Should I believe in myself in this situation? I would like lots of opinions please.?

Question

My brother does and says things that I feel are disrepectful. When I ask him to stop, he will not. He seems to think that I am 'different' 'too senstive', or whatever... he doesn't think he needs to stop what bothers me. We are now in our 30's and I have kids. Now he is not respecting my kids or me when we feel we need to ask him to back off abit. It is bothering me more and more and so I emailed him. I told him 4 areas that I felt he crosses our bounderies. He emailed me back and said 'I will try to be a better person. I must really be hard to be with. I am so terrible. etc'. I emailed him back and told him that he is a good person, we just had crossed bounderies and I am so so glad that he heard me! He emailed back and said 'apparently you don't recongnize sarcasim.' I took that to mean he doesn't give a crap about my bounderies. I told him that until he can respect us, he is out of our lives.. that includes us not going to family gatherings...

I haven't heard from him since. I told my mom why we wouldnt' be coming and she tried guilting me into coming.. I don't expect to be believed ( my family rarely believes me or supports me in anything in life). I feel good about this. I feel relieved that after all these years, it is done. I feel peaceful about it. But everyone will think and does think that I am doing the wrong thing with my life again. I want to beleive in myself here... do you think I should in this situation?

Answer 1

You have already answered this..... PEACE !!! just live and let the other ppl work out their own problems..... the light will come on when you are not around for him to pick on, he will turn on others, and they will see what you are talking about.... if you have kids and a husband your priority is now to them, they are your family...... just stick to your decision here...... If your mom wants to see the kids she can come to YOUR house and go by your rules .........we only get 1 chance to raise our kids the right way !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! God bless

Answer 2

I have had the same situation happen to me. I'm only 22 but with three kids I've had to stand up against my family plenty of times. To my family I'm the stuck up snob and it seems about the same here. Having kids your first priority is them. Ask them how they feel when their uncle talks to them like that. If they are offend and old enough have your kids confront them. (that's the only way I got my parents to stop doing drugs.) It means more to your family coming from the kids they're just to irresistible. Also, if it isn't anything offending try ignoring it. I notice my brother bugs me just because he knows it gets a reaction. So pretending it doesn't bother you may make him stop. I agree with not seeing him if he keeps being rude. But don't punish the rest of the family doing so. What I did..I still went to family gatherings My head-fast rule was no smoking or cussing around my children. If someone broke the rule I would leave. No discussion just gone. Now when I come over no one says anything they just do it. Also, choose your boundaries....you can't expect your family to change over night. Make 2 or 3 steadfast rules and stand by them. Then over time keep adding more. It's taken me about 5 years and my family is just now starting to respect me like they should. Just stick to your grounds and don't change

Answer 3

I've answered this question before.....obviously you are looking for reassurance that you have made the right decision ....well sweetie, only you can decide that, it's up to you to stand up for yourself and your children.....

Since you've said you feel at peace about it, you have to be willing to face the truth that not everyone in your family (sounds like everyone else) is going to see your point of view and all you can do now is take a firm stand and just seriously focus on your own life and that of your kids........sorry there's not much more I can offer, I know it's not easy.....hope you will trust yourself enough to put your children first, you are responsible for them and who is around them, for the most part, as they grow into responsible, self supportive, life achieving adults...please don't let this family history continue on in their lives.......if you have a son and a daughter think how life would be for them in the future if you taught them your brother's behaviour is acceptable.....

your parents very well could be in denial, so just chalk it up to that and leave it now.....they may never own up to what you're saying, you can no longer rely on their opinion, just keep doing what is right for you....

Answer 4

Nobody deserves to be put down or harrassed by anyone. I think you did a strong thing by letting him know that you won't stand for it anymore especially when it comes to your kids. Stand by your decision and try to have gatherings at your house with the part of the family that is supportive. Don't bring it up or talk about it, because then it lookslike your trying to recruit people to your side. If anyone tries to talk about it, then just let them know kindly it's a problem between you and your brother and drop it. Don't ever bad mouth him, because that will only be stooping to his level. Keep in touch with the rest of your family. If your brother truly loves you then he will miss you and try to work things out. Be strong in your stand. If he says he will change and then shows no improvement then cut his off again. He needs to agree with these terms because he is the one that is doing wrong. Good luck.

Answer 5

circulate away now until eventually now you have young babies! i did no longer even ought to examine each and every thing you typed to make that determination! It won't get greater advantageous. this is his custom/upbringing. this isn't any longer his fault, this is only how that's. this is regrettably frequently happening in specific cultures. I do have self belief a spouse ought to grasp her husband yet no longer while he's A LOSER! My husband grew to become into from Mexico with cultural traditions. As he approached 40, he replaced dramatically. He suffered from melancholy and started performing in a manner your husband is. I filed for divorce and he attacked me. be careful via fact if he's attentive to you want to circulate away and feels a reliable experience of administration, for the reason that he's in his very own tender ecosystem, his residing house united states, then he could attempt to do something terrible for the reason that he additionally beverages lots. sturdy success.

Answer 6

Do what you think is right in your heart. Do your kids get embarrassed or hurt by him? If so, then you are doing the right thing. (Not to say that you aren't anyway.) What kinds of things does he say and do to disrespect you? Does he do this to anyone else in the family, or just you. It stinks that you have to be the one to stay away if he is the one hurting you. I really hope that if you do stay away, he will refocus his behavior to someone else in your family so that they can finally understand what you are going thru! You have YOUR family now, and if he doesnt want to be part of it, that is HIS problem, not yours! Good luck!

Answer 7

i know what you mean, are you the "little brother". its not you, who has the problem. you guys just have opposite personalities. somewhere in life , you gave him a foothold, and he has taken advantage of it ever since, what you did by taking action was right. My advice is this, dont suffer your family by not going to family functions, try to take charge of this situation, have respect for yourself, ALWAYS stand up for your kids in front of him loud and proud! make a scene if you have to. dont back down from him, he will eventually hear you.

Answer 8

Your children & how they are treated is what is most important. Do not worry if people think you are wrong. Just know that you are ridding yourself of a situation that you should have ended years ago, & that you are doing what's best for your kids.

Answer 9

You're brother obviously has issues. Ask him if there's anything that's wrong or bothering him. If he keeps this way, don't speak with him. He's being a jerk and disrespecting you left and right. You don't deserve the crap he gives you and you shouldn't have to listen to him.

Answer 10

Simply put, you have to make the choice of what you feel is best for you and your children. I feel that you made the correct decision based on your info. Good luck