I recently dug up some old memories while moving my household to a new city. I have a very nice (and HUGE) photograph from an ex done his senior year. The subject matter addressed his recently deceased mother. I also found a wooden spoon she cooked with. Granted, he gave these to me, but I've felt weird about them ever since my own mother died.
I've moved near the school he teaches at, and it would be easy enough to contact him. I could just leave them at the office? But, that might seem creepy.... I guess I could attach a letter and explain? Ugh, I've been having weird dreams about it.
Frankly, I'd love to have coffee and ask about his new projects, and see what he's up to. He could easily be married with a child by now. I'm just curious what happened to him, btw, I'm HAPPILY married. I recently saw one of his works at a local gallery and it piqued my interest even more. It feels wrong to just throw these personal artifacts away. aah! nightmare!
2007-01-29 16:05:10 · 7 answers · asked by mystère 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Also, it's a little weird because we havn't spoken in maybe 5 or 6 years. There just wasn't a need, (it wasn't a crazy bitter dramatic break-up thing, just slightly bitter but still cordial).
2007-01-29 16:14:38 · update #1
Ok. Yes, I have other reasons! He's involved with the local art scene... and I hope to be. In fact, I might even take classes. I recently wanted to attend a lecture at his college but didn't want to freak him out and look like a stalker. I also want a certain element of freedom and comfort, and maybe even some local connections!
2007-01-29 16:21:04 · update #2
In other words... I will inevitably run into him.
2007-01-29 16:22:00 · update #3
I don't think he'd be emotionally upset, in the end of our relationship... well, we had an "open" relationship. HAHA! (rolls eyes) I knew about his last girlfriends, he would confide like I was a regular friend, before we stopped talking for good.
2007-01-29 16:24:30 · update #4
Good grief. When I say weird dreams I don't mean "sexy" dreams. I mean weird dead mother dreams and the artifacts. His photograph is this lovely layered image of a house in flames and water. Flying across the top is a plane and towing behind is a banner from which "Hi Mom" can be read backwards. It's all very depressing. My husband loves the photograph, actually... he wants to keep it, but it haunts me.
2007-01-29 17:18:53 · update #5
AND, might I also mention my mother's birthday would have been 2 days ago, and the ex's was a few days before that. So, this is very very very complicated in my head. But still it's just an etiquette question, really. I'm thinking it would be most appropriate to send a "head's up" email, or perhaps just attach a note to the items saying the same thing. Then, leave them in the office. I'll let him know I'm around, so don't be startled if he catches a glimpse at a gallery opening. We have many ghost's... but I'm not one of them! This should unburden me. (It's been nice to type all these thoughts out.)
2007-01-29 17:34:34 · update #6
Call him. Explain that you have some personal items that might have sentimental value to him and ask if he'd like to have them back. I don't think it's creepy - He might think you are being thoughtful. Maybe he does want them back. If he doesn't, then you can dispose of them without feeling guilty.
2007-01-29 16:10:24 · answer #1 · answered by caffeinatedmom2 4 · 5⤊ 0⤋
If you happened to run into him, a short chat wouldn't be a big deal. But you have obviously spent way too much time thinking about him. You're a married woman. My advice is, attach a note to the things (no address or phone) and leave them at the school for him. Then get on with your life.
2007-01-29 16:56:45 · answer #2 · answered by Terri J 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would definitely call him and set up a time to return the items. You were engaged, after all. You must have cared for him and respected him, and that doesn't just die. Let him know that you are not seeking to rekindle the old flame, but just want to hear how he is doing and to ensure that these sentimental items get back to him safely.
2007-01-29 16:24:11 · answer #3 · answered by artemisaodc1 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If it's been 6 years, then don't bother. Obviously he's not been needing them. Why go back in and potentially upset him, you or your husband?? Sounds as if you may have other reasons for wanting to see him, but don't do it. If you are married, then throw the stuff away and move on. Get over your "dreams", they'll just cause more pain then good anyways.
2007-01-29 16:16:40 · answer #4 · answered by Mandy S 2 · 0⤊ 3⤋
I think he would probably like to have these things back. I would mail them with a note , and invite him out for coffee at his convenience.
2007-01-30 00:52:43 · answer #5 · answered by Angela C 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, seriously he gave them to you. He had the chance to ask for them back, but never did.
Ditch them in a op shop, garage sale etc.
Get the cad out of your hair.
What right has a man to talk to you about previous girl friends, did he tell you intimate details.
He only used you to get over her.
Good bye and good riddance to him, the cad.
2007-01-29 16:47:44 · answer #6 · answered by Ignatious 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I would just junk them. If he values them, he would have tried to retrieve them from you a long time ago.
2007-01-29 18:13:16 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋