I went out with a guy last year, it was only for a while but I fell in love with him. It turned out that he was cheating on me so I dumped him. We stayed friends because we have the same friends and we used to see each other alot and im 35 and cant be doing with childish fall outs with people.
He has been trying to get me back for the last couple of months and is very sorry for what he did. Im playing it very cool and just offering friendship and nothing else at the moment....but im not sure what to do.. I can forgive but im not sure i can forget. should I give him a second chance????
2007-01-29 20:48:25 · 46 answers · asked by pinkkitten 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Just want to thank everyone so far for the sensible honest comments xx
2007-01-29 22:52:25 · update #1
dont do anything for now.. stay friends, keep playing it cool and give yourself all the time in the world to decide what to do. You might even find he'll get bored waiting, and if that happens then he definately wasnt the man for you. Take you time, you owe him nothing. Good luck!
2007-01-29 20:53:37 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Only you can make that call hun - do you feel you can trust him if you do give him a second chance? I know lots of people say once a cheater always a cheater and all that but I personally believe people CAN change.
he seems to be genuinely remorseful for what hes done so if you like him enough and feel you can move on from what has happened then I think you should! You'll NEVER forget what he did - but its a case of putting it to the back of your mind and not bringing it up every time you two have a fallout etc - start with a clean slate second time round and leave the past in the past.
xx
2007-01-29 22:02:44 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
And what have you learned? There are common cliche like "lepoord does not change their spots" & "plenty more fish in the sea". and how did that feel for you, when he apologised? Whats your intuition telling you? Will you always be looking to see how he is acting around other females? or will you always be suspious of him? as people I think we like to hold on to whats comfortable for us and this is what you know, thats too easy!!!!
Have you or he had relationships since then, sounds like you have not, therefore your may have nothing to compare!
studies have repeatedly shown that 10% of all children are not related to their fathers. That is, they are the result of "infidelity". The cases of infidelity discussed here represent the tip of the iceberg of relationship infidelity since the majority of affairs are not found out.
The concept of a monogamous relationship is flawed and does not exist in nature. Even so called monogamous species, which are rare in nature, other then humans, show substantial rates of infidelity. Furthermore, the concept that marriage/long term relationships gives total control over another individuals body including their sexual activity is ridiculous and primitive. Relationships are much more than who you have sexual intercourse with or should be. Forgive and forget is the best policy. A possible bad relationship is much better than a good one to come with someone else.
An old proverb:
From the day you love truly your heart will be in your mouth and your hand in your pocket
2007-01-29 21:12:11 · answer #3 · answered by mark h 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, I could never trust again. It would be in the back of my mind the entire time we were together, & would eventually cause major dramas. Would you be wondering every time he was 5 mins late if he was off with someone else? If he talked about another women would you wonder? I'm not a jealous person & I would trust my husband 100% in any situation, but if he'd cheated on me it wouldn't be that way. I know I couldn't handle the thought that it might happen again, but you might not be concerned over it & might trust more than I would. Up to you ultimately, but I couldn't do it...
2007-01-29 20:55:23 · answer #4 · answered by kyls 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think everyone deserve a second chance, and if you think he is gonna be the right person for you then why not forgive him and if you really love him as you said then I'm sure your love will help you forget what he did to you after a while, cause you can't be upset with someone you really love.
2007-01-29 21:08:19 · answer #5 · answered by chilly 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Personally i wouldnt take him back as he done it once, whats goin to stop him doing it again? if he idsrespected you like that in the first place he couldnt have thought that much of you. But if you honestly think he is genuine and will not do t again then only if your certain then give him another chance, but what if its always in the back of your mind? how will a relationship work like that? as long as you can have a clean slate and he really regrets it and gives it his all then i hope it goes well. Only you know what you really want xx
2007-01-29 21:14:21 · answer #6 · answered by Kimmy xx 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
NO!!! leopards can change their spots. If he cheated once he'll probably do it again...and you will find it hard to trust him e.g if he goes out and says he'll be back at a certain time and he ends up late for some reason then you will become suspicious. Once that trust has been betrayed theres no going back just keep him as a friend and find a decent guy !!!!
2007-01-29 22:08:58 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You were only together for a while. What makes either of you think that it will be different now ?
You're the one that fell in love - not him - so you have the most to lose.
Take the chance but hang on to your heart. Without becoming too hard.
2007-01-30 03:39:37 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do what u think its best. Most people thinks a cheater will always be a cheater. Am sure there are much better guys then him. You can forgive him bt that doesn't mean u have to be with him. From ur age, i don't think he is any younger either...so i wld say he is just a selfish prick...be friends and nothing more.
2007-01-29 20:55:55 · answer #9 · answered by DooGie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I believe in 2nd chances, but that does not mean that you have to forget the reason for a 2nd chance..... but you have to be very clear with him this time.... that he if he messes up this time its over!! There are times when ppl realize what they are missing in their life after they lose them... guess same happened to this guy... ppl make mistakes and learn from them... if he learnt his lesson.... that's a good sign... maybe he loves you as much as you love him..... I have learnt one thing about love... its all about taking risk!! But don't let him hurt you this time... you have to play it safe to make sure that he is a changed man....
Your old enough to knew whats the right thing to do :-) wish you all the best!!
2007-01-29 21:09:11 · answer #10 · answered by Pari 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋