Child's Friend BAD influence, and a bully.?

Question

Hello,
My daughter is 4 years old, she started school in sep 06.
She is a very well behaved child. Very kind and gental, and is tolerable of other childrens bad behavior. She is friends with a child that is about 6 months older than her, this little girl is the tolal opposite to my daughter, very out spoken, and really likes to boss everyone around including her parents, who don't show any dissapline at all. she always gets her own way. At first I thought it might be good for my daughter to be her friend, because it might make her alittle more outgoing. But I am now seeing a complete change in my child, She is getting in trouble at school, and when I comfront her about her behavior she usally says that this child "told her to do it" She has also told me that she makes her do things that she dosen't want to do. I have spoken to the parents but they just said they don't like serpressed children, and of course their child is an angel. I feel that this friend is more like a bully. Help!

Thankyou for your answers.
You all have vauled points.
I will take these on board.
My daughter is going to start a dance class at the weekend, and I have invited some different friends round to play. Thanks. x

Answer 1

Unfortunately not every parent has the same standards that we set ourselves and this problem is not going to go away. In fact over the next few years it will get worse as your daughter is introduced to all sorts of children with what you will deem unpleasant characteristics.

You need to re-enforce the values that your daughter has lived by up until now and explain that, regardless of whether she was told to do it, or forced to do it, she knew it was wrong. She needs to know that SHE is responsible for choosing to do either 'the right thing' or 'the wrong thing' and that you will not accept 'but she told me to' or 'but she does it' as an excuse.

This way you take the power away from any disruptive influences by giving it back to your daughter. If you set the precedent of 'it's all her fault' now and point the finger elsewhere you are making a very large rod for your own back long term.

Good luck, and don't worry too much, if she was nice before then it won't take much to steer her back onto the right path.

Answer 2

You could talk to the school to try to get them to mix the children differently, so they don't spend all their time together.
Then you maybe need to talk with your daughter; tell her its nicer to be nice, that she is a good girl and listens well, but that she doesn't have to do things other children tell her to do - its good if she thinks about what she does and makes her own decisions, not because some one has told her to do it (teachers and family excepted of course) - your daughter wont know what behaviour is acceptable until you tell her and that is fine for you to do and also if the other girl is in your home you can say, 'please don't be bossy ' and intervene - that is fine, if her parents wont, you can, and if they don't like it they may stop coming round. They may not have noticed that she is a difficult - or they may not have realised they can teach her how to behave - you can be a good example to them too.

Answer 3

It's a good question but one i think you need to spend some time talking with your daughter about and maybe getting her to join some out of school activity where that child is not around and she m,ay learn that what the BAd child is doing is wrong.

Answer 4

You should invite other children around to play with her. At four kids will just adapt to any friendship. My brother was a bit like that but now he has new friends. But he used to swear and everything and he was four. However it might not just be the influence the child maybe trying to find her boundaries. A child, unless bullied can't be forced to do absolutely everything she probably wants to do some of the things as well.

Answer 5

you've got to expose her to better influences, after all, you're the parent and it's your job to give her the best environment in which to grow. So find other parents and their kids and get your child out playing with them. Find activities that this awful kid doesn't go to, and enrol your child (dancing, trampolining, etc.) Restrict the amount of free time that your child has to play with this kid, by organising entertaining activities with other children.
It's a bit of work on your side, finding these things to do, but your child will definitely see the difference between laughing with bright and high-toned kids, and then returning to a bossy playmate.
Good luck

Answer 6

Talk to yoru daughter and let her know that this little girl is not telling her to do good things, she is telling her to do bad things and that she shouldn't do what this little girl is telling her to do. The only person that she should listen to is her teacher and let the teacher know at school what has been happening. This way the teacher can look out for her and maybe seprate them so that they are not always playing together.

Answer 7

If this child is in the same class as your girl, ask the teacher to keep them seperated as much as possible. eg: sit them at different tables in the classroom.

I'm afraid that you cannot stop them from being friends at playtimes, but it may help to tell your daughter that you find her friends behaviour unacceptable, and that you dont want her thinking that she should behave like her friend. Tell her you like her just the way she is, and that there is no need for her to do as her friend tells her.

Answer 8

let the school know that you are concerned about your child and the other childs behaviour and see what they say, they may have noticed that the other child is a cow and maybe they already have a plan in place at school. out side of school hours just keep your child away from the little madam. failing that just slap the other kid - kidding!

Answer 9

all kids have these kind of so called friends!!
the more you object the further you'll push them into disobeying you!!
i'm afraid you have to (to a point) take a back seat and let them discover the truth about these kind of people
ALL lifes lessons are hard but keep ya cool

Answer 10

dont blame the other child for ur childs behaviour they all learn new tricks when they go to kindy childcare or school the difference is u need to teach ur child right from wrong