What is your opinion on mothers who stay home to mothers who work outside the home?

Question

My husband and I are considering having a baby. He is the "breadwinner" in the trades and I am a lowly paid teacher with her masters. I am conflicted on whether or not to be a FT mommy, work PT, or work FT. Teaching is usually a 60 hour a week job because of all the take home work...so I don't know how well I could balance this with the needs of an infant.

I'm sure this will open up a liberal/conservative debate, but I would love to hear from women who were perpexled by this decision themselves...

Answer 1

If the choice is yours, in other words you don't have to work to support the family, then why not wait until you have the baby and decide then. I have known a few women who talked with their husbands, employers and friends and made the decision of when to go back to work and their hours (part-time or full-time), but then after the baby comes, their priorities are different and they completely change their previous decisions. Some women love to stay home with their baby and others need to have time away with other adults. Neither is right or wrong---it depends on the person. My sister-in-law was a very independent business woman who had decided to go back to work part-time after the baby was three months and slowly increase her hours to full time within a year. After she had the baby, she couldn't even think of leaving her and decided to quit her job until she was ready to go back to work. That was 16 years ago (and three more children later) and a stay-at-home mom. It's very hard as a first-time mom to know how you're going to feel and what's best for your family. I would suggest to make tenative plans, letting your employer and husband know that it could all change. I would suggest that trying to hold down a 60 hour a week job and an infant would be quite difficult. Neither your baby or your job would get the attention it needs and you'd feel guilty for both. Get lots of help, hired or volunteer, for the first few months no matter what. Also, my mother-in-law hired a cleaning service for me for the first three months and I'll always love her for doing that for my family. Try not to stress about making the right decision now. You'll do what's right for your family when the time comes. Good Luck!

Answer 2

This is something in the end only you can decide. Some people chose to be a stay at home mother, while others have no choice but to work due to needing the income. If your husbands job can cover all expenses of the home, and you can afford to stay at home, then thats great. It might be something you want to do. For me, my husbands job covers all household expenses and bills, so i am able to stay home. I chose to stay home until my twins reached 2 years old, but then when i was ready and felt ok to leave them with daycare, i became pregnant, so again i will be staying home until this child reaches 2 years old. Thats just a personal choice though. For me it is because the child grows so much and changes so much and does so much the first 2 years i didn't want a miss a single moment!! I was so glad i was able to be there for every first, first steps, words ect....and so i wouldn't have changed a thing. But being a working parent isn't bad either. If you want to get out of the house, maybe consider subing, you mentioned you are a teacher. Then as a sub, you can say no if you get called to a job, maybe baby is sick or something, and if you want a little extra money, that might be a really great flexible option for you. Whatever you decide i don't think there is a right or wrong to your question. Good luck!!

Answer 3

Congrats. I am a full time working mom. My baby is 3 months and I am the "bread winner" right now. Hubby stays home with the baby. I say do whatever you think you can handle. If you have a mother or a mother in law that will help babysit the baby after your maternity leave than I say go back part time till the baby is old enough for day care. You will probably want to get out of the house a little bit and work after being home for 3 months alone. I know I did. On the other hand, I think its great if a mom can afford to stay home full time with there child. It may be hard to ever go back to work after you are home for so long tho. I say take the maternity leave see how you are feeling and then decide after that. there is no wrong way. Whatever you choose you will be doing the right thing for the family. Best luck!

Answer 4

Being a stay at home mother is a completely respectable profession. And I say profession because when you are planning to have many children (and I know you are!), just raising your children right is a job in itself. But I do think that you are doing the right thing in getting a degree. You never can predict how life is going to work out and having a career to fall back on is so smart. Also, when your children get older and are going to school for 6 hours a day, you may find you have less and less to spend your time on cooking and cleaning and may want to take up a part time job for the extra cash and for something to do. Besides, I know you will love teaching. My mom worked an 8 hour job and went to school full time at night when I was in 3-4th grade. My dad worked a full 8 hour day job as well. I was never left alone to get into trouble. I was with family and sometimes daycare. And you know how I turned out ;) I know some people dislike daycare, but the truth is, I met people that I am still close to in daycare and having that daily or weekly interaction with other kids my age taught me a lot about social interactions. Being that I'm such a shy person, I think that having that social interaction so early in life helped me be more outgoing than I would have been. There are so many studies done on putting kids in preschool/daycare and the positive influences it has on their life in the long term. But still, it doesn't have to be all or nothing. You can be a stay at home mom in those younger years when they really need you and as they get older, you can start to work a little and they can get a little healthy independence from you. I think sometimes it's shocking for people who aren't used to that way of life to hear that women still want to do that because it was such a struggle to leave the home a century ago. But raising many children is a job. Don't let anyone tell you it's not. And the truth is, some people are just not cut out for being a stay at home mommy. I know I couldn't. But that doesn't mean we (the "feminists" mentioned above) wouldn't be a good parent. Different parenting styles is all. The truth of it is, no one has the right or supreme knowledge to tell you that being a stay at home mom is right or wrong. Same with working mothers. And if you and Keith can pull off the money situation and being a stay at home mom would make you happy, then there is no reason why you two can't come to some kind of an agreement. I think that lately in society stay-at-home-moms have been looked down upon because uber-independence has been held in high regard. But not everyone is the same. And being a stay at home mom doesn't mean you lose your indepence. Of course you are dependent on your husband for an income. But a marriage is a joint effort. He works for money, you work to raise your children and keep the house in order. Sounds like an equal situation to me. I get odd reactions when I say I don't ever want children, you know that. But what we both have to remember is that people tend to stick with what they've experienced and are comfortable with. And no one can say for sure which is better because each person is different. If being a SAHM will make you happy and you and Keith can swing it, do it. And don't let anyone make you feel like less of a woman because of it. I wuvs you!

Answer 5

I have a now 11 year old and almost 9 year old. I was a full time stay at home Mom until my son was 2. Then worked 2 evenings and every Saturday while my hubby had them. I went back for some extra money and just needed to be around more adults. Now that both kids are in school, I am the lunch lady. I cherish all that I got to do w/ my kids by being home. Make the choice that is best for your family. Working full time and raising kids at the same time is NOT for me. Staying home full time is not for some people. I preferred working very part time. Money, material things....even a career can wait. Kids are once in a lifetime...

Answer 6

This is a really complicated question. With my first baby, I went back to work part-time after three months, not because I had to but becuase I wanted to. I only worked nights and weekends, and my baby was home with my husband, and occassionally I'd fill in for someone during the day, and then he went to my mother-in-law's. After my second baby was born, I went back right away with the same hours. As my kids got older, I had to decide what was more important, working or taking care of my family. I was finding it just too difficult to juggle both and do anything well.

In an ideal world, I don't think both parents should work. I definately understand the pressures of today's society and why many women do work and feel they have to work. The ones I get upset with are when you have both parents in big jobs making big money and they dump their kids in daycare. I do think that society has suffered because of all the working mothers. They're just too exhausted to teach their children to behave decently.

I would suggest maybe working part-time in retail or something like that where you can work hours when your husband can be home with the baby. It gives you time to yourself, and it's great for the father and the kids to spend some time together. My son and husband used to call it "Boys Day," when I would go to work, and they would spend the day together.

Hope that helps.

Answer 7

I'm in the same situation myself.

My husband is also the breadwinner, but not by much. I'm an insurance agent and that means with different spurts in the year, I could make more than him. But like right now, things are super slow. But enough about me.....

I think you should sit down and calculate the expenses first. It may take hours, even days, but you should sit down and really draw up an accurate budget that you know you could stick to - using all 3 scenarios - FT mommy, work PT, & work FT.

All 3 come with different circumstances and different advantages. Like a FT mommy. You - not someone else - gets to raise your child the way you want. You spend trememdous amounts of time together, making a strong bond. Working PT - you get to still spend a lot of quality time with your child, and you get the benefits of working as well. This way you also get some alone time to yourself. Working FT - not much time for you and the baby, but lots of work and money.

It really boils down to what you want to do as a mother.

Personally, I'm doing the PT work from home. I think you would benefit if you looked into doing work from home such as an online tutor with Sylvan or some other well known source. You do have your masters in teaching. You would probably be able to find a very nice paying, yet non-demanding job like that.

So, it's all up to you! (and hubby of course).

I hope this helped and I wish you the best with having a baby and your work dilema!!!

Answer 8

Well, even though I am a man, I & my wife did have the same dilema before the birth of our baby. Finally it was decide that she does a part time ( 5 Hrs a day/ 5 days a week ) job. Her working was crucial as she has studied to Masters level , she would take a break once the child is 2 yrs old for 2-3 yrs & then restart her career. A child's emotional growth & starting years are very critical to all parents & a compromise has to be made when all other things are equa( I mean, if only man's income is satisfactory)

Answer 9

Having a baby is a full time job all by it's self. Your going to have a baby knowing you work full time, and put your child in a day care? I've been with my son since the day he was born, now 3 yrs and he never gets sick like those that attend a day care. I'll go to work when he starts school but i think it's selfish to plan to have a child just to pay someone else to keep it.
If your husband makes good money there's really no reason you have to continue to work full time. Having a child is a huge responsibility if you don't want to give up your job you should probably hold off on having a baby.

Answer 10

In my opinion an infant should not be dropped off at a day care at six weeks old for someone else to raise.There needs to be one parent who is full time whether it be mom or dad but when the child is that small i think mom should be there full time.Well you will have women who will say we can't pay the bills if i don't work,most of the time thats because people in america try to live beyond their means and aqquire more debt than they even make in one year.If you don't try and live beyond your means I think everyone could stay home with their children at least for the first couple of years.Now I am not saying that this is for everyone just saying some people would rather have a 30,000 dollar suv and a 250,000 dollar house and thousands in credit card debt than be with their kids.Thats selfish to me and the kid don't care about that stuff they care about time spent with them.Its up to every family to decide whats more important money and material things or memories with their child.