Siblings, son and boyfriend not there for me. Am I being too hard on them?

Question

I feel let down by many people around me.
I'm having outpatient surgery, which should be ok, but it's under gen'l anesthesia,so that adds complications.

My son is 18 and having growing pains. He started college, lives in the dorm, and is mad at me most of the time. He said he couldn't miss class to pick me up after. He didn't even mention being there during.

It would be nice to have someone hold my hand.
No friends or family here in town, most out of town.
My sister said it's a shame it wasn't on a day she was off, yet she works 2dys week and often swaps.

My boyfriend offered to come after work and pick me up when they discharge me,but has to drive back for a class he teaches. It would've been nice for him to be here now; the surgery is in the AM, but he went to his trivia club mtg.
He has a flexible work schedule,never offered to take the day off and cancel the night class.
I have dropped everything for each of them when in need [ they admit]
My neighbor is taking me.

Answer 1

Honestly, it sounds as if it could be one of two things. (1) you have surrounded yourself with people who don't make the extra effort to show that they care. Granted, family is included and you can't help who your family is.... or (2) it sounds as if you need to do some soul searching yourself. You said you would have dropped everything for each of them, but for some reason, they don't reciprocate. Is it something else that you're doing that makes you less of a priority in their lives? I'm not trying to be harsh with you, what you're experiencing sounds as if it's really hurtful (I've been there), but sometimes we can use these experiences to re-assess how we interact with others. Try harder to show you love and care and see what the result is. It may surprise you.

Answer 2

OK-the 18 year old-normal. Forgivable. The sister-not. The boyfriend-even less. From your comment (they admit) it appears you even discussed this with them. Let the neighbor go with you & get thru this. Then, pull back -put some time and space between you & sissy. Stop being so available to boyfriend-get out there and make some new friends fast. If they call you, chat. Just do not go out of your way to call either one. If you have to remind them you'd have helped them, it ain't worth it. Find people who care!

Answer 3

Your not being too hard on them, they all are ego-centric and you need to declare to them as soon as possible that your not going to stand for their abuse anymore. It hurts you to do this but unless you do, your going to get a lot unhappier. Lucky for you this is annonymous posting because even I wouldn't admit I was second fiddle to a trivia club. Oh, and the next time your adult son says something nasty or angry to you tell him he would have to abide by a restaining order too or go to jail which is where most angry people end up. Show them you have intelligence.

Answer 4

Have you directly ASKED them to be there for you? Or are you assuming they know? If you always manage things on your own, without help, they may think you're fine on your own. You have to communicate with people. If you do, or have, and they still blow you off, then you have some thinking to do, especially about your boyfriend.

And in the future, don't drop everything for them.

Answer 5

People who drop everything for others often expect the same back. Most people dont.
You make yourself too convenient for others. You spoil them rotten so thats how they behave. Quit being so convenient for others. They take you for granted because you allow it.

Answer 6

Well it's never too late to get to know these people whom you think are close to you. In future, don't give too much of yourself to them. As you can see now it's not worth it.