What do you say to your grandmom living on the other side of the country a year after her husband dies?

Question

I know this is a little hard unless your in the specific scenario, but I don't even know where to begin even in an e-mail. I'm as close with her as I can be living on opposite sides of the country. When Im out in CA its easier to talk cause Im there, but when Im in front of a box, its a little different. The reason this is hard for me is because I only really get to talk to her when its a holiday or birthday, on the computer which is really rare, and when im out visiting her. She was married to him close to 60 years and i know she absolutely broken inside but still puts on a smiling front because she doesn't want to make anyone else upset. I kinda think she may need counseling, and I just try to dodge the subject or anything about him in general cause i dont know if it hurts or helps her more, but it needs to be brought up before something happens to her, she holds everything in, and shes pretty much out there alone. I feel so bad for her, any suggestions at all would help thanks

Answer 1

Contact her in any means you have available.

The mail
The computer
The phone

But if she's able to use the computer here's a good suggestion:
when our loved ones die, other people are afraid to bring up the deceased in fear it will inflict more pain. But that's the person your grandma misses and would like so much to talk about. 60 years brings with it alot of memories. And with a computer you can offer her the opportunity to talk about your grandpa. Ask her questions. About what life was like with him, what he liked to do, what they did on their vacations, etc. But you have to ask direct questions so sitting in front of the 'box' will work in your favor as you consider what to ask her. Writing to her even through the mail brings the same luxury -- you can an opportunity to think of questions to ask her.

She needs to know others want to remember the person who she loved. She needs to know that his memory will live on even after she herself is no longer with you.

Answer 2

You should find a time when you have at least 30 free, uninterrupted minutes and call her. Let her know that you love her and feel her pain, in spite of the distance between you. Tell her you are trying to plan a trip to visit with her - and do it. This will give her something very positive to look forward to. When you do get there, allow her plenty of time just to talk over coffee and ask questions about the things she loved about her husband. Once that is over, ask her about the things she would have changed about him. You will learn a lot about her - and yourself - in the process.

Answer 3

I would send her a card and let her know that you are thinking of her. I do that for a friend every year in the fall...the season when she lost her daughter and father.

Answer 4

Well I would say to her "Hi Grandma,I love you ! How are you doing? Now let her respond and and ask her to "please come visit you as you miss her"!