My 7 yr old son has recently become very violent. He is choking kids at school when he gets mad. Help.?

Question

My little brother was staying with me over christmas and is very hyperactive and plays rough with him. He is no longer here but ever since then he has been hitting, kicking, biting, and choking kids at school. When he gets mad he seems to think it is ok to hurt someone. I have done everything I know to do. Punished him for bad behavoir, taken all privalages away from him, Talking to him does no good. What do I do?

Answer 1

Do you think your little brother hurt or abused your son in some way?

I ask because while observing your brother's rough behavior might have influenced your son to be more aggressive, it wouldn't have changed his values.

If he was a good boy before the visit, he wouldn't become a bad boy after the visit. Unless something very bad happened to him to produce this rage. Or, unless the visit just coincidentally happened at the same time that your son developed an problem, like bipolar illness emerging.

In other words, if the change is truly sudden, there's something seriously wrong because 7 year olds don't suddenly forget everything they've been taught about right or wrong. THat is, they might start hitting, but they wouldn't think it is okay to hurt someone if they're angry, if at Thanksgiving they knew it was wrong to hurt people in anger.

Or, the change isn't as sudden as you think.

Hitting him will teach him nothing - obviously it's beyond absurd to spank someone because you want them to stop hitting. If your son is acting like this at school, are they allowing him to stay in school?

It seems that you need to find out from your son what is wrong. What he is angry about. Not because it excuses anything, but because something is seriously wrong here.

I can't imagine allowing him to go to school or anywhere if I can't trust that he won't be violent. I'd start there - either be at school with him every single day all day to observe what's happening better, or take him out of school for now. Talk to his pediatrician.

Read How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, And Listen So Kids Will Talk.

Answer 2

OK. Let me get this straight

1) Great kid before Christmas,no violent behavior.
2) His uncle (your brother) comes to stay over break
3) Kid's behavior drastically changes for the worst, violence out of frustration.

I'm sorry, but I have to ask, was your brother alone with your son? Is your son now treating his class-mates the way your brother was treating him? I would take your story to your family doctor and follow what ever examinations your doctor will want to do. It is not usually that a 7 year old will change that drastically. It is normal that some 7 year old boys will hit/hurt a classmate out of frustration, but that does not appear overnight without a cause, often abuse or severe emotional trauma.


I would also talk to him why this is happening. Ask questions like, "What happened to make you so frustrated/angry", "It must have been a rough day with so and so, tell me about it" and just listen, no comments, no lectures until he is finished and then ask him all the factual questions you need to completely understand the incident. Then ask questions like, "What words could you have used instead of your body." "Or what else could you have done." Help him identify when he is going to loose it before it happens and what he can do the keep himself under control.

Answer 3

Get him evaluated at school to possibly put a behavior plan in place since that is where he comes most in contact with other children. At first they will try a couple classroom interventions that do not involve too much more than a mutual plan you work out with the teacher. Begin documenting your contacts with the school regarding your son and any past/present incidents you have had to deal with since these behaviors began. If the first attempts do not curb the behavior, he will need assessments to determine the next course of action. I would especially be concerned if his behavior lasts more than a couple months, but it sounds bad enough already to warrant action. By the way, the school district foots the bill, you just have to advocate for the services he needs and show up to the meetings. Get the ball rolling.

Answer 4

I think it might be for attention. He wasn't use to sharing you now it seems to get more of your attention and he learned a new tactic. Even though your brother is gone what was learned while he was there stayed with your son. I would give it time and see how it changes or stays the same say maybe a month but no more. If it stays the same talk to somebody about it. I know when I got kids staying here my children change.

Answer 5

It mighty not just be the problem that he doesnt understand that violence is bad, but that maybe he has a far greater problem. You might need to consult a therapist, and or if things get drastic
a deserate attempt would be to fight violence with violence. I suggest you take him to a therapist and find out whats wrong. He might be angry at something, he might be sad, or maybe even depressed. It doesnt sound like something a 7year old would so once again i suggest therapy and taking close watch upon him and his feelings. Punishment rarely leads to good. sometimes it might work but mostly it triggers revenge and rebellion.

Answer 6

Call the police, get help for him! He can not grow up like this! He needs to be prepared for the bigger situations in the outside world. The police will give you suggestions on what to do- try sending him to an obedience school. Don't be too soft like "Oh my poor babys gonna get hurt-" He needs to be taught discipline. I don't believe in child violence so I wouldn't hit or physically hurt him. I hope this advice works! ^.^

Answer 7

Get your own son checked out by a doctor or he may be imitating his cousins behavior.Sometimes hyperactivity runs in families and can be genetic.Has your brother been checked out for hperactivity?

Answer 8

So where did he learn this type of behavior? Do you hit him out of anger? I would talk to your school about this and see if they have counceling. There's definatly something wrong in this childs life. Perhaps he's being molested or mistreated by someone else?

Answer 9

you may need to get him into some anger management counseling. there they will work with him on how to cope with things that make him angry without lashing out and hurting someone. continue to do what you are doing at home on top of this to reinforce what the counseling is doing. try to solve this asap because as he gets older, it is only going to be harder to fix. hope this helps. good luck.

Answer 10

Maybe you should consult a doctor about this behavior since he wasn't this way before.