My 5-year-old son is shy.?

Question

The teacher reported to me that my son needs better social skills. She said he is often a loner at school. What are some ways I can get him more involved and interested in making new friends?

Answer 1

First, I would ask that you review your own personality, as well as Dad's. If you feel that you are both shy, or tend to lean towrds shyness, there is little you can do to actually change your son's personality. With "genetically" shy kids, forcing them "out of their shells" often makes it worse. Having said that, there are things you can do to help him be more social in order that he makes and retains friends.
Use any opportunity to include a classmate on an outing. Keep it low key and simple without a lot fanfare - this will relieve the stress your child may feel about making sure his friend has a good time. At first, it will just be to get him more comfortable spending time with buddies, as opposed to really having true "playdates."
Offer to take a friend on errands so they can keep each other company in the car - bring window clings and candy. Have a buddy over to watch a movie and eat popcorn. These two ideas take the stress off of your son to "entertain" his friend. If he does fine with this, offer to watch a buddy for an hour or so to give another mom a break and let the kids choose among several activities you have already planned out. Have coffee at your table with a few moms.
Use your son's clues...does he do better one on one, or does he feel like that is too intense. Do three or four kids make him feel threatened or more relaxed - he may like feeling as though the weight is not "all on his shoulders" to entertain a pal if others are around.
In my own experience as a parent of a shy kids, I have found that the shy ones will warm up at their own pace and it is better to let it take its course. Try to find one or two kids he likes and work with developing those friendships, as opposed to having him "liked by all."
Take Care.

Answer 2

First of all, I believe the teacher needs some social skills. Your child is who he is. At school because she(the teacher) knows this should try ways of engaging your son through group activities that's not singling him out. As a parent, I would talk to my child (you know laid back relaxing conversation so that he opens up) about the teacher, his friends and school. Sometimes we read children the wrong ways. Maybe, there is something bothering him. Anyway, just take some time with your son. Have a fun day with him. Ask him what he would like to do on your special day. This will give him a chance to relax and share with you. The best to you and your son.

Answer 3

My child had the same thing happen when he was in kindergarten. But as the year went on, he got more comfortable and opened up more. Now he's in first grade and he's still not the most outgoing child, but he's closer to "normal."

One thing we have done to encourage him to speak out more is to get him to talk to non-threatening strangers. For example, when we go to McDonald's he orders his own happy meal. The McDonald's person isn't scary and he knows that if he asks, he gets the happy meal.

Another reason he didn't speak out much at school was because he was afraid he'd say/do something embarassing. He signs quite well, but he wouldn't sign to the Deaf kids because he was afraid he'd use the wrong sign. He wouldn't answer questions in class because he was afraid he had the wrong answer. The only thing we could really do about this was to help him reinforce his skills. We praised him when he got the answers right, and eventually he started answering questions. I found that spending time in the classroom helped a lot.

Answer 4

YOU need to model this behavior for him, you'll probably even be amazed at how ready and eager he will be at making new friends. So, what YOU need to do is to set up a "playdate". Have 2 or 3 kids from his class come over to your house for a playdate. (Set it up with the mom's ofcourse!) To get ready for this special day, bake some cookies in advance with your son, and tell him he will be able to share his gift of special cookies w/his new friends...this will make him feel he has something special to offer them, thus boosting his self-confidence, AND it's an excellent way to show off his sharing skills! When his fiends arrive, have him greet them by shaking their hand and welcoming them. Then observe and hang around to watch them play. If the friends start playing w/o your son, you simply ask them if he could join in and have them select what HIS toy will be. Then, he'll be a part of their magic! After awhile, your son can bring out his special cookies to share! When they are ready to leave, have him tell them thank-you for coming. All he needs is some model behavior, modeled by you! Try it! I GUARANTEE you'll have a NEW son!
(make sure to let ME know how the outcome is, too!)

Answer 5

You cannot force your child to be anything that he isn't. I was a shy loner type and to have put me in situations that were uncomfortable for me would have been a huge mistake. Let him be jut what he is and tell that teacher to back off. There is nothing wrong with his social skills.

Answer 6

prepare your child in advance for new activities and events. If he will be going to a birthday party next week, begin talking about it early and talk about who will be there, what the theme of the party will be, what activities he might do, etc. Dr. Paul also suggests that you might 'rehearse what will happen and what the child might be expected to say or do.'
try to stick to activities with very small groups of people or just one other child. An older child, adult or family member that the child is comfortable with can also help your child feel less anxious during the activity.
your shy child might also do better in noncompetitive activities, instead of group sports like soccer or baseball, although if he is interested, competitive sports might help him build self-esteem and friendships with teammates.
playdates with children that are younger than your child might be helpful. When setting up playdates or activities, you might try to plan them at your own home, so that your child doesn't have the added stress of being in a new environment.
If your child doesn't do well with younger children or children of his same age, you might see how he does around older children. Some kids, especially those who are advanced or gifted, do better around older children and adults.
gently encourage your child to try new things and activities. Although you don't want to force or push your child to do things that he will be uncomfortable with, you also usually don't want to overprotect him.
set up situations so that other kids will come over and play with or near your child. So if you are sitting at the park, bring a few extra toys so that other children might want to come over and play with them.
offer lots of positive attention and reinforcement when your child does try new things and encourage his strengths and interests.
watch your own reactions around new people and new situations, especially if you are shy.

Answer 7

Cure Social Anxiety Shyness - http://SocialAnxiety.uzaev.com/?ovgI

Answer 8

Try to set up some time to interact with other children. Does he have cousins close to his age? Do any of your friends? What about people at church or something? Is he shy or quiet at home? Maybe you could try interacting with him and trying to get him to kinda come out of his shell with you first. Good luck.

Answer 9

at social gatherings like family get togethers or parties get him to participate by games like go fish or matching pairs. walk up to other kids and ask whats your name? so he can observe your social skills. he can offer cookies to children guest or snack bags or be the greeter. manners come in handy too.

Answer 10

do things to get their self esteem up or have them be more confident at age 4 we had them going in to dolor stors to by a toy by themselves to show them thy don't nead to be afraid to do things at age 5 we had them going in to order French fries or something so thy would acutely have to talk this brings up there self confidence and he should be less shy

take him to the park and you talk to some of the other kids his age that way he sees its ok

don't push I'm to hard you nead his self confidence up so let him know hes a wonderful gr8 boy and no mater what hes loved