My bf & I are discussing our future plans and he would like to wait for another 6 years before we start a family due to his career (enlisting & training with the air force). I am 30 and he's 29. I already have 2 children from a previous relationship so it wouldn't bother me if I didn't have more children - but he would like a family of his own.
I have tried telling him that not only do the "risks" increase after the age of 35 but I also have other mitigating factors that may hinder my chances of pregnancy especially at that age. In my early 20's I had laser surgery & I had a cone biopsy done to remove precancerous cells from my cervix. I also have only one functioning tube left as one of my tubes was removed after an ectopic pregnancy ruptured. I am trying to convince him that if we wait until HE's ready to start a family, that we may not have very good odds in our favour.
Any help or wise words from women would be greatly appreciated.
2007-01-29 12:23:34 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
We are DISCUSSING our future - marriage, children, careers - all the topics that should be talked about before entering into marriage. Children will not come before marriage but marriage nor children will come if we cannot agree on this.
2007-01-29 12:32:38 · update #1
Absolutely nothing wrong with adoption but unfortunately the waiting list (in Canada) is about 8-10 years and couples who are 35+ usually aren't high on the list as by the time we might be able to adopt would be 45 yrs old - not an optimal age.
2007-01-29 12:40:44 · update #2
I've had a high risk pregnancy and understand your concern. Why wait 6 years? Do you have a wedding date set? Be married at least one year so that you can really have some time for yourselves before adding anymore children in the mix. It is understandable that he will want to have his own children. I don't understand the whole 6 year idea. I understand the training but will it be a financial burden that you can't handle if you get pregnant sooner? I would suggest you try after your first year of marriage. You've had some difficulities and I think that you need to tell him that you have concerns about carrying a baby to full term. This is a huge issue that you have to both be in agreement BEFORE you get married. I would greatly suggest that you speak to your doctor as well and see what his take on it is for your own health. Remember after 35, it's a good chance of twins!!!!
2007-01-29 12:33:36 · answer #1 · answered by ireallydoknowitall 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are right to be concerned. Your bf should be sympathetic to your issues which are very valid. Now to play devil's advocate here. What are his reasons for waiting. If he just enlisted in the Air Force (and thank you for his service)then I can understand that he is skeptical as the first few years in the military are hard. the pay is not that great and his choices for assignments are not optimal. So if you couple those thoughts with the fact that you have two children now, I can begin to see where he might be going with this. Perhaps he wants to wait until you all are both settled better so you will be able to provide for your family. Also, waiting could not really be an issue in the future as well. There are medical advances being made in this area and in a few years youo could be able to have a child and it not be as risky as it is today. I would suggest you both go to your doctor and listen to what they have to nsay and see what advice they can offer. Perhaps there is a way for you both to achieve what you want once you are both in the same room and all of the facts are laid out by a third party.
2007-01-29 12:31:14 · answer #2 · answered by Johnathan L 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was in the same boat as you " will in a way " in Nov. 05 I had had a reversal because I have 2 healthy kids by another relationship and my husband has none. I was 29 when I had it done turned 30 in Nov. Although when I went to get this reversal done they told me that I might have a hard time getting preg, from the one tube because it was cut so short in the first place. Although there are other risks in getting preg. at even that age the doctor told me when I turn 30 it might even be harder to get that way rather than when I was was younger. " almost 9 years ago!" I would suggest IF your hubby REALLY wants a family he would start it now because not only your health is in risk at that time then it will be your babies as well. I was told. So after this pregnancy MAYBE 2 more years down the road I will be on my last baby FOR GOOD! I am now 35 weeks! BEST WISHES
2016-03-29 08:58:27 · answer #3 · answered by Regenna 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry about all that has happened to you. I understand both points of view in the matter. He wants a family and you don't want to run risk of a high risk pregnancy. Maybe you both should discuss this with your OB and see what she has to say. You might still be able to have kids...especially if you're still having periods, right? But just see what the doc says and if you have a good chance five years in the future...then proceed...or ask your bf to reconsider the time frame. I hope all goes well.
2007-01-29 12:30:19 · answer #4 · answered by Emerald 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i kinda understand the timing thing on your end but u have to look at it this way to have a child is something serious and maybe he want to wait until he can be a good dad and be there for u during the pregnancy but i think its something u should talk to him about to come to a agreement i think that u should see if he wants to marry u also but just how u explained it to use explain it to him but be understanding of his decision because it takes 2 good luck
2007-01-29 12:31:22 · answer #5 · answered by lil lady 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's YOUR body not his, he does not own you! Tell him that you will NOT wait because YOUR health is on the line here and the baby's as well. Tell him if he wants a family (and if you approve) to start now because it's to risky to wait, never let a man take over you like that.
2007-01-29 12:28:26 · answer #6 · answered by Yahoo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your doctor. The odds appear to be against you but that does not make that task impossible. With your doctors advice you could better evaluate the problem. Remember to think of YOUR needs first.
2007-01-29 12:31:01 · answer #7 · answered by grtoo9 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you aren't ready to get married, then you aren't ready to have kids with the guy. Worry about getting married and establishing a life long partnership with your boyfriend, and then start worrying about when you will be blessed with children.
2007-01-29 12:26:55 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tell him don't be afraid, once the baby is here, he will find he is in a different world, and a better world.
This is true, any father can testify for that.
2007-01-29 12:28:58 · answer #9 · answered by Bill H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All you can do is tell him the facts.
If he can not except them then he might never have a family
2007-01-29 12:28:48 · answer #10 · answered by zen522 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋