my g/f and i have been dating for about 4 and a half yrs, she's 29, im 22 and a half. About 2 weeks ago she informed me that she was preg and will be keeping the baby. she was on the pill the whole time we were dating (allegedly) so i never used a condom or any other type of birth control. i have a few reasons why i think she got preg on purpose the main one being that i ran into a friend of hers yesterday who congratulated me and said she was happy for us b/c "she knew how much my g/f wanted a baby" which was news to me! i just graduated from college and have a good job now and my g/f has been out of college for 7 yrs so financially this isnt a problem, i just am in no way ready to be a dad b/c of the huge change that bringing a child into the world will have on someone's life. just a few month ago she and i were talking about how neither one of us is ready for marriage yet so that isnt an option. on top of this, my mom is gonna kill me! any advice would be greatly appreciated, thanx.
2007-01-29 10:32:04 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Hi,
Ask her frankly!
Now, know that any birth control is not effective at 100%, but having no sexual intercourse.
A kid is a wonderful news when both are happy about parenting. If you are not ready, it is maybe hard for you now, but the futur newborn has nothing to do with that. I hope you will be there for this baby. Hope for you your girlfriend is not going to have twin or triplet, i don't want to scare you, but you will have this information when she will be about 4 months pregnant.
Like i say, it is hard now because you still are young, but see the chance of being a father at long term. And if you really love her, see the chance you have of making her happy, it should make you feel good also. Maybe she wanted to keep you forever and she found that way (if she did it intentionally), having your kid to her is so wonderful. Don't hurt her feelings, she is your kid (to be)'s mom, never forget it. The best would be that this baby makes you stay together.
I am curious if you are going to propose her in marriage or not. Whatever keep close to the child. I also hope she is that important that you stay with her forever.
If you are not for sure you deeply love her, you should be thinking a lot about marriage before to take this step. It is NOT the case with your girlfriend, of course, but i already knew the case with someone who married his girlfriend because she said she was pregnant. It was a rushed marriage, finally, once married, the new groom has never been for sure the new bride was really pregnant or not. She said she lost the baby. She is the only one who really knew if she was pregnant or not, but he felt like either the kid (if she really was pregnant) could have been of another man, because after he married her, he heard some stories about other men. Either he thought she might just have never been pregnant, i tried to help him discovering it, but i didn't succeed to know anything about it either. The thing is he felt so stuck in marriage he decided to divorce after a few months. He said there was no love for him of his part, but he would have never let his pregnant girlfriend without to propose her in marriage (question of honor and because he wanted the kid to have his name and wanted to live with the kid). She wanted to marry him, but he didn't want to, so she found another way to get him and he trusted her because he couldn't have thought one minute she manipulated him that way. It is only once married and with the stories he heard, he began to realize what did happen. His divorce has been a very happy day for him though, not for her. But, as you know, your case is different, your girlfriend is pregnant. Back then, those DNA tests to determine who is the father were not yet existing (if the girl was really pregnant). Also, back then, those OBG visits were not as often and compulsory as the ones you need nowadays. And the young man was back then younger than you. Generations change and you are able to decide easier about a marriage nowadays that you could back then and it's your chance.
I hope you won't be that mad at her if you were discovering she did it intentionally. Remember, you didn't use a birth control yourself... She has been dating you for a long time, if she did intentionally, it means a lot, she loves you that much she chose you as her kid's father. Please, think also her way and not only your way.
Now, it's up to you!
Good luck to the mom-to-be, the futur baby and you!
2007-01-29 14:02:38 · answer #1 · answered by MY.ETERNEL.LOVE4YOU.HUSBAND 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You asked this same question a week ago. Havent you talked to her about it yet?
chris_253...Member since: January 23, 2007
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I think my g/f may have gotten pregnant on purpose and im looking for some advice on how to ask her about it?
my g/f and i have been dating for about 4 and a half yrs, she's 29, im 22 and a half. About 2 weeks ago she informed me that she was preg and will be keeping the baby. she was on the pill the whole time we were dating (allegedly) so i never used a condom or any other type of birth control. i have a few reasons why i think she got preg on purpose the main one being that i ran into a friend of hers yesterday who congratulated me and said she was happy for us b/c "she knew how much my g/f wanted a baby" which was news to me! i just graduated from college and have a good job now and my g/f has been out of college for 7 yrs so financially this isnt a problem, i just am in no way ready to be a dad b/c of the huge change that bringing a child into the world will have on someone's life. just a few month ago she and i were talking about how neither one of us is ready for marriage yet so that isnt an option. on top of this, my mom is gonna kill me! any advice would be greatly appreciated, thanx.
6 days ago - 15 answers
2007-01-29 10:37:08 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It looks like you are dealing with a tough issue. You have to know that the pill is not 100% and pregnancy is always a possibility when you are sexually active. If she got pregnant on purpose or if she didn't, you need to ask her point blank. If you don't, this is something that will always stay between you. If she did then you have some issues to deal with and maybe she is ready to be a parent. If you are not ready it is okay in today's society for two people to parent without being married or live together. If she got pregnant by accident (which can happen...forget to take a pill, are ill and the pill does not work, etc.) then you have some decisions to make.
My advice is to sit down with her and have a heart to heart. Let her know how you fell and find out how she is feeling. Do this soon. If you already talked about not wanting to get married, it sounds like she is not expecting you to propose just because she is pregnant.
By the way, just because her friend said she wanted to have a baby does not mean she did this on purpose. She is older and probably is ready for that next stage in her life. Many woman voice a desire to have a baby but that does not mean right now.
Good luck!
2007-01-29 10:54:41 · answer #3 · answered by Nancy S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, first of all you should have used extra precautions. Did you really expect her to wait until she was 40 to have kids? Also I don't think "SHE" did it on purpose. You both did it by not using a condom or something else. There is nothing you can really do other that take on the responsibility and get used to being called Daddy! If you are really worried about your mom then it sounds like you might have some issues there too. You are out of college, have a job, have a steady g/f (for a while it looks like), and you are worried about what your mom thinks?! I am 22 and due in 4 weeks with my first child, my husband is 27 and my mom didn't kill me, she is actually very excited. You might be surprised on how your mom reacts. Also, your g/f wants a baby, and she should have never had to explain to you that she will be keeping it. That should be something someone assumes to begin with. She is old enough to have this baby with or without you. So if you are not ready then you shouldn't make her feel like she is not ready. I think if you can make a baby, be a man and own up to the responsiblity!
2016-03-29 08:47:02 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if you have the kind of relationship that has lasted this long....you should just come out and be honest and ask her. Tell her what her friend said so she knows why you think this. It's not like you are coming up with this out of the blue.
Maybe having this baby will change your opinion about marriage. A baby needs a good strong solid family to grow up in.
I know this is huge for you.....and it sucks if she really did this on purpose. But truth is getting pregnant on accident happens all the time.....but either way you made the decision to sleep together.. and so you'll have to own up to responsibility.
Good Luck & God Bless.
2007-01-29 10:51:00 · answer #5 · answered by fromthecabbagepatch 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is impossible for your girlfriend to have gotten pregnant "on purpose". Number one, there are NO birth control methods on the market today that are 100% effective. At 22 you SHOULD know that, you are an adult and if you're old enough to partake in sexual activities you should at least be EDUCATED about birth control...don't blame your girlfriend if you're not, YOUR education is not HER responsibility. If you CHOSE not to use a condom that was your own fault. Condoms not only help in the prevention of pregnancies they are also instrumental in warding off STDS, HIV...however can do nothing for the spread of HPV which is spread by skin to skin contact. If you were/are undereducated in these matters then you shouldn't have had sex. The fact that YOU'RE not ready to be a dad is just too damned bad...YOU put yourself into that position and I suggest you start growing up.
2007-01-29 17:59:42 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Women do that. I think it's highly unethical, but it happens a lot. On the other hand, don't jump to conclusions and start accusing her, that could only exacerbate the problem. Ask her gently. Say: "hey, I ran into so and so and they said congrats, they knew how much you wanted a baby... was this... planned?" You should definately talk to her about it and explain how you feel. At the same time, start looking at the positive aspects having a baby has. There's nothing quite like it, and it can be a wonderful, incredible experience. However you want to look at it, you have nine months to adjust!
2007-01-29 10:42:29 · answer #7 · answered by mina_lumina 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's too late now! Think about the baby,ok?
If you don't love her,or you think what she did was
wrong & a way she could use to trap you or get
you to marry her,then don't marry her,just be there
for the child. If you had no earthly idea she was going
to try to get pregnant,& you are honest with us about
this,then why should you & the child have to suffer
from what she chose to do?
Love your child,if you must,ask for a blood test,and
do not marry her,cuz if she tricked you this time,just
amagine what else she might do to you if you were to
marry her!!! Use your money to help with your baby,but
don't marry anyone who would decieve you like that.
I agree,22 is very young,but learn from it,& send a good
message to all young men who are in your shoes,that
just because you became Dad's early doesn't mean you
have to be forced in being a husband too!!!
2007-01-29 10:39:55 · answer #8 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your probably right about her being deceitfull, but what are you going to do now?That is still your baby no matter what,you could either be mad at her for the rest of your life, or get over it and except the responsibilities..you know, your girlfriend is deffenitely at that age of wanting a baby,because of her age,but to bad she had to be sneaky about it...I suppose that there was a very small chance that the birth control pill didn't work, but I doubt it!!..But anyways, babies are sooooo cute, and about your mom...if you just graduated college,well,atleast you went and finished,so just get a job.What she gonna say,your almost 23 and you have been with that girl for a long time...just except it!!!goodluck
2007-01-29 10:47:02 · answer #9 · answered by jan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand where you are coming from knowing she was on the pill but not wearing a condom is your fault as well. I got pregnant on the pill so it is not 100% safe but if she stopped taking on purpose then she deceived you. You sound smart and you got your stuff straight.Talk to her is the best advice I can give you, see what she says and go from there, Can you overcome her lie-If she lied, that is up to you and what is in your heart but if she decides to have the baby, do your part-you don't have to be with her but be there for the child, it is not the child's fault. Best of luck to you.
2007-01-29 10:43:19 · answer #10 · answered by Willow 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋