My girlfriend and I are moving in together. She is 27 and divorced already, and we have been together for a year now. I just know that my parents will be a little dissapointed since they raised me on the belief the pre-martial cohabitaion is wrong...but we both feel that it is right and is a necessary step toward the future. I just don't want them to think we're rushing into things, and while they like her a lot...don't want them to think less of our relationship. How can I tell them without being disrespectful?
I don't think they would try to stop us. We are not kids anymore, but I still care about their opinion...
2007-01-30 00:35:50 · 34 answers · asked by Big and Rich 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I think you must tell them just like to told us, but start off with: Mom, Dad, your opinion meens the world to me and I dont want to be disrespectful to the way you have brought me up, because I think I have turned out pritty good, etc.
2007-01-30 00:43:44 · answer #1 · answered by Mrs. Shrek 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You are a rare breed! How nice it is that you still care about their opinion!
That's the key...You're not kids anymore. You should basically say just what you've said here...but nicely. That you know that they don't believe in pre-marital cohabitation and may be disappointed, but you feel this is a necessary step toward your future. Reassure them that you are not trying to be disrespectful, but you feel you are making the right decision concerning your life. Also, that you're not rushing into this...that her and you have been together for a year. (people get married in less time than that) Tell them that you hope that they can understand why you've made this decision and hope that they are not disappointed, because that was not your intention.
Good luck!
2007-01-30 00:52:28 · answer #2 · answered by Pom♥Mom Spay and Neuter 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
They believe you should not be shacking up. That's it. I agree with them. Yes, you are rushing into things. You are not being disrespectful by telling them what you are going to do, but they may not agree with you. You are their son and they want the best for you, no matter how old you are. They can't keep you from making mistakes and will love you either way. You'll find out when you have kids. You have to choose which side you're on. If you are so concerned about them not liking your lifestyle, then don't do it. On the other hand, if you choose to shack up, don't be surprised or disappointed if they don't give their blessings. YOu have to live with the decision you make,
2007-01-30 00:44:10 · answer #3 · answered by VW 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Premarital cohabitation is all but wrong.Which other way is there for you to discover if you can get on with someone on a daily basis?What if u get married and suddenly realise you can't stand then around??
Times have changed and this is a belief long since disproved.tell them you are being serious with this girl,that you respect their feelings and beliefs and just want to move on with your life.Tell them you love her and as an aduly,you can and should handle your life as you think it best.Good luck and stivk to your beliefs and feelings.Life is too short to waste opportunities and lose people that could make a difference to it because of something you don't even feel right doing...
2007-01-30 01:38:25 · answer #4 · answered by Demi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In the bible, no where does it say cohab is wrong. "Marriage" in todays times is just a peice of paper with two names on and a seal. Thats it...I would not worry to much about your parents. If they are not going to support you in your GROWN ADULT CHOICES then they really don't need to be that much into your life anyway.
But, if they REALLY are going to be a bother to you and your girlfriend, buy a bible and write both of your names in there. Congrats!! Thats how they married way back when..so in the eyes of god, you are married!!
Please don't let your parents rule your life. You are a man and you need to stick up them. If they don't like, so what? They aren't raising you, they are giving you money and you aren't under 18.
Stop trying to gain approval from your parents and stop trying to be a people pleaser. Your girlfriend is at the top of your "make happy" list (well, second to top, YOU are number one till you do decide to marry, legally or spiritually)
2007-01-30 03:34:03 · answer #5 · answered by Pandora 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When I was moving in with my boyfriend, I just told my mom the truth. Yes she was upset, but she got over it. I made sure to call her everyday and visit a few times a week (okay we didn't and still don't live very far away).
Moving in with my now husband before we were even engaged was one of the best things I've ever done. There were a lot of tears, but we worked out our differences and learned we could live together basically without killing each other.
2007-01-30 01:48:54 · answer #6 · answered by njyecats 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since this is an adult situation I think you should handle it like you would any other important meeting. First you and your partner sit and discuss your reasons for this choice. You list on paper the pros and cons of it and then pitch the idea to your parents. Let them know that their opinion matters and that you want to make a decision that works for all involved. This will make them see that they did indeed raise a responsible young man.
2007-01-30 00:41:26 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG! I was in the same boat. My parents raised me not to "shack up." But I look at it like this...it really is a HUGE step in a relationship. I enjoy living with my fiance, but sometimes I want my space. Since we are getting married this is something that I need to get use to. Anyway getting back to your question....you don't have to be disrespectful to your parents. They need to realize that you are no longer a child, you are an adult. Just talk to them by yourself, and let them know that you understand their opinion, but at the same time this is something that you are going to do. Stand firm with your decision, and don't let them think that you are unsure about your move. Good luck!!
2007-01-30 01:34:24 · answer #8 · answered by ashleyjones21 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps it would be best if you sat down with them and explained why you feel this is necessary. If you tell them why you care about her and why you think that living together will work then they may understand better. Convey to them that you are not trying to disrespect their beliefs but that yours are different. By sitting down and discussing the situation rationally it shows your maturity to them.
2007-01-30 01:39:29 · answer #9 · answered by BetsyLauren 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the outcome will have a lot to do with how you approach them, namely your attitude. You have already assumed that they will be dissappointed in you. Not a good approach. Start by expecting them to be happy and excited for you. I wouldn't talk to them until you feel that in your bones and believe it. Then go to them in a very matter-of-fact way and be honest. I can respect the fact that your parent's opinions are important to you. But remember that you are not responsible for how they feel. They are responsible for their own feelings. Also, their feelings/opinions should not be a reflection of you. If they disagree, then look at it as constructive critisism. Don't internalize it. You said it yourself, "We are not kids anymore." Good luck!
2007-01-30 00:46:14 · answer #10 · answered by spiritual.rollercoaster 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋