OK-for serious please tell me how to deal with........?

Question

a person in my life that constantly is threatening to commit suicide? They have tried before by shooting themselves--so I know that are capable of it--but daily I have to deal with "i wish I was dead" "i am just gonna end it" "I wish I would fall dead right now" I am a very warm and caring person -but GOOD LORD its driving me insane-I can't deal with the constant drama of it anymore and its a member of my close family so I can't just cut the ties or whatever--somebody--anybody--heeeeeeelp.

Answer 1

This person needs help.You said they have tried before by shooting themselves. Well its up to you to do something now.You say this is a close member of your family.You all have got to get together and have this person comitted. I know it sounds harsh, but my God, its better waking up in the morning and finding him on the floor with a bullet in his head. My people had to do it to me because I was talking suicide like he was and to this day I thank them for it. Sure I was angry at first, I hated them all. But after I got the help I needed I still thank them to this day because if it wasnt for my family I would be dead today. Think about, talk to the family. You all will see this is the only way. Call the hospital, talk to someone there, they will direct you on what you should do. You all will be in my prayers.

Answer 2

I have heard from mental health professionals that people that say they are going to end their life to other people are just all talk. They claim that if they are really going to do it, they would do it instead of telling other people that they are, if that makes any sense how ive worded it. I dont know where you are from, but where Im from, you can call cops, and they will actually come out, and if they think your a threat to yourself, then they will actually take you to the mental ward of a hospital and I think they make you stay there either 24 or 48 hrs. Have you ever asked why they want to end it?You mention you cant deal with the constant drama, maybe thats all this is, I mean,( i know you said theyve attempted before) maybe they just need some attention, to have the spotlight on them for once. Im not sure cause I dont know all of the details. Your right though, you cant just say what the heck to a family member. Without more details, Im not really sure what to tell you.

Answer 3

That's a hell of allot of pressure and stress to cope with. You should try to arrange for an intervention and help with a mental health specialist,for the "person"and you self . God bless you for caring so much,but this has to stop,who will see after you or your family when you can no longer function ? Is there anyone else, family or friend that you can confide in to help YOU out ? The sad part is , you can't help people,if they don't want any,but give this one more try. If this gets worse call 911,only then will this person get some help,most states can use a 72 hour "hold" to evaluate this person. Take care. SW RNP

Answer 4

I have been in your situation.

Has this family member gotten any medical/mental help?
They need to be in some sort of counseling & perhaps medicated.

This person needs to be taken seriously. They have learned that they can make these threats and just frustrate others.

It is time for a plan. The person needs to be taken to local mental health facility when they threaten suicide.

You don't say if you are an adult or a kid. Someone needs to take charge and see that this person gets some help.

Dial 911 if you need to.

You can't be heald responsible for this person. That is way too much to deal with. Some times you need to step back from a situation. Let go and let God take care of it. There is a point where you need to take care of you.

Do you get in to a conversation with this person when they talk like that? Do you try to convince them to not do it? This person might be taking advantage of your kindness.
Do some reading about passive-agressive behavior. This person is using your good nature to vent their emotions on to.

You might have to respond by saying...ok, if you are going to kill yourself, get in the car and we are going to the ER (or to mental health facilty) Then fallow through. This person is crying out for help. Then get them in the car of call 911.

Answer 5

You should arrange with your other family members for that person to see a psychiatrist, or, in a very extreme case to be hospitalized before he can do injury to himself (you did not specify gender, but I assumed it is a male, as most women with suicidal tendencies generally don't use a gun to end their lives). If you must go behind this person's back to arrange this, do so.

Exactly how you will get them to see a doctor is beyond my ken. All I can suggest is that you try to convince him : show that you care. This may sound harsh, but if this person truly wanted to commit suicide, what is stopping him? Why the delay? This family member of yours, he wants to see that you care. He is afraid, as all people are of death. He is miserable, but is not completely ready to end his life. He is at the edge, but he can still turn back. Showing your justified vexation may be interpreted on this person's part as a lack of concern whether he lives or not, and that may be what pushes him over the edge.

Would it not be better for him to be hospitalized, and to gain his life back, than to throw away his future and his life? He may hate you for stepping in like that, but that is temporary. If he holds a permanent grudge, that is his prerogative. You at least will know you did the right thing in stepping in before it is too late.

Here is a summary of what I recommend: discuss this matter with other family members. Look into a good psychiatrist or even a hospital where he will be treated well and helped to recover from whatever issues are dragging down his life. Present the case to your family member in a patient, caring manner, but avoid a patronizing tone at all costs. Don't spring it on him at the dinner table, but bring it out gently, stating that you are very concerned about him, and that you care deeply about him. You would be heartbroken if anything was to happen to him that you could prevent. You don't want to see him suffer like he is currently, nor do you want to see him do anything to hurt himself. His death would be a great tragedy to you, not just because you would feel guilty (he may believe that is only why you would care), but because you would miss him terribly.

Of course, you can state it better than I can. Use your own words; don't quote what I have written here verbatim. I pray that your family member may be soon relieved of whatever issues torment him. But above all else, show that you care. People are pretty much all the same; we all want to be appreciated and loved by someone.

Answer 6

I know the feeling. I have delt with a lot of people who have constantly hinted at suicide, and have made a few attempts before as well. And as you said....it can really wear you out.....ESPECIALLY if you really are a caring person.

In each case, it took a LONG time for me to make up my mind as to whether they were truly likely to go through with it or not.

One thing that calmed me was knowing that they were getting therapy......which I sincerly hope this person is. Then you have some assurance that they are actually working on this problem (and that you have some back up) rather than just letting it eat at them.

Another "boundry" I set was that I would not let people talk to me unless they had **assured** me that they had the phone number of a crisis line close at hand. If they were not willing to do that much for themselves.....I pretty much was not going to "be there" for them and feel like I was going to be their only support.

But even if they were willing to do both of those things......you are right : it gets tiresome hearing them go on and on about it.

One thing to remember is that it's one thing to just ***** and moan....and another to actaully talk about the specific things that are upsetting you. If you can get the person to be specific about what they see as their problems......well at least that gives you something solid to work with....if you follow me ?? Some kind of path to follow, rather than simply listening to how bad they probably really do feel.

So that's what I would do : Ask about the specifics of what is making them feel so poorly.

Then you both have something of substance to talk about.

Bob J.

Answer 7

If a person threatens suicide, call the police. Let him spend 72 hours in a psychiatric hospital. Stop allowing yourself to be manipulated. You're not qualified to deal with a suicidal person. You can cut whatever ties you choose to cut, when you really get tired of being used.

Answer 8

Tell an adult about the person. If anyone ever tells you they are thinking about killing themselves go tell an adult immeadiately and if you are an adult tell the parents because you dont want to live with the guilt knowing someone close to you is dead and you could have stopped it. If its a close person in your family get them some damn help then, dont let them bring the rest of your family down.

Answer 9

Well, those thoughts and threats have become a nasty habit. You need to get yourself some counseling so you can determine how you can get this person some help. They need intense therapy and meds at this point. God bless and good luck.

Answer 10

I understand completely what u're goin thru, i've got a close familiy member who does the same. i think the best way to go is councelling, these people need alot of attention, try being more patient with them, i know its hard but you got no other alternatives