I start finding faults in them until I can't bear it any more and have to finish with them . Then I regret it and am back to feeling lonely and isolated.
I can't seem to break this cycle. I tell everyone that I am just not good at relationships and that I prefer the single life, but the reality is that I don't - I need the companionship and closeness. It is just that I can't seem to sustain things for any length of time!
I don't know how to sort this. What should I do? It is beginning to make me feel rather despondent.
2007-01-29 19:17:36 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Mental Health
I am a woman, and this has been a problem all my life. People have referred to me as 'an idealist' and 'a romantic', but I know this is not the problem - I do accept faults in others and I don't think I am perfect (rather the opposite!) but in a partner, I become intensely irritated by small things until I cannot bear even to be around the person. I have scuppered several very good relationships because of this, and have just done so again.
Your replies are excellent, and I thank you.
2007-01-29 20:34:47 · update #1
i'd recommend speaking to a therapist. you sound very push-pull. and maybe afraid of intimacy beyond a certain level. this can be totally normal and usually stems from something in childhood.
good for you for recognising a problem. now let's take that next step and get some help. you deserve more than this!
2007-01-29 19:21:08 · answer #1 · answered by Carla S 5 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Shoot. The truth is relationshops like marriage are a real hassle, kids, diapers, up at 3 am serving and worshiping a 2 year old and the like. Single is much better. Love than sex, Friends than lovers. We used to say that marriage was temporary but friendship was forever. Sometimes that can be true too. I say, look up some issues on the Answers search option. What a big world to get tied down. Hey, you want a net friend. Let me show you this too.
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2007-01-30 03:33:34 · answer #2 · answered by hb12 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say you were very negative minded about relationships
The thing is, you'll never find the perfect partner, theres always going to be faults and to make relationships work people have to compromise believe me
Some people just get on better on their own, im the same
I love the love and affection side of a relationship but everything else i see as negative possibly because i have low self esteem and various other problems
I have a low tolerance of accepting certain things in a relationship
Id say try and be positive in your next relationship, just think......if you go looking for faults....you will find them
Try and be positive and change your thoughts by replacing whatever you think is "faulty" with something that you "like" about your partner
or just accept your partner, if theres something you dont like try and force yourself to accept it and see how it goes
Good Luck
2007-01-30 07:23:17 · answer #3 · answered by BOB 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well it sounds like you may have a problem with wanting an relationship, even if you do not know it, you may want an relationship , but then there may be a part of you that is afraid of getting that close to someone, and they hurt you, or leave. So you seem to look for those little things, and keep on finding more and more more, til every relationship you get into you find yourself looking for every little thing. And so your relationships keep ending. I would suggest you go to an therapist and get into therapy and find out what issues are behind this and work on them , so you can have a happy and meaningful relationship with someone you love.
2007-01-30 06:23:26 · answer #4 · answered by Ladyofathousandfaces 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
maybe there is something in you that makes you feel not good enough for your partner or friend and your reaction is to blame somebody or something. so you blame the closest person you come in contact with- your new friend that just wants to open up to you. you are definitively in a vicious circle. loosen up a little bit there are a lot of people out there that just want to accept you and help you the way you are. just look at all the answers you are getting!!!
2007-01-30 03:56:18 · answer #5 · answered by theworstartist 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh my gawd, you sound like me! My theory is though you need someone in your life, chances are ya afraid of letting someone in your life. Ya scared of getting close to someone and being even the teeny bit dependent on them. Maybe you shd just chill and not have any high hopes from the person. Take it as it is and enjoy the moment and not worry about the future coz when you do start worrying, you will tend to pin point his/her flaws and you begin to drill in your head that you have to live with those flaws in the long run. Truth is ppl change, even you. what turns out to be a flaw now may not even bother u in future. so just chill and enjoy without any expectations!
2007-01-30 03:23:53 · answer #6 · answered by Wish 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I don't know how old you are but you may just not have found the one you truly love!!
You wont want to be with someone you don't have feelings for
that is quite natural!
Just try to not stress &
next time you pick a girl to go with ,
make sure its not just physicial
make sure you care very much about her & that she is on your mind often & you want to protect her & keep her safe etc
don't give up just wait & she will turn up one day
2007-01-30 03:42:30 · answer #7 · answered by ausblue 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's human to find faults in others. You should try to find what you like about him/her, and hopefully you will begin to over look thier flaws. This way when you can enjoy the qualities that they have. Relationship is about compromising and working things out.
2007-01-30 03:33:00 · answer #8 · answered by bandageboi 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i feel your self esteem is low and to balance you feel you have to find fault in your partner which is not unheard of but to correct this you need medical help so why not have a word with your GP and he will direct you in the right direction Good luck
2007-01-30 06:46:16 · answer #9 · answered by srracvuee 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
the dissappointment is proportional to our expectations
is it similar feeling when you 1. finish with someone,and after you 2.regret
2007-01-30 06:33:52 · answer #10 · answered by Srbo Sutaric 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋