How to stop my nine year old son from lying?

Question

He lies to me, his step dad, his teacher...How can I stop this before it escalates in to worse bahavior?

Answer 1

Lying is a habit. With all bad habits you need to break it.

When my son did this, we first explained that he broke the trust we had in him. After this he had to prove that whatever he said was true. This is very difficult to do. We also rewarded him with praise every time he told the truth. When he did something bad and lied he received 2 punishments - 1 for the action and 1 for lying. After a good 3 months of consistency - we broke the habit.

Also as a side note, you mention a step dad. We are in the same boat. Children in step homes typically do this behavior as an attention method as well as rebellion at having a step parent. I would urge you to spend a least a couple hours a week alone with your child. That does help as well.

Good luck to you.

Answer 2

There is lying that kids do for a "good" reason, and there is "whopper-telling" that some kids with a problem do for no reason at all. If he's just doing "basic" lying that all kids do when they don't want to get in trouble or try to think up the thing that parents/teachers will think is the "right" thing to say I wouldn't worry about him. He'll outgrow it. If he's a kid who is known among his friends and neighborhood kids as a whopper-teller that could be a sign that he has emotional issues that should be addressed by a counselor. Sometimes it is because a child wants to stay out of trouble or even just doesn't want to disappoint parents or teachers or else is just too insecure to say what he's really thinking that he'll lie to adults. Sometimes a child who has no respect for the adult in question will just speak what's on his mind and not care what that person thinks, while sometimes its the child who respects the adult in question and who doesn't want him/her to think less of him/her who will lie. Nobody wants to be lied to, and nobody wants to know their child tells lies, but I don't necessarily think it has to mean its the beginning of a problem unless he's lying above and beyond what many kids do - and most people will tell you they've told some whopper to adults in their day. I don't have any statistics or even scientific back-up on what I think I've observed in children, but I think nine and ten are the ages when lying reaches its height. I think it could have something to do with being old enough to assess possible consequences and/or to want approval or not to disappoint but not being sure enough to just tell the truth. Normal children who lie will feel secretly horrible about all the lies they tell, and that could make them decide to never, ever, lie once they are old enough to be sure that they can just be truthful without having a beloved adult think less of them.

Answer 3

Children, who tell ties frequently are trying to gain attention, feel powerful, or are afraid of something. Is there too much criticism or punishment? Perhaps loss of love and approval is the price he pays for making mistakes or doing things the “wrong” way? Fear of criticism or punishment and fear of loss of love are strong motivations for lying. What happens when he lies? If he is punished for misbehaviors, fear is likely the reason behind the lie. Discipline is the key, not punishment.

Start problem solving with him. In problem solving, there is no threat of criticism, punishment, loss of love, or loss of approval. In problem solving, there is only acceptance of the child as he is. Hold him responsible for his actions using natural and logical consequences. For example, when he spills something, he wipes it up. If he is destructive with a toy, he puts it in the trash. If he doesn’t do his homework he can’t go out for recess. In problem solving, the word “lie” is never mentioned or implied. Children are shown the same respect as adults. The distinction between truth and untruth can be taught in more positive ways such as discussing whether a certain story was real of pretend.

Children are also surrounded by white lies. They hear the phone ring and mom says “Tell them I’m not here.” Dad may call in sick to work and then spend the day at the golf course. Adults may say how much they love a gift and then throw it away. These social deceptions make things more confusing to the child. When the child forgets to put away his toys, what’s wrong with saying, “I didn’t do it” as long as he gets away with it? Mom and dad do. A lie gets him out of punishment.

Help your son to feel powerful by saying thing like “You did that by yourself!” “Look how high you can jump!” “You did that so neatly!” “You used so many colors on you picture.” These phrases are great ways to help children feel powerful, great confidence builders, and great ways to show attention.

If you begin problem solving, stop punishing, and used phrase to help him feel powerful and confident, he should soon start to feel more confident, less afraid of making mistakes, feel he is getting positive attention, and stop the lies! Hope this helps! Good luck to you!

Answer 4

first off do not ignore anything that your child does...there are a few ways to get him to understand what he is doing is wrong. 1. is to (when caught in the lie) put a few drops of hot sauce on his tongue. 2. is to take away all of his things (except for clothes for the day and his bed) 3. allow him no pleasantries that he may be used to, such as, candy, friends, and games/tv. 4. do not give in to him, it will be hard on all of you but with out his things he will adjust much faster than yelling and screaming and getting mad. if you have to take everything out of his room while he is at school and only leave his bed and cloths then do it. make it known that if he stops the lying he will receive one thing every week that is appropriate (don't give him the games or tv) like books or music. good luck with this issue and try to post what happens if you can. =)

Answer 5

you should correct him when you catch him telling a lie, and explain to him why it is important to be truthful. (maybe try telling him the story of the little boy who cried wolf) Then every time he tells a lie, let him know that there will be consequences for his actions. Explain to him beforehand what the consequences will be. Also you can try talking to his teacher more regularly and ask her for weekly updates on his behavior.

Answer 6

he lie to you because of the kind of friends he is keeping and from fear of being purnished, make him know that if he tell lies he will be purnished ,but whenever he tell you the right thing instead of a fab give him a gift and shower him with praises. That may help him

Answer 7

Try taking out the book, "The boy who cried wolf". Explain that one you are marked as a liar, nobody will ever believe you even when you tell the truth. Good luck.

Answer 8

Each time he lies take a way a toy or privilege..Or if you do not mind a tap on the hand..Tap his hand sit him in time out for one Min. for each year of age then once the time is up tell him what he did and that it was unacceptable and will not be tolerated.

Answer 9

Reward the truth and ignore the lie.

Answer 10

what you can do is tell him if you lie one more time your grounded and hell tell the truth so he wont get grounded.