mom's with kids ..please answer ..?

Question

this is very hard for me to say and ask .. but it's killing me ..
i've been with my high school sweetheart for 10yrs. we now have 3 kids. & 1 on the way .. b4 the kids both me and my husband cheated on eachother, my daughter who's 9 asked me if me or my hubby have ever cheated on eachother b4 .. i froze.. we always tell our children to be honest no matter what .. but i feel like i want to lie and tell her no, never hun. becuz i don't know how this will affect her.. anybody been in the same situation? should i be honest or just ignore the question?

Answer 1

There are something that are ok to lie about.

That is one of them.

Good Luck
Shannon
http://www.iammakingprofits.com/pips.html

Answer 2

At the age of 10, even if she is mature, she isn't mature enough to understand the problems that can happen in adult relationships. Just half answer it so it isn't a lie. For instance, "Your father and I have always put you kids before anything, and wouldn't cheat on each other because it might hurt you." By saying this, it will ease her worries, and you aren't technically lying, because since you had kids to be concerned about, you didn't cheat. I have used this tactic on my younger kids, at 5 they don't need to know "where" a baby comes from, I told them the doctor will get it out of my belly. You can stretch the truth without lying. I would be partially honest, in other words. She can find that out later, if it ever comes up again. Most likely, once she gets any answer, she will move on to the next uncomfortable question. Kids are good for that. Good luck.

Answer 3

I'm sorry but this is just so not the appropriate conversation to be having with a 9 year old. It seems to me that is an odd question for a child of that age to be asking. I think you should tell her that it is not appropriate conversation and you can discuss it when she is older and understands those type of things better. I mean, how does she even understand? I mean, is she well versed on the topic of sex? Does she understand the dynamics of relationships that much? At 9? Weird.

Even if she were older I'm not sure I'd tell her. Whatever happened between you and your husband is between you and your husband and no one else's business, not even your daughter's.

Answer 4

DO NOT TELL HER!!!! DO NOT LIE!

I'm not saying to lie - but there is NOTHING wrong with an adult telling a child that somethings just aren't appropriate to disucss, and she is too young. Tell her you understand her wanting to know, but all she needs to know is that you have a strong marriage and everything is good. And ask her why she wants to know... she may be going through something with a friend, etc. or she may have seen on TV. Try to relieve any underlying fears.

9 is far too young to process the information fully and correctly. She may think she wants to know - but the information will be of no benefit to her, and may even harm her percpetion of you. When she is older and can understand the complexitity of relationships, forgiveness, love... that would be the time to divulge anything that you think she could learn from - but disclosure for disclosure's sake is often unfair to the person hearing the information. Knowing does not make her life any better.

This is where setting boundaries begins. You are the adult, and you have a responsiblity to not treat your daughter as though she were one too.

Answer 5

This is something that a child does not need to know. Tell her a lie or ignore the question. This is something that she will never find out on her own and it will cause her to loose respect for both you and her father. There is no need to take a child innocence like that.

Tell her "Daddy and I have always been truthful with each other and have always know that we were meant to be together since we fell in love. We would never do anything to damage our relationship." It is mostly the truth and she will not have her bubble burst.

Answer 6

You don't have to lie to your child, but you need to stop the conversation by saying something like "That is an inappropriate question" or "We'll talk about it when you're 18". Too many parents these days want to be friends with their kids instead of parents. Chose conversations with your children that are appropriate for their age.

Answer 7

I can honestly say that I do not have experience with this. And I don't know what I would do faced with this situation. However, thinking about the child, and the child only, it seems to me that I would have to lie to her. She is far to young to be asking a question such as that. And if she knew the truth, imagine how much resentment she would have against you and your spouse, (her father). It would lead her to have many issues of mistrust, anxiety, and a sense of false pretenses. She sees your marriage as a beautiful union, why change that?
Good Luck

Answer 8

In my opinion, it would serves no good purpose to be completely honest with your children about EVERYTHING. It serves no good purpose to have them know.

It'snone of your children's business what goes on in your personal, private relationship with your spouse. It should not be a subject that's open for discussion - so you don't need to lie. You just say that it's an inappropriate question and not open for discussion.

Good luck.

Answer 9

I have not been in the situation but I think that you should tell her. Just because you cheated on each other doesn't mean that you don't currently love each other or her. Let her know that. Also, let her know that you are telling her because you want to practice what you preach and you want her to know how important it is to be honest no matter what the situation.

Answer 10

You do not have to lie but you do not have to tell the whole truth. Just tell her that is getting a little too personal. If you tell her the truth, she may always wonder if your husband is her real father. Could be a little tramatic or cause her a lot of worry and wonder.

Answer 11

It is OK to tell your kids that you do not want to discuss you and your husband's personal relationship. She is a little young to handle that. I could understand telling when she is more like 22. But you are not obligated to ever tell your kids things about your personal life with their father. I do not encourage lying either.