My 24 year old son is addicted to this drug and is involved with some very unsavoury people because of it. I recently had to eject him from the house and he is staying with a fiend until he can get a place of his own. How can I help him get the help he needs if he wont admit he has a problem, and how can we, his parents get advise on how to cope with the problem ourselves. We live in Dublin Ireland. Thanks for your advice in advance.
2007-01-29 22:16:46 · 17 answers · asked by dtedad-50 4 in Health ➔ Mental Health
I am 3 years clean from crack cocaine. I am now 19. I would firstly like to say you sound like very caring parents, and i am sure that your son knows that and i myself knew that four years ago...but cocaine puts you in a position where it's your first priority & can make you very selfish.
No matter what my parents did, and what my addicitions counsellor did, i had no intention of giving up until i was 'ready' to give up...what i mean by this is admitting i had a problem and realising that i couldn't live like that any more.
Ejecting your son from your house was a good (but probably hard) decision - and it shows that although you love him, you are no soft touch and one day i am sure he will thank you for it.
He KNOWS he has a problem, but IS in denial and when i was at this stage it was because in my head, i felt that was the way i wanted to be...i felt safe, cocaine was my best friend. But there come a point where i KNEW i couldn't live like that anymore!!
I don't know how long your son has been addicted for, but i am confident that there will be a point where he feels like he cannot live like that anymore, but until he admits his problem firstly to himself and than to you....i know that unless he really WANTS to stop, he won't. If an addict was forced to come clean, chances are it wouldn't be too long and they would be back to their old ways again.
I know this must be so hard for you - it's only when i was clean that i realised how much i was hurting my parents and for that i will never forgive myself.
What you must do now is make sure your son knows that you are there for him - thats all you can do. Every time you see him, try to talk to him about it, maybe print out some information from the internet about recovery and give it to him (He may say he won't read it but bet he does). Remind him constantly of what he has got (how intelligent he is, how many people love him, how you as his parents hate to see him like this)
A big part of my recovery was reminding myself how loved i am - damn it broke my heart, but it worked, and still is working.
Cocaine is a very powerful drug, but you must never give up because it CAN be overcome. I am living proof.
Here's some websites which can provide info for both you and your son, i hope they help.
I will pray for you, and have faith that you will all come through this, and you can get your son back. It's all about strength, from all sides. The most important thing is that he know you are there, always.
I have faith that you son will realise that this is not what is destined for him.....GOD BLESS YOU. We WILL conquer this drug!!!
Hayley xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
www.drugscope.org.uk
www.cauk.org.uk (cocaine anonymous)
www.co-anon.org (families link to CA)
www.cocainetreatment.info (info on treatment+families)
2007-01-30 01:03:39 · answer #1 · answered by Hayley 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he wont admit that he has a problem then there is not a lot you can do except be there when he needs you. Make it clear that any unsavoury behaviour will NOT be tolerated in your house. Sometimes addicts need to lose everything before they realise that they have a problem and it is only then that they will seek help. You could try talking to him again and tell him how worried you are for him but from what you have said already, it doesnt sound like it would do any good if he doesnt think he has a problem.
2007-01-29 23:36:05 · answer #2 · answered by Catwhiskers 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This may sound like a crappy thing to do, but if he's in deep and his life / health is in serious danger, turn him in to the police. maybe you can explain the deal first to see what arrangements can be made to determine if you should go forward. That is, will he get help or simple jail time.
My kid had an addiction that had a 20% mortality rate. Reasoning, begging, pleading, researching the subject and presenting the facts didn't work. I even actually found him higher that a kite one night and beat the crap out of him. I didn't want to but I wanted to demonstrate to him that of you want to kill yourself, let me help. Poor example probably, but I am not Ward Cleaver or Mike Brady.
I did get the police involved. He actually got busted and did a little jail time, but this changed his way of thinking fast. As a parent, this is a tough decision, but cocaine can induce brain seizures and kill the user almost instantly. I think it worth the risk to call the cops.
I am glad to report he is a squared away, semi responsible 21 year old now, thank God.
2007-01-29 22:33:36 · answer #3 · answered by Curious 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The best way to get back your ex is https://tr.im/AHfQR
Here's the hard part: Pretend she never existed, like it was all a dream, don't call her, that will make you the smaller person, be the bigger person since you deserve better, what she did to you on Valentines Day was immature, especially after dating for four years. This person wasted allot of your time and through it out the window. Go out tonight, even it it is only yourself, don't drink and call or feel sorry for yourself, this will only cause you embarrassment! I know your hurting..This will eventually will go away in time. Today is not a good day for you and your emotions are spinning all over the place.
Please, whatever you do, don't answer her calls and don't call her. If she keeps calling, which she pro bally won't, don't return her call for 5 days. Make her sweat and DO Not get back together right away if you discuss this in 5 days. Tell her since she Broke up with you, you have done allot of thinking, and had the taste of "being single again" and you would like more time being "friends" for now, so you are sure you are making the right decision. Remember "She decided she didn't want to be with you" so the door is open for you to get out and see what you have been missing for four years. You honestly need to do this for yourself.
She doesn't know, but what she did was give you the best valentines day present you will ever get! A new start and a new beginning, use it to your advantage. You will look back on this and Thank God this happened now instead of 4 more wasted years of YOUR life. Today does suck, stay Strong and I promise you your life is going to be so much more exciting and you are going to be happy. If you continue to call and call her, she will think of you as needy and won't want you. She is going to rethink what she did to you today and will be hurt, if you act like you could care less. Girls always want the ones they can't have. That is who you are now to her. Let her suffer,realizing what a mistake she made. This will drive her crazy. Right now she is on cloud 9 thinking you will take her back, OH, is she stupid!
Your life isn't ruined, hers is..She lost someone special, and gave you a gift to let to live life and find someone you deserve. You are not getting back at her, your teaching her what an idiot she is and what she lost and what you gained without her. SO when You eventually talk to her, tell her thank you for what she did...
She will be hurt and you will be happy!
2016-07-19 17:15:07 · answer #4 · answered by gary 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there are probably services in your area. here in america the group is call al-anon. it is a support group for families of alcohol and narcotic addicted family members. It was a good place to voice my frustrations and to hear from others on how to handle some situations.
As for your son he won't quit till the money runs out and he can no longer get the drugs. take it from me I know been there done that. The withdrawals will be horrible and he will want and need some support then. Whatever you do don't give into him by giving him money of any kind. If you must do something monetary with him do like my mom did with me she paid the bill with her check and if I wanted groceries she took them out of her cabinets and freezer and gave them to me. She never gave me cash or a check cause she knew where the money would go then.
He will come around cause everyone will leave him and he will have no one left and then he will look to you. It will be hard for you but keep praying to God and he will lead you through this.
2007-01-29 23:30:47 · answer #5 · answered by Grace S 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are 12-step programs throughout the world that you can introduce him to. Or you can speak to someone involved to answer your questions. It is a truly beneficial program that has helped millions of people and it is free without any outside contributions. The most you can do is arrange an intervention. But the truth of the matter is that no one but he can help him go through with it.
Please feel free to contact me via e-mail to discuss this further. I'd be all too happy to be of service.
I was a drug user for 32 years and have been clean for 2.5 years since I got involved with a 12-step program. If it can work for me, it can, and does, work for others.
2007-01-29 22:28:15 · answer #6 · answered by Awesome Bill 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Firstly get him back into your home where you can keep an eye on him. This will make it slightly harder for him to get his fix. It will also make it a little more difficult for him to mix with the wrong people. Secondly, don't blame everything that might go wrong on his addiction. Be open about the problem and let him know that he can come to you for help. Also finding out more about the addiction and perhaps joining a support group will help.
2007-01-29 22:29:42 · answer #7 · answered by ananamil 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I, unfortunately have a similar problem and i am fighting it by withdrawing funds. He will have to make it without the sweet package of cash I give him each month. When he is ready to talk to me when his money runs out. I'll be a very kind an compasionate listener but I'll never give in to drugs, not even a small amount.
2007-01-29 22:32:55 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
First of all my heart goes out to you. The hardest thing to accept is that you cannot really help your son until he is ready to help himself. That is the toughest part of dealing with a loved one who is an addict. So keep your heart open, but your wallets (money sources) closed. Do seek help for yourself and your spouse. A minister, or therapist can help you deal with the major emotions you must be going through now. I hope everything turns out ok for you and your son.
2007-01-29 22:36:52 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You cannot do anything for your son until he admits to having the problem. He cannot get clean until he has decided on his own to do it for himself. I applaud your decision to make him move out, as this will allow you to detach with love. I urge you to seek some help there are programs that will help you to cope with this issue. Call your local Alanon, they have support groups, and public health agencies. They can advise you what you need to do if he decides to seek help and give you some support surrounding your own feelings of guilt and anger until he decides to seek assistance. Good luck and God bless there is nothing more painful then watching our children make decisions that we know will be bad for them, I hope everything works out for all of you.
2007-01-29 22:24:26 · answer #10 · answered by Elle M 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋