Christians please give me some advice.?

Question

My mother and I have been butting heads every since I was a child. She has done some pretty mean things to me such as kicking me out of the house when I was 8 yrs. old (she came back for me)and then again at 14 yrs. old (permanently). I am 25 yrs old and married now. She tries to control my life. She treats me as if im 12 yrs old and if I don't do as she says, she will degrade me. She says mean things like "I didn't have to bring you into this world..." (she wanted an abortion but my grandparents told her not to do it) Why would a parent tell their offspring something like that? Honestly, I don't like her and wish she would leave me alone. She is driving me nuts. I know in the Bible it say honor your mother and father, but how do you honor someone that treats you less than a human being? Please pray for me.

I do love her but not like a daughter loves a mother. I love my grandmother like a mother (she took me in after my mom kicked me out).

Answer 1

The Bible says we have to honor our parents. We do not, however, have to interact with them.

You can simply remove her from your life. If she calls or wants to visit, fine, but you don't have to. You can repsectfully let her know why (if she askes). Respect her, pray for her, honor her, and that is all.

Answer 2

First, there are 2 levels of honor, the kind that is commanded and the kind that is earned. We are commanded to honor our parents and those over us (Mt 23:1-4). Then there's the love that is earned. It's a deep, connected love that comes as a result of the 'other' person loving their role and honoring it. As a reward, we 'love' those people. Note: This is why we're commanded to be equally yoked. While you may dutifully honor, when unequally yoked, you don't do it deeply. Therefore, your soul is always in torment.

Continue with the commanded honor, and pray to take it deeper. Unfortunately, many Christians feel that they MUST have the 2nd level of honor to be right with God, but this isn't what Jesus taught, and as a result, they drive themselves crazy trying to accomplish a feat that was never commanded.

You'll be surprised at the peace that will come from surrendering trying to accomplish this feat. You're not guaranteed that it will come through a phenomenal relationship with your mother, but you are guaranteed that it will come.

God bless...

Answer 3

You are here to do whats right for you. If you are stable, you are on the right path. If you know the way you will get there. Notice the word you. I think that everything we go through makes us stronger. I see that you handled it well if I may say so being married. You have learned a lot and this has made you stronger than most who may lean upon their mothers. I don't know every detail but I think that many people would be crushed if they were put in your situation. So I think this makes you unique and a testament to those who may take advantage of situations. Unfortuanately I cant tell you what you should do, only you know that. So I say be grateful and love. That's all you can do. Peace be unto you.

Answer 4

Dear Precious,

I barely can compare my life with yours. My parents divorced when I was 10. My father was abusive and more than a few times we were referred to by the failed methods of control used to bring us into the world. ie I was foam baby.

I take it that God wanted me here for a reason. Maybe nothing Earth shaking, but I can certainly say I have made small marks in the world and I am glad to be useful to him.

Now, as to the honour thy parents. It means you respect them and you treat them well. When they give you advice you listen and gleam from it what you will.

But, that does not mean you allow your parents to rule your new home. You are married and should be joined to your husband. Since she kicked you out I would not be worried about her opinnion of you. You also have a duty to your children if and when you have them to protect them from her bad influence. Just do not ban her from seeing them. If you do your very best and love her she may come around and real healing can begin.

I am pretty good friends with my Dad now. It took a while to get over the pain and hate, but it can be done. He even comes over to my Mom's place when we are down. It is weird and redneck but it works for us. I have learned a lot of lessons from him. Some in the negative and surprising ones in the positive.

Last advice. Move 500 miles away from all relatives and learn to be a team. That happened to my wife and I and I think it made our marriage very strong.

Answer 5

Honestly, people put too much value on family ties. Your family can leave and forsake you just as much as anyone else can, yet we often feel obligated to make them a part of our lives. The genetic ties of blood and whatnot figure into that, but, as is the case with all things association with another is ultimately a choice we make.

That being said, association is not necessary for honoring ones parents. You can respect the fact that she is your mother, whether or not she wanted/wants to be or not. Although, considering the fact that you were thrown out at 14, I can only assume that another parental figure stepped in to care for you. You can honor this person (or these people) as your parent, break all ties with your biological mother and still be in accordance with God's Law. Parenthood is, in my opinion, decided by who took care of and raised you; made you who you are today, not who happened to donate genetic material to form you physical body.

Answer 6

You may want to pray about this advise, since your Mother treats you bad, you can tell her (Dr.Phil advise) that she cannot see you (and if she does insist, you get a restraining order) until she treats you civially. You honor her by knowing that she brought you into this world to do the will of God, but since you are God's creation, you can't just allow her to walk all over you or treat you like that. Sp think and pray about it. Hurting people, hurt people. My Father never got saved, I still pray that he will though. We have a civil relationship, thank goodness. Its easier to do this when I live on the otherside of the country.

Answer 7

Hate can never be eliminated by hating back. Anger can never be eliminated by anger. Fire can never be put off by another fire. But, hate can be ended by love. Anger can be ended by kindness. Fire can be ended by water.

"Show" your love to her, don't just keep it in your heart. Give her small but sensitive things / presents (some thing she likes to eat, wear etc) regularly and on her special days and show your love, kindness and care. This will prompt her to think again about you. Talk to her openly and very patiently and let her open her heart and flush out the poison in there. Can't you see she is needing some thing from you. Look beyond her words. Find the root cause for her anger towards you and eliminate that cause. Then the problem will automatically be solved for ever.

After all she is your mother and the one who gave life to you. Now she needs your help just like you needed hers when you were an infant and helpless. Start a new life by forgiving all her faults. Do it honestly and in good faith. She will take time (may be years) to react, but be patient and keep doing. Good you do will bring back you good, and bad she does will bring back her bad.

Always remember she is "your" Mother.

Answer 8

First question? are you saved? have you received the fire of the Holy Ghost?

we are to honor our parents as we are to honor our spouses. but don't think that means allowing yourself to become a door mat or whipping post.

you can be strong all the while being respectful. you need to know who you are in Christ first. by your mothers fruit it would seem that she has had a rough go of it herself. pray for her she is hurting!!!! she needs someone who is willing to stand in the gap while she is behaving hatefully. if you will forgive her and pray on her behalf wit out giving up or doubting your mother will come around. remember that the Jesus reconciled all men. your mother just doesnt realize shehas an advocate. dom't even tell your mom your praying for her just do it & when the time is right then reveal to her you have been interceeding for her.

I know first hand how hard it is to forgive one so close toyou and one who behaves so recklessly & abusive. but I can also tell you that the Grace of God is more than sufficient. and when your mother & relationship healed & restored you will count it all joy!

keep your focus on Jesus and what He did for you, how much you need forgiveness & mercy. then it is very is to give mercy to those around you when you have a humble & thankful spirit.

be warned the road is a hard one, but the reward is sweet & noble. you can be the redeemer for your mother.

my prayers are for you and the aweful hurt you feel, I know that as you ae huble and forgiving you will be given Grace. the hurts will lift and in their place stength and compasion will reside. bless you, God keep you and empower you!

Answer 9

"honoring" means being polite and respectful, which is your responsibility.
that does not mean that you have to put up with all the mean, nasty foolishness your mother seems addicted to.
I know of what you speak.
I have been there, done that.
in my case, it came to the point that the only solution was to break off contact altogether.
that was 30 years ago.
I cannot recommend that .
you must decide for yourself.
but stop taking the crap!

Answer 10

You have to be a bigger person than her. Note the Bible does not say love your parents but to honor them. You can certainly do that from a distance which may be necessary for your own mental health. Good luck.