What do I do w/ my 11 year old? Very emotional, tries to run away any little prob. Very good homelife, spoild?

Question

Almost perfect child, gets all A's, gifted classes,involved in sports, student council, I am a room mom, team mom, I stay at home, new home, middle maybe even upper class, we eat every dinner together as a family, movie nights,2 loving parents. Any little problem arises, totally exaggerates it, cries, tries to run away. What does this solve? where does she think she is going? What am I doing wrong?What should I do?

she is not pressured to do any of the after school activities. she is well rounded, school, sports, education activities. I think a little hormonal, I am expecting her to get her menstrual cycle soon. But I do think maybe not enough time w/ friends. I am overprotective i know that. I dont let her do things on her own. I think she is too young, its a scary world out there. I trust her, not others. Good friends too though. so where do I start? what should i let her do on her own or with others?

Answer 1

I am 13 and honestly I can relate. I am the exact same way. If she has any siblings then maybe you aren't giving her enough attention. And it sounds to me like yall do a lot of avtivities together. Give her some space. Let her go to the movies with her friends and one of their parents, or just let her do something by herself. Go shopping and let her go wherever she wants and meet you somewhere at a certain time. Alone time is all we crazy kids ask for.

Answer 2

OMG, you've just hopped on to the Puberty Roller Coaster!!! It was just beginning with my daughter too, at age 11 or so. I'm sitting here thinking of what I can say to encourage you.....

Well, this is somewhat normal. The drama, I mean. Let her get it all out, but don't overindulge her with sympathy or anything like that. Just listen. Maybe encourage her to write in a journal. Does she say anything about people expecting her to be perfect? Mine does, except she obsesses over that thought when under stress or if any problem arises. But that is totally her perception, because no one expects her to be perfect. Quite the opposite by now (she's 17). We know she has limits and we don't push her to make A's because she has always struggled in school. Keep the lines of communication open. It sounds like she is overly involved in activities . . . . and even though she might enjoy them all, at times it can make a child feel pressure to overachieve. Maybe you should set some limits for her. Plus, since you are very involved, maybe she is getting to the age where she needs a little space . . . . . "team mom" and "room mom" sounds like you are around her 24/7. Maybe it's time to give these activities up and see what happens. When she says she wants to run away, ask her what exactly she wants to run away from . . . . and maybe what she tells you will give you some clues.

Maybe it's best if you start keeping a journal . . . . or a calendar you can write on to keep a written record of her particular moods and when they occur. It could be certain foods that trigger the moods or maybe you will be able to detect if it is certain times of the month (as if she is already in a cycle of sorts). This will be helpful if you ever decide to take her to a doctor. However, don't be too quick to jump on the medication wagon. You'll get much advice about "oh, she needs medication . . . . oh, she is bi-polar . . . . oh, she is depressed". Well, it could be. But she is only 11 for now, so hang in there and make lots of notes.

You know your own daughter. Don't let people tell you she is spoiled. As long as you have been firm with her in discipline and limits, then I don't think spoiling is the issue. Some people think that about my daughter, but it just is not so. She was a model child up to the age of puberty. I can tell she has no control over these crazy moods and emotions. Right now, I'm treating her with vitamin supplements, which is turning out better than the anti-depressants she was once on.

I wish you the best. She has a great mom!

P.S. - (read your add'l notes) Is there a self-defense class she could take to make her more safety-alert? Or even a safety video would help. That way you would feel like she is more prepared to do some things on her own. Tell her to invite 2 friends to the Saturday matinée and let them go in on their own while you watch another movie in the theatre. Drop them off at the roller skating rink while you run a few errands. Give her a cell phone to use if she encounters problems. Let her stay at a friend's house over night as long as you know the parents. Let her go on church group activities. If you don't have a church, consider visiting one that has a large youth or children's group.

Answer 3

First off, keep the communication going and if she will not talk to you, then make sure she has someone she and you trust that she can talk openly with. Second, is she starting into puberty? That is a really big change in a childs life and many things are hard to figure out on their own.
My son is very dramatic, he is about the some age. If he is told to do something he doesn't want to do, he gets emotional as well. We have figured out that we must follow through with getting him to do what we have asked and to not fall for the act. To repeat the task to which we have ask to be done and to not get involved in a match with the child.

Answer 4

You aren't doing anything wrong! 11 is a very emotional and trying time for kids, especially for girls. Girls have to be in with the latest fashions, or else feel like an outcast. There is also the probability of hormones. Anyway, there are the possibilities, hope they help!

Answer 5

You might benefit from family counseling.
I ran away a lot when I was a kid, but I was running away from drunk and very abusive parents. She may have Oppositional Disorder, which fair numbers of children have. It would be interesting to test her ability to have empathy for people. If she has very little, or if she admits to torturing animals, smoking, or acting out sexually, she may have a more serious problem, and in that case you'll need all the help you can get.
Even very good parents sometimes have children who are disturbed (schizophrenia, bi-polar disorder, autism, etc.). It sounds as if you are trying to be a very good parent. I wish you bright blessings.

Answer 6

Too much pressure.
You're not letting her breath.
In this perfect environment you are describing she thinks she is expected to be perfect.
Every moment of her life is organised.
Let her be!
My parents are overprotective and i swore i will never be like that to my son who is 13 now and is a happy child.
Being overprotective suffocates your daughter, my parents being overprotective drove me away from home at the age of 19. Is it what you want for your daughter?
Not trusting your daugther diminishes her completely, which is extremely annoying if not unbearable.
Cut her a slack!

Answer 7

Perhaps you should discuss this with a family counselor before it gets to big for you to handle. You may find that it is nothing you are doing that is causing this behavior. She could have some mental or hormonal issues.

Answer 8

Maybe you're hovering over her too much. Maybe she feels like you're controlling her life. Maybe you're pushing her too hard! And last but not least, maybe you need to ask her if she want to do all the things you pushing her into.

Answer 9

A.D.D. is a big problem in todays world, but hyper-focusing can really get some people. i had a huge problem w/ hyperfocusing and i threw tantrums almost every night and was just not happy. go to your doctor or psychiatrist and ask about it. you never know.

Answer 10

your putting to much pressure on her. you shouldnt judge her as being "perfect" just from her achievements. does she have any time to be a "normal kid"? maybe she's spending a little too much time with her family. it sounds to me like you're sheltering her