Adding to my earlier questions: I have known this one girl about 3+ years and dated for a 1.5years. It has been a month now from seeing and living together to not seeing or even talking. I am 25, I met her when I was around 21. We had such a special connection only problem was an ex bf of 5 years. I dealt with it, trying to win her over and I did, but emotionally it left me a bit harder. So she also became harder. We got on so well, but we used fight over stupid things. I loved her with all my heart and tried to do everything right, but I guess she took the break up of her ex very hard. so what happened was that one day she met this guy when we were still seeing each other,2 weeks later after seeing him, she kissed him and ended things with me. It is really really dissapointing because imagine if she didnt have an ex bf that I had to deal with? Now i am the ex, and I just dont know if I can fight the fight anymore. Is it worth it?
2007-01-30 00:20:45 · 17 answers · asked by stephen b 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I honestly don't want to hurt your feelings,,,but I think you are fighting a losing BATTLE,,,,you are fighting for someone that really was never truly yours,,,,I honestly don't think she was over her ex,,emotionally,,,and carried that with her,,and carried that with her while you were seeing each other,,,,and met another guy,,,,,in order for anything to have come from that with this new guy,,,,she had to have put herself out there for him to notice,,,,now,,,,,How honest is that towards you???????
My point is that,,,,,,this wasn't meant to be,,,,someone has something better in store for your life,,,,,Someone that you know loves you JUST LIKE YOU LOVE THEM,,,,,,Real love is a unexplainable understanding of two people,,,and what you all had,,,,was it sounds like to me,,,,was really one sided,,,,I think you loved her way more than she loved you,,,,
Look,,,sometimes in life we tend to want something so very much,,,,that we tend to settle for what we have instead of striving to achieve that inner happiness we are all looking for,,,,You have fought soo hard and long for 3+ years,,,and for what,,,,HONESTLY,,,,for what,,,,for her to just blow your heart and soul away,,,,to hook up with someone else,,,,so you tell me,,,,with all these things put into perspective,,,,,should you fight??? or move on and find real love and happiness????
My vote is for you to move on and find someone to appreciate you for all the qualities that you have,,,and you have a real loyality to you that most guys don't,,,,and you showed your loyality to her and kept fighting for her,,,and where has it gotten you,,,ALONE AND UN-APPRECIATED,,,,,
I do wish you the best of luck,,,and I hope you find someone to love you forever,,,and that you never have to feel like you are fighting for the love of someone again,,,,,Love should come natural,,,and with ease,,,,,not with stress,,,and anger,,,,and an ex!!!!!!!
GOOD LUCK
DAPHNE
2007-01-30 00:46:17 · answer #1 · answered by Daphne F 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
" It's called a break-up, because it was broken " . . . that is the title of a book out there on the market.
At times two will break up for the reason that the two are not on the same emotional page anymore . . . Hurtful to feel and acknowledge. . . yet a fact at times.
You wrote above here that . . .
> > The two of you would fight over stupid things.
> > You tried to do everything right.
> > She saw this other guy. . . he and she kissed. . . then right after that, she breaks up with you.
> > You imagine what it would have been like if she did not an ex (that she was still working through feelings of).
And . . . your second to last sentence . . .
.
> > fight the fight anymore (for her).
.
A woman who authentically cares for a man will not put him in the position of having to " fight " for her. A woman who authentically cares for a man might play a little flirty "come and get me" type attitude. . . but a woman with a true heart towards a man will NOT run a man through the paces to the point he has to "fight" for her.
My advice . . . Let her go. . . take your time to heal . . . allow yourself to feel the hurt . . . learn and grow from this. . . and, when the time is right . . . find a woman who authentially cares for you. A woman who values your heart enough that she does'nt want to have to see you working so hard for her. A woman of value does'nt want to see her guy hurting or you having to ' fight ' for her.
For a man to pursue and woo and encourage a woman to his affections. . . yes. But for her to create the environment that he has to ' fight ' for her . . . that is not the heart of a woman who values your heart.
See your own value and find a woman who also sees that.
I wish you strength and open eyes with this one. It is hard to go through...we've all been there . . . just look at some of the answers and replies on this site.
The healing . . . it at times several weeks or two to three months to move past a deeper heart hurt.
See your own value that you won't be in a relationship where you seem to be the only one who's working at making the relationship right.
I wish you well.
.
2007-01-30 00:56:07 · answer #2 · answered by onelight 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't win something that doesn't want to be won, she made her choice a long time ago, you just wanted it so bad you over looked it. She sounds like she's mixed up and you can't let her bounce between you and the other guy, you deserve to be #1 in the person you Love's life. You weren't #1 in hers, she still had the baggage of the past and she wasn't prepared to move on.
Life is too short and while you are spending so much time and energy beating this dead horse, there's this wonderful girl waiting on you, while this girl doesn't deserve or appreciate you.
I would get some counseling to find out why you feel you have to take sloppy seconds, you deserve someone who loves you without any doubt, you and you alone that you don't have to "fight" for. You need to save your energy to do positive things instead of torturing yourself, be kind to yourself.
Good luck in finding your Ms. Right, she's out there.
2007-01-30 00:33:47 · answer #3 · answered by marianlaughs 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is always worth it, just not with her. You need to take some time out to regain your self esteem. Moving on can be the hardest thing but the best thing in the long run. Perhaps you should wait some time before starting another relationship. If necessary, seek counseling. Having someone good to talk to can prevent broken hearted blues from becoming full on depression. Remember that you deserve to be happy and fulfilled and it will come in time. I hope the best for you.
2007-01-30 00:31:47 · answer #4 · answered by fly guy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please remember that this healing process will take time. You will not recover in a week, or in a month.It is something that you carry with you always but it gets easier.Maybe find a counsel er to talk to for a while to help you deal with it
Please do not try using alcohol to deaden the pain!
Try to find a way to focus your energy in a positive direction. Exercise is one way to work off some of the energy you feel. Yoga may help to focus the mind on positive thoughts.
This may be a good time to break out of your normal world and join a new interest group. Take up a new hobby and go to lessons or meetings for it. Take a class at a community college to improve yourself. Anything you can find to keep your mind occupied will be a great help.
The hardest part is to retrain your brain. You must teach yourself to put the negative thoughts out of your mind. Find something calming to took at or listen too. When a feeling of hurt or pain hits you must force yourself to let it go. Focus on the calming picture or music and do not allow yourself to dwell on the negative thought.
Just some thoughts I know it is hard to see it know but you will get better in time and you will be a better person for it good luck to you
.
2007-01-30 00:49:09 · answer #5 · answered by stegall_sherry 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it would be best if you let her go. You do need to work on a relationship but it shouldn't be a fight. It can only work if you are both working on it together. Take a break and be good to yourself. Give your heart a chance to heal. Dr. Phil has some really good advice about looking for a life partner in his book 'Love Smart'. When you are ready, go out and meet people, have fun and see who turns up. Good luck.
2007-01-30 00:34:30 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont let it get to you
Know that you can turn this around
You'll find your way
Just learn to believe
That theres a reason behind
Whats infront of you now
And
It doesnt matter what anybody says
Dont cry dont hold on to yesterday
I want you to
Pick up the pisces
And be on your way
And make a bigger better brighter day
This is your time
Only by you this life can be define
Be yourself no matter what they say
Just believe
Please believe in yourself
Dont be caught up living in yesterday
Just go make a bigger better brighter day!!!
i wrote that poem for u.... :)
its trying to tell you that this is your life and no one can tell you what to do... so just follow your heart and i'm sure that you'll make the right choice. :)
i hope this advice helps
good luck :)
2007-01-30 00:33:17 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
at the end of the day, she cheated on you, once a cheater always a cheater. would you want to stay with someone for the rest of your life who is a cheater and cannot dedicate themselves 100% solely to you?
she is not worth any of you, you deserve better and there are more people out there who will meet you and feel they dont need to kiss other guys
2007-01-30 00:27:57 · answer #8 · answered by jemma c 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to move on and let her go completely. It is going to take time. Keep yourself busy and your mind occupied and go out and spend time with friends and have some fun. Before you know it, you will have met someone else and your past will be your past. Good Luck
2007-01-30 00:26:31 · answer #9 · answered by Lace 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I checked with my elders and found that beneficial words will in basic terms contain together with his sorrow. healing of the broken heart takes time. there is lots to savour in existence different than marriage. loosen up and luxuriate in existence.
2016-10-16 07:17:46 · answer #10 · answered by holcy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋