sons birthday and my moms death?

Question

My mother died a year ago today!!! she was 64 years old and died very suddenly...she was having a #2 problem for 8 hours straight...started to be in pain so my dad took her to the hospital...2 hours later she was in surgery and they found out she had an infected colon so they removed it and put a bag there instead and to make a long story short...basically cuz she was a smoker...and she was on a breathing machine 50 percent of the time when she was at home...her body could not handle the surgery..she came out in critical condition..a day later, she had a massive stroke and died 12 hours later.....my son was born 5 days later so he is turning a year old on feb 3rd, 2007 and i really am not that intrested in celebrating. I am going too but i feel bad for my son as he gets older cause i am never going to be happy when his birthday rolls around. it's suppose to be a happy time and to me it's not. anybody ever been in a similar situation?

that's my beautiful son in the picture.

Answer 1

I'm so sorry for the loss of your mother. Bless your heart for having to deal with the loss of your mother and birth of your son so close together. The first anniversary of a loved one's death can be especially difficult. I suggest you have a party for your son when you're feeling up to it. It may be when he's one year and two months. He won't know and everyone that cares about you and your son will totally understand. Believe me, as time goes on, it will get easier. Try to plan your son's birthday party next year a few weeks before his actual birthday. It'll keep you busy planning the party and also give you time to grieve later when it's the anniversary of your's mother passing. This way you won't have the guilt of not celebrating your son's birthday added to your grief. I'm sorry the dates are so close together, but everything happens for a reason. Your mother would want you to celebrate her grandson's birthday with full gusto. If it's easier to do that before his birthday for a few years, then do it. You're a loving mother and daughter. Give yourself time to be both at your own pace. Hug your son, he's a lucky boy. Good Luck!

Answer 2

Wow, what a tough question to answer and yet I feel I need to although I have no idea what to say.

First off, I am so sorry for your loss and I know that you must be hurting so badly. I want to cry for you.

I remember, right before one of my grandchildren were born a couple of years ago a friend of mine had just lost a very close friend. She came to see the new baby just days after the funeral and she said "when God takes one life he replaces it with another." I have never forgotten that and it seemed to help her too.

Now here it is 2 1/2 years later and that same daughter had a son a couple of weeks ago and as he was being delivered, 1500 miles away his fathers cousin was being buried.

I know I haven't helped you and perhaps no one on here can. But maybe your son is a replacement of sorts for your mother. And if you can't celebrate your son's birthday this close to the anniversary of the loss of your mother, then maybe you should celebrate his birthday another day. What is wrong with celebrating it later, maybe when it is a little warmer.

I am so sorry that I am not of more help to you but I will keep you in my prayers.

Answer 3

My dad died a year ago in April. My daughter in expecting and due around the same time that my dad died. My mom is so afraid that the new baby will actually come too close to his death date that she was close to having an anxiety attack.

I had to explain to her that everything happens right when it's supposed to happen. It may not make since to us at the time but there are NO mistakes.

Your mother is smiling back at you and watching you raise your baby.....her grand baby! Would she want your baby to suffer year after year because she past on close to the day that he was born? I don't think so and neither do you in your hearts of hearts.

This year, okay.... it may be very difficult. Make the best of it, take pictures so he will have his memories....for other than pic's he wont remember a thing....the first birthday is for the parents any way....BUT next year, celebrate your mother's life and your sons birth together.

WE WILL ALL BE OKAY....I PROMISE!!!!!!!!

I don't know if you are religious or not but God bless you anyway!

Answer 4

For starters I'm really sorry to hear about your mom, she was probably a wonderful person, and meant alot in your life.
I have always lived by "When one dies, another is born". Your mother is living through your son, and there's nothing more beautiful than that. Your mother is at peace now, and she would want you to be happy, and your son deserves your happiness. Your most likely a wonderful mother to your son, and when you look at him it might remind you of your mother, but think of that as a good thing. Memories are the best thing that we were ever given, so yeah your sons birthday may bring back memories of the day your mom died, but it's also the most beautiful time of your life, you have a wonderful son and be thankful for that. Good Luck

Answer 5

My husband's father died suddenly almost a year ago from hemochromatosis, which no one knew he had, at the age of 62. He was in intensive care over Easter of last year, so we had to set up an Easter egg hunt in the lobby of the hospital for all the grandkids. I know there are still a lot of things that are hard for my husband, now every week in church he gets emotional because it reminds him of the funeral. Yesterday was his dad's birthday, which was another hard day. I try my best just to be there for him. It makes me sad to look through the photo albums of him with our son, and to know that he won't be in either of our children's lives.

As moms, we always want the best for our kids and your mom was the same. She would want you to be able to find joy in your son's birthdays. She would rather you remember all the good times more than the sad. A traumatic event can often stick out in our minds more clearly than the mundane, but that doesn't make it more important, or more attention worthy. I think you'll find that over time things will get better.

Answer 6

I had a son who was born 8/9 and passed away 4 days later on 8/13.

Two years later I was pregnant again and my son was born 8/4. It was hard for me to be happy and grieving at the same time. So I just did my best to be happy on the 2nd son's birthday and on the anniversary of my 1st son's death I wanted to be alone. I just thought about the 4 days that I had him, and looked a pics.

I know it is hard, but it will get easier. Just devote the day of your mothers death to the great memories you had with her.

Answer 7

In a few years it will be a little easier, never easy though. My mom passed away on Dec.3,1988 the service was on the 6th. My birthday was on the 7th along with my daughter-in-law, my sister and my son on the 15th. The first year my father had a dinner for me and gave me a gift. That gift is my special connection to my parents as my dad passed 5 months later. I was able to celebrate everyone as I know that is what my parents would want. I had to step out of myself and act happy for a few years but now I am so happy to have my family. My Kids chose to get married on my parents wedding date. I can and am happy about it as it is a very special date.

Answer 8

On my nephew's 6th birthday, his mother (my sister) was taken to hospital with what turned out to be kidney stones. But she also has Crohn's disease, and we had no idea what the problem was.

On his 7th birthday, his grandfather (our father) had a massive stroke, the complications of which killed him 5 1/2 months later. That was almost 10 years ago.

Suffice it to say that he had no interest in celebrating his 8th birthday.

I have some understanding of how you feel. All that I can really say to you about this is that life goes on. Your mother would have been proud to see your son, and would want you to celebrate each of his milestones. You can best honour her and celebrate her life by continuing on with your own life.

It will be easier to do that as the years go along.

Answer 9

Are you serious? This is horrible way to treat your son. So your mom died go on with your life and enjoy your son. Your mom would be dissapointed at you if she could hear this. People die that is the hard cold fact. Your mom had a good life hopefully and now it is time for her to go. Kick yourself in the butt and go on with life. I feel bad for your son but not because his grandma he never knew is gone but because the mom he has is gone even though you are alive. By the way you are not teaching your son a healthy way to deal with death. Do you want him to treat his children like this when you die when he gets older. Think about it. Dont focus on what you dont have instead focus on what you do have,

Answer 10

It's hard when a loved one dies, especially your mom. But you NEED to be a mother to your son. Your mom is gone and your son is here. It will get better with time. I know from first hand experience, you will always miss your mom, but once you come to terms with it, it gets easier. Try taking that anniversary off and spending it with yourself and your thoughts. Visit her grave, go to a place you both enjoyed, go to church and pray for her. It might help you feel more at peace when your sons birthday rolls around 5 days later. How lucky you are to have such a relationship with your mother that you loved her so much, now its time for you to do the same with your son. Be strong.