My mom and dad have been married 48 years and she just passed away and he is in much pain . how can i help.?

Question

MY MOM WAS THERE FOR HIM 48 YEARS MAN , HE STILL LIVES IN THE SAME HOUSE. PLEASE LET ME KNOW, HE IS REALLY HURTING.

Answer 1

My condolences to you and your father. Just keep him company as much as you can. He already knows he had a good life with your mother. What a blessing- 48 years!
Tell him often that you love him and admire the marriage he and your mom had. It was quite an accomplishment.
If he is not used to housekeeping and such, do as much as you can for him; shopping, etc. If you can afford it, offer a cleaning service a couple of times a week.
Don't push him to give away your mother's things or otherwise make changes to the household. Just let it be and come around as much as you can.
I wish I had what he is missing. So many of us have never connected with someone the way he did with your mother. It is a real tribute to both of them that they not only stayed together through thick and thin, but also produced a compassionate child.
Again, my sympathy and I'll be praying for the strength of your family.

Answer 2

I found this in an Ann Landers column in the newspaper: "In this sad world of ours, sorrow comes to all, and it often comes with bitter agony. Perfect relief is not possible, except with time. You cannot now believe that you will ever feel better. But this is not true. You are sure to be happy again. Knowing this, truly believing it, will make you less miserable now. I have had enough experience to make this statement."-- Abraham Lincoln-- I know everyone has to have some time to grieve but I'm sure this may help a little bit. Sorry for your loss, that sucks.

Answer 3

My mom passed in 2003 and my step dad was 87 yo.
Try to get him involved with your kids or activities. Don't push, but offer. Be there for him as much as you can. Fill in the voids. Think outside the box. Maybe there are some things he has always wanted to do like fish or hunt or go to a Disney park? Take him out to walk or exercise everyday. Church groups or politics or salvation army volunteer?

Answer 4

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss! This makes me want to cry. My grandparents were married for 55 years and when he died, she passed on seven months later. I really wish I could tell you how to make him feel better!! I believe once you have been with someone that long, they become a part of you spiritually and almost physically. It's like becoming one person. This really does hurt me because I do understand the helplessness you are feeling. I will pray for you and him. At this point I think he needs to feel that she is somehow still there for him. Let him know that she will always be there in his heart and soul. Let him know that he is not alone in truth. Good luck

Answer 5

I'm sorry for your Mom's passing. My mother died before my dad, and what I did, due to his health not being that good, was I asked a man from my church if he and maybe other men could come over once in awhile to talk with him.
There were three men who would come over once a week to talk (man talk) for about 45 mins. and I had the joy of hearing my dad laugh one time. At least. And, if one or two of the men couldn't come over each week, at least one was there. My dad died 5 and a half months after my mom. Yet some people have lived on many years after losing their spouse. Maybe counseling? A senior center, activities thru them, and maybe you could sit down and just listen to him once in awhile. My dad was the kind of man who kept things between him and my mom, didn't share his feelings with me. Not on Mom's loss. Maybe go bowling? Fishing? Take care.

Answer 6

Grieving for a lost love one is painful, but it is also part of the healing process. I'm glad you are there for him. When the time is right suggest he go to a grief support group, and maybe you can join him, since she was your mother.

Something I learned. . the best advise I ever had. . . don't make any big decisions for at least a year. Hold off on selling the house, getting rid of stuff, etc. etc. I've heard so many stories of regret from people who abruptly made decisions they regretted later! Take care of your dad and yourself. Peace.

Answer 7

Take him out like to dinner or over your house and watch a game on tv you know a football game or a boxing match or go to a mall and just walk around or to a drivr like in the country give him some things to help take his mind off what happened a little.It will never stop the hurt but it might help with his and your fealings.I am very soory for your loss.

Answer 8

Just do everything you can to be there for him. He's going to hurt for a long time. My father-in-law and mother-in-law were married for 40 years when she passed away. It takes a long time to get through the grief and anguish. The only way you can help is to be there for him.
In a few months, you may want to talk to him about a support group or therapy, but right now he probably won't be receptive to such suggestions.

Answer 9

been there. my dad was lost. i cooked and cleaned for him. i brought my boys over a few times a week and had dinner with him. i was afraid of him being alone. sadly, the only thing we, as their children, can do is be around. listen when he talks. share stories of your mom when you all are ready. and be patient. its cliche but time does heal wounds. he is about to start a new life as are you. its a life that you and he no nothing about yet. it can be quite a journey but ,given time,it will still be a good life- he has you, doesn't he? i am so sorry to hear of your mom's passing. be patient, he'll be okay and so will you.

Answer 10

All you can do for him is be around him and let him talk about her and his memories with her. Give him some time, 48 years is a long time and he's bound to be depressed for a while about his loss.