Any words of advice or comfort for the husband of a Bipolar Disorder (Manic Depression) sufferer?

Question

I have been married to my wife Josie for just over 7 months. She suffers from Bipolar Disorder (Manic Depression), though only really suffers the "manic" cycles. She is currently displaying her trigger symptoms, which are "suspicious thoughts" where she thinks she is in some kind of spy story. Although I thought I'd be able to be strong for her, I've found myself very scared and worried.
I am obviously encouraging her to keep the specialist up to date, especially while she is aware of it, in the hope that they can suggest medication etc to stop it ballooning into anything as serious as she has suffered in years gone by.
Just wondered if there was anyone out there with any words of wisdom?
Thanks in advance for your time.
Martin

You may have to forgive my spelling here, but my wife's medication is Lithium and Olanzapine. The latter has been increased in dose recently, as she is also taking beta-blockers to combat recent migraines.

Answer 1

I really feel for you, my husband has bi-polar and we have been married for 17 years.
I found a great book that has helped me to understand the illness a little better, if you can get a copy, it is well worth the read. "Loving Someone with Bi-Polar Disorder" helping & understanding your partner, By Julie A Fast and John D Preston, PSY.D.

Staying on meds and taking at the right time and right dose does not always keep someone with bi-polar stable, it will help flaten out the mood swings but not stop them altogether. If that is the case for your wife, you should both sit down with her doctor and work out a plan of action for when the cycle starts to change.

Answer 2

I am bipolar so I know what she is going though. What the lithium levels and make sure they are checked often they can cause some serious side effects ( I suffered seizures after taking it for a 1 1/2 and my new doc did not check my levels until it was too late). I think she may be misdiagnose. I have never though i was in a story or anything like that. but we may be different types it is just something you may want to look into. Tell her this.." Everything is okay. I love you very much and I am here for. This will not last forever you just have to be strong to get though it." I know it sounds dumb but just say it and it will help her get though the tough times.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Dear Martin, My family was walking on eggshells around me. I've been diagnosed with a milder form of bipolar, I would swing between rage and depression. The medication that I'm taking has made everyone's life much easier. I go to my shrink once every month or two and we discuss how the meds are working. My husband has even gone with me on occassion when he was very concerned. My meds get switched almost every time . Sometimes the meds are changed to others, sometimes it's the dose that changes. Take her to a reputable psychiatrist. My husband works for a large corporation and they have a counseling service available that helps patients to find the help that they need. In addition to the psychiatrist who handles the meds, a counselor or psychologist is also helpful, not just for you but for your wife. Depending on your circumstances, there are those that take payment on a sliding scale. I don't know what country you're in. I'm in the states but have lived in Canada, so I'm giving you this from my perspective. It sounds as if the specialist hasn't found the right meds. I'm not familiar with her symptoms--those of the suspicious thoughts, however I know it takes a diligent doctor and a cooperative patient. She may have stopped taking her meds Find a way to store her pills or dispense them yourself so that you know she's taking them. You and she don't need to suffer like this with the pharmaceuticals that are available. My heart goes out to you both. God bless. You may want to consider changing doctors if you're not seeing good results. Second opinions give a fresh perspective. She's blessed to have you!

Answer 4

One of my Loves is bipolar.

It is sometimes a constant trial and tribulation... we both have to work at it.

You are going to have to educate yourself on the illness and her specific symptoms, which it sounds like you are doing. Often you are going to pick up when she is cycling before she does. Then comes the fun part... convincing her that she is, indeed, cycling and needs help.

Paranoia is not unkown amongst the symptoms of bipolar. That can be particularly difficult for a couple because the bipolar partner can start to suspect the mate. Learn about the symptoms of mania and watch for signs mixed state... that is the most dangerous. Mixed state is combined mania with depression and many patients with bipolar suicide or attempt while in this state.

Try to participate in your wife's treatment. This is something that you both, as a couple, must work on. I can tell you that it is going to be hard. My Love has Bipolar 1 and she and I have been through hell and back. The best you can do is support her and learn about the illness.

I caution you about something those with bipolar do and it is really a problem: they tend to not take their medication. Sometimes it is due to side effects. These are very real but, with the right medications, the side effects are usually not that horrid. Another reason patients with bipolar do not take their medication is because, when they are manic, it feels better to be manic or they think that they are "well".

Be careful that your wife does not drink if she is on medications... alcohol adversely affects most psych medications.

Feel free to email me (my email is available on this website).

What I would suggest to YOU is speaking with her specialist and getting "hooked up" with a specialist for yourself. You need to learn how to handle your own reaction to her disorder and learn how to deal with Bipolar itself.

You may become frustrated but, truly, it can work.

Answer 5

Hello...........I have been in the same place you are at right now,as my daughter is bipolar and stays more on the manic side of the illness. My daughter once thought that she was being followed by the mafia and hid her car in a corn field so that they couldn't find her, all the while wearing a court jester hat because "laughter is the best medicine,Mom." Sometimes I am afraid that she will "escape" and I will never find her. I have gotten rather used to her idiosyncrasies,and all I can do is just try to steer her away from danger while trying to convince her that she needs to talk to her psychiatrist. Any suggestion of this turns me into the enemy, and the one who needs help, in her mind.
Judging from what you have said about your wife's symptoms, I'd say that she is in the throws of a full manic episode, or at least very close to one. Perhaps she needs to be evaluated again, and a different medication mix prescribed. In my daughter's case, one of her relapses was caused by too much anti-depressant being prescribed. It triggered the mania in a big way, and up until she needed hospitalization, she was extremely paranoid. Until she became level, they took her completely off the anti-depressants. I guess this is really quite common. Many things can trigger symptoms, like stress or even hormones. The last time my daughter relapsed, she had not stopped taking her meds at all, the death of my fiancee was just too much for her to handle. Her worry about me was overwhelming, she tried to drop me off at the mental institution,[ at door #3 because three was my favorite number!?] Saying that she did not want me to die. I convinced her to take me to her psychiatrist so I could maybe get her to help me. Once we reached the emergency room, and her doctor took a look at her, my position again became public enemy #1 as we admitted her. It isn't easy work, loving someone who is bipolar, but my daughter is finally over the denial which held her back for so long. She has been relapse-free for over two years, is going to college, and making me proud on a daily basis.
My daughter has found the most success with a drug called Geodon. She also has taken Ambian on occasion for sleep. With other medications, she had tremors, and a weight gain of nearly 100 lbs. This alone caused her so much stress that she stopped taking her medication entirely.
When my child was first diagnosed, I was almost as lost as she was. I knew nothing about mental illness and had to get myself informed so that I would know what to do, so I enrolled in a course given by The National Alliance for the Mentally Ill [N.A.M.I.] called the Family to Family Education Program. The classes met once a week for 12 weeks,and was free of charge. The information made me a much better caregiver, I learned what to do and even more importantly, what not to do, when it came to caring for both my daughter and myself. I highly recommend it to anyone who wants to conquer their fear of the unknown and find a little peace of mind. I also realized that I did not have to go through this alone. I believe that they actually saved my sanity. Good luck to you ........and take care.

Answer 6

You didn't mention it, but it may be the Lithium is flattening her out too much so that she isn't taking it; and typically she would not want to go with higher doses of Lithium for the same reason. An appropriate anti-depressant to take with the right dose of Lithium is known to take away that flat feeling..she is more likely to take her medications.

Answer 7

I have no real medical advice as I am not qualified to do that. Instead I thought you might find this quote really nice.... Cheers me up when I am down, I have it on my desk at work.

'Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow'

I wish you and your Josie all the luck in the world. x

Answer 8

Im manic my husband is bipioler and so am I at times and we get along we have the best relationship and we have been married sinse like 5 years

Answer 9

Your wife isn't on any meds? Her "trigger" symptoms sure sound like a manic state to me. When she is like this YOU need to call her doctor and get her seen. Good luck to you and her

Answer 10

Hi
I have bi-polar myself.What you are discribing doesn't really sound like bi-polar.(i could be wrong as i'm not a doctor).
For my disorder i take Sodium valproate,that is a mood stabilizer.I also take Lexapro for the depression,and i take xanax.
I think a mood stablizer would be good,if she isnt taking one already.
Hang in there,see doctors.I just came out of hospital because of bipolar disorder and belive me she doesn't want to be in there.
good luck