Found out I may have a child, have contacted by e-mail, mother was a very loose woman, and I may not be the father. He says he knew about me, I was told he was not mine, and went on with life. Are there any materials avail for guidance in these matters?
2007-01-29 16:30:58 · 9 answers · asked by burkles@sbcglobal.net 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
It must have been very difficult for him to contact you after all these years. He has a great many questions for you, and you should be forthcoming on your answers. But, try not to criticize his mother no matter what you think about her. Speak of her as a wonderful woman even if you don't believe it. Remember, she suffered for 18 years and you didn't for whatever reason. Nevertheless, like the others have advised, you'll need to get a DNA comparative test to provide proof positive of your biological relationship. Call 1-877-362-2388 DNA Center for details and how to go about it. In the meantime, treat him as if he is your long lost son, with respect and dignity. Don't be surprised if he pulls away from you after your first meeting (so get a DNA sample then for testing) because he doesn't doubt your paternity and you should not let on as if you doubt it. If you want to keep the contact, keep your conversation pointed to his future, tread lightly on his mother and make no derogatory comment about her or her family, speak about your history, family, health, and future. Stay in touch no matter what he says if you are his biological father. Include him in your will and estate. Name him as your beneficiary along with your legitimate children. Treat him as an equal with them. If he asks how it happened, tell him you two were young and inexperienced and drop it at that. Tell your present family about him and arrange a pleasant introduction. By the way, most all unmarried fathers are told the child isn't his because that's what he wants to hear, so he leaves and never checks back. Unfortunately, you are not alone.
2007-01-29 17:18:48 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Congratulations?? I guess that depends on whether he turns out to be your son or not. Regardless, I think it's great that you are taking these steps and the responsibility. I would say, the first thing to do is talk to him and meet. Maybe he is the spittin' image. While I'm sure you can find all kinds of advice on-line on this, I would say no matter what, you should take a paternity test. Both you and the boy have the right to know if you are truly his father. Tell him you want to know for both of you, and if you turn out not to be, let him know you will help him find his real Dad. Everyone deserves to know their history. I would say, that's a good start. As for his "loose woman" Mother, if you laid down with her, I don't think you have any right to categorize, do you?
2007-01-29 16:36:49 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. Sperm donor...someone who donates the chromatin material to make another human. Irreguardless who you do it with you should have that responsibility and know that potential exists no matter what you or she has done to "protect" yourselves from pregnancy.
2. Father... A male figure who loves unconditionally and is a mentour and guides and is there for life. A father dosen't have to be a biological thing but it can. Being a father is about the relationship and the committment not the sperm.
Which one are you?
2007-01-29 16:37:51 · answer #3 · answered by xx_muggles_xx 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First go for an paternity test, for all u know the mother could be using u to get money from u. If u are the father, u seem to have a very kind heart, get to know ur son, take him out to eat &get to chat with him, dont force a relationship.
If u want to go with something more professional, u could seek out guidence councelling.
2007-01-29 16:50:54 · answer #4 · answered by Phoenix21 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Contact a local pastor to get some guidance. Also, get a paternity test so that you both know the truth before you put the emotion into establishing that kind of relationship!
2007-01-29 16:34:50 · answer #5 · answered by Nurse Jacqui 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well you want to know if your the father you and the supposed son and mother will all have to have dna tests.Best to start out with a lab that takes the blood so it will be secure.no tainted blood. like people changing blood.It has happened!they do alot of things differnt now but I thik too do this ASAP give you peace.
2007-01-29 16:38:36 · answer #6 · answered by Smiles 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ya you need a DNA test. Maury (talk show host) would just love this story.LOL It wont be easy at his age you've missed so much I hope he does not blame you He needs to blame his mother. I think every man has a little bit of fatherhood in them. Good luck Dad
2007-01-29 16:37:28 · answer #7 · answered by bluemoon 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Paternity tests work at any age. All you need is a mouth swab from each of you.
2007-01-29 16:52:02 · answer #8 · answered by nursesr4evr 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DNA both of you go in and get checked togeather .
2007-01-29 17:05:13 · answer #9 · answered by Elaine814 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋