hey, ive been with my boyfreind for a year now and he's now asked me to get marrried to him.i would love to get married to him but im scared to be committed, firstly i want to finish of my education ive just go 3 years to go now at university, i dont want any disturbances in between my education,dont get me wrong i love to bits but i have to complete my education, he has no problems with me studying after we get married but i believe its going to cause conflict and unnecessary confrontations if we do get married and i decide to carry on with my education.i dont know what to do im so lost..i am going to talk to him by the end of this week when i see him yet i dont know how to convince him..im really genuinely confused and really do need help.
Thanks
xxxxx
2007-01-30 01:14:24 · 19 answers · asked by alayna 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
thank you soo much for all your answers very much appreciated
2007-01-30 22:46:55 · update #1
My husband was still in school when we were engaged, we waited until he graduated and got a job before we actually got married. You can be engaged and complete school. Or is he saying he wants to get married within a certain amount of time?
2007-01-30 01:23:06 · answer #1 · answered by kateqd30 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you have already made up your mind that you are determined to finish school and there is definately nothing wrong with that. What is 3 more years. You can easily be engaged for that long. You could also use this as a great test period.
Being married is just not all that simple and money is always the fastest way to problems. For example, your a full time student and this means that more than likely your not going to have time to have a job, which in turn leaves him paying all the bills. This add more stress to him, and then leaves you feeling like your not helping ( even though you explained to him your going to finish school ).
If you are committed to finishing school, and plan to use what you went to school with then go for finishing. Now on the other hand if you just want to finish school because you want a degree and don't care if you ever work then might as well drop out now and get married.
Over half the people I know have a degree in a field other than what they are doing for a living. So if your going to finish school be smart about it.
2007-01-30 01:41:50 · answer #2 · answered by UT FAN 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all you’ve got to make up your mind: regardless of the circumstances do you want to get married or not? If yes then read the following
I have the exact same situation as you do first of all I am studying as well and I got a year to go till I get my BA plus I was with my boyfriend for over a year and then he proposed the only difference was that he had already settled the out the situation concerning the whole education thing… what we decided to do was to remain engaged for a couple of years (not necessarily live together) and then get married when we can.
Besides when you get married to a person who you really care about that would be like a huge inspiration for you to carry on in whatever it is you are doing that is important to you. He would always be there to help you and relive you and I am sure you will succeed in both your married life and your studies, etc.
2007-01-30 01:27:50 · answer #3 · answered by Naturelle 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if you are living together now, from my experience, nothing will change by you getting married. I got married in May of 2006 and I am still attending college. Actually, I finished my Spring class 3 days before our wedding. My husband is just as supportive as he was when we were dating & when we were engaged. I don't see why you couldn't accept his proposal and just have a long engagement until you are finished with school or ready to commit. I am facing a some what similar dilemma of my own. We've been married for nearly a year and we have to start talking about things that are important like children. Neither of us are ready now, me especially because I want to finish school and he wants a different job before we have children. We just have to put our priorities in order and decide what is best for us at the present moment. I hope to be done with school in 1-2 years. We're young and in no hurry for children, so I think we'll be ok.
I don't see why things would change in your relationship if you are engaged and/or married and still in school. If you're commitment-phobic, then I would just have a long engagment until you decide you're ready. Best wishes to you.
2007-01-30 02:10:11 · answer #4 · answered by Phoenixsong 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well I would think that i fyou truly wanted to marry him, you would know the answer by now. It would be, yes. It seems that you put your education (which is great) first in life, but you could possibly lose out on this great man if you can't see them meshing together. It's not every day you get proposed to by a man you "love to bits." Or it could be you are not really in love with him and cannot see a future in marriage. Whatever the answer is though, you know, and you need to tell him soon. It wouldn't be fair to string him along while you decide whether attending school separately, single status is more important than attending school whilst being married.
Good luck.
2007-01-30 01:28:28 · answer #5 · answered by Mimi 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm 23 and got married 2yrs ago but I go to a Community college so it's a lot diff than a university. Let me tell you it's not always easy but that's part of a marriage is getting through things together. And a wedding itself is a big project. It's time consuming and takes a lot of work. You want to be able to have the wedding the way you want and not just rush it or settle for less because you're over here studying for midterms too. I'd say wait and if he loves you like you say he does, he will understand and will wait...good luck!
PS sounds like you're not ready for commitment...that's the key to a marriage. If you don't have that, then you should really evaluate your relationship...
2007-01-30 01:25:49 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's really your choice! Remember though, no one said you can't be married and a student at the same time. My fiance and I will be getting married before finishing school, but we already live together and niether of us can possibly see how getting married will get in the way of our goals. There is the possibility that one or both of us will attend graduate school and even that we may have to live seperately to do so, but so what? It's not ideal, but we're prepared for these kinds of struggles because we are commited to this relationship. One thing you should be sure of though is that you do not have children too soon!
If you're not ready, don't get married! Tell your boyfriend that you want to wait. If he loves you, he will.
2007-01-30 02:16:59 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
One, it sounds like you are not ready to get married. My husband and I got married while he was in school and he still did well afterwards, its a personal thing as to how strong you are.. you are saying you cant do both. So dont.
Two, are you already living together? Maybe you should just live together, that will likely satisfy his commitment cravings hes having.. have a long engagement. I was engaged for 2 years... engagements can go on for years and years...
Three, just tell him you love him but school needs to be your priority now.. Im sure he will understand.
2007-01-30 04:18:13 · answer #8 · answered by PenguinsWife 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl. Tell your boyfriend exactly how you are feeling about completing your education and getting married. Trust me. If you don't communicate with him, he might be pretty upset because you didn't talk to him. Relationships and marriage are all about compromise. Love overcomes everything. I don't know if you are religious, but pray. Ask God to help you both through this. Everything will work out. I wish you both the best!!
2007-01-30 01:22:23 · answer #9 · answered by ashleyjones21 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Set the date- for AFTER graduation. If he doesn't want to wait that long, you'll have an answer.
You also need to ask yourself if he is really the supportive type. Will he REALLY give you the time you need to study, and encourage you to succeed. Or will he pout when you need to spend the night at the library, or worse, ask why you need a degree at all once you're married. If he can't fit into your short-term goals, then he's gonna have to be a "long-term goal."
2007-01-30 01:22:13 · answer #10 · answered by Milana P 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋