are having. Help those who cannot begin to move on to get the help they may need. Watch for signs that you or another is not moving thru the grieving process. Look up the details of this process on the web. Everyone moves thru it at their own pace and sometimes in a different order but within 9 mos to a year you should see significant improvement.

Do be careful not to try to be all things to all people and know that you can't help them all and help yourself. There will be times when you just can't hear anymore. When that happens, walk away for a time and know that it's quite normal and healthy to take a break from the sadness.

As far as her family, offer yourself and your assistance. They will take you up on it if they have needs you can fill and if not just stay close enough to help if they need you but don't check up on them. They will be happy, I'm sure, to know that you care and will probably want to hear how much you loved thier daughter.

There is no right or wrong in this. Staying open to whatever comes along is the only advice I can give. Talking about the loss and allowing others to do the same worked the best for me. I do feel for all that is happening to you and those you love. Gentle thoughts to you all.

Answer 7

Best way to help them out is to help them cope up with the loss. Even mentioning of the death can resurface the pain. It will take time but with a consistent and understanding approach you can help

Answer 8

had the same experience. its not easy. only time can heal. just be there for them. at times i dont think saying anything will help at all. but rather in actions, pop by to have a lunch/dinner or offer to do the groceries together. companionship with others will help keep them occupied and not think so much and to ease them back to normal life.

Answer 9

well sorry bout the loss but u have to remember everything happens for a reason and u cant change it so remember the good tims u had and dont grieve forever
ive been there

Answer 10

cry, let it out let the blow hit you and feel the pain. don't deny it. then you'll get over it faster...LET IT OUT