Should I let him know about whats going on with the baby?

Question

My b/f of a year and I broke up about 2 months ago. It was a bitter breakup and we havent talked but just a few times since. We end up fighting when we talk. However, I am 6 months pregnant with his son. I dont know whether to keep him informed with whats going on with the pregnancy and the baby (like what the doctors are saying, how much hes kicking and some of the funny things that i have experienced already). I feel like hes missing out on alot of irreplaceable moments, but at the same time, i wonder if he would even want to know since he has oppurtunity to call or text me anytime to find out. Is he just being stubborn as usual and do you think he would really wanna know, or should i just leave it alone and see if he contacts me eventually. Or since hasnt tried to contact me, does he care about this baby at all? Need a lil advice on this.
btw, for those who want to judge me for being a single soon to be mom, it was my choice. I was married and so was he, we chose not to

I was a bit misunderstood when it comes to the married part. SO......
We were both married but are now both divorced and decided that we didnt want to marry again for quite some time. The pregnancy was unplanned but only because I was told for 20 years that I could not have children. I was married and tried for 8 years with no success. So, doctors informed me I would never conceive. They were wrong. My bf and I were shocked, but were ok with the baby bit. We were excited about it actually, bc neither of us had children.
Hope this clarifies some things.....lol

I have been divorced for 5 years and him for about 8 years.

Answer 1

I don't want to be insensitive, but the reality is that most people aren't all that interested in how often the baby kicked. That's something the expectant mother cares about, but nobody else usually cares. If the mother is married to the father of the baby, though, the two of them are excited about bringing a wanted baby into the world; and then the father may care.

It appears to me that you are wishing for involvement of the ex-boyfriend. Maybe you are thinking that your baby deserves a father who is excited about his impending arrival or maybe you wish you had the only other person who may care about the kicks to share this with you.

If he hasn't called I think you ought to just go with that. Chances are he'll show up once the baby is born, but even then I don't think you should get your hopes up about any involvement. It isn't your job to worry about what he misses. Its his job to decide if he cares about missing something or not.

I don't think you can assume that he won't care about the baby once its born. Its just that right now it isn't born, and how much caring can someone who is angry at you be expected to do about what you've experienced each day.

Answer 2

I am giving you the advice that a lot of the other people are giving...keep a journal. After you have the baby, you will be able to look back and remember all the cute and amazing things that happened in the pregnancy. Also, it will be good to hand down to the baby after he/she is born and gets older. After you have the baby, I would make a copy of it just in case you and the baby's father gets back together. He can read what you were going through and the changes that were happening during the pregnancy.

I would keep him informed of what the doctor says about the baby and offer for him to go to the ultrasounds/sonograms. Just please don't think he doesn't care because he is calling often. Men are different than we are on pregnancies. At times it seems like they don't care, but he will most likely seem to care more after the baby is born. Reality hasn't hit him yet that he is going to be a father. It will hit him when the baby is born. Also, this is more advice...take pictures of your belly as you grow. That is what I did while I was pregnant and now looking back, I am so glad I did.

I wish you the best of luck with everything. I hope you have a happy and healthy pregnancy and a safe delivery. Just remember to keep your head up. You are going to be a wonderful mommy. Take care, honey!

Answer 3

I wouldn't say he doesn't care about the baby, but if he was all that concerned he would make an effort to call and/or text when he sees that you're not. I think the only time you should make the effort is if something was wrong with the baby or you're in labor. That way he can't use the excuse that you didn't tell him. Good Luck!

P.S.
Some children are better off with only one parent. I don't know the whole situation, but from the little you've told us, your child seems like he might be one of those kids. So do what you do and f*ck the haters!

Answer 4

Sounds like your B/F is interested in neither you nor the baby right now. Was this a planned pregnancy? Maybe that will change at some point, but I would leave him alone for now. What you DO need to do is to make the necessary arrangements for child support after the baby is due. This includes making sure your B/F's name is on the birth certificate after the baby is born and then going to Family Court to get both a Custody and a Child Support Order. Good Luck.

Answer 5

I'm a single mom and I've been where you're at. Call him up one day when you have time to talk. Ask him can you talk to him for a minute and ask him what's going on with him. Ask him does he want to be there for the baby. Tell him what's going on with the baby. You're right, he's missing out on a lot of things right now. If you want him to be there for the baby, let him know. That doesn't mean you two have to be together or that you have to be fighting. Even if he says that he does want to be there and he doesn't call, call him still and let him know what's going on with the baby. But if things can't be civil, don't even bother calling him and stressing yourself and the baby out. There's nothing wrong with being a single mom. You can find male role models for your child throughout his life. A dad can be a better role model but if he doesn't want to be there, who cares? It's his loss and not yours or your son's. My ex did that and I still had let him know what was going on. He can never tell our child that I didn't let him be around or I didn't tell him what was going on. You're giving him the chance to be there. If he doesn't, too bad. Good luck.

Answer 6

You should keep him informed of the important things like what the doctors say about the baby. Since you are not with him anymore, you probably don't need to tell him about every little kick the baby makes. And definitely inform him of the birth!

Answer 7

I would give him some of the info that you would like him to know just to check out his reaction. If he acts genuinely interested and asks for more information , you know he cares. Most likely, he does care, but has a hard time showing it. This may help both of you get over the bitterness. Good Luck!!

Answer 8

I say try and let him in on whats going on with the pregnancy I mean he is both yours.if he tries not to be apart or of the whole thing then I would say forget it but if you at least make the first move you will end up being the better person for atleast trying.

Answer 9

If he's still married I'd just leave him alone for time being. He's probably working on putting his marriage back together, if that's even possible.

Sounds like he has a lot going on (as you do too).

If it were me I'd keep a diary. If at some point he becomes interested I'd let him read it for himself. Otherwise, his arrogance is causing him to miss out on something wonderful. And, that is not your fault.

Answer 10

That all depends on the quality of your relationship. Arguments are just as damaging for a child (and mother) as having a missing father. Make a qualitative assessment of your relationship. Is he serious enough? Is he mature enough? If he doesn't fit the bill, then he either needs to get some therapy or stay away.