How do I fool a lie detector machine?

Question

I have been accused of a serious matter at work, and have agreed to take a polygraph test to clear my name.
The truth is I am guilty as accused. But all my life I have been a compulsive liar, and agreed to the test because I figured I could fool the machine.
Any tips?

Answer 1

There are 2 methods.
Bit too late for the first method because it relies on years of meditation to develop mind control to a level to fool the machine.
So, instead, try to think hard and long on just how badly things could go. Work yourself up into a real state. Keep this up until the day of the test. Build a state of panic before you go in, and visualise a life of being raped and abused in prison and despised by everyone as a result of failing. See the questioner as a monster and believe that everyone has it in for you. You will now fail all of the questions (including the ones known to be true) and the test results will be inconclusive. Many people can do this, but, being a habitual liar you might struggle and will just have to accept your fate.
You sound well qualified to get another job quickly; wouldn't this be an easier option?

Answer 2

Hrm, I probably shouldn't pass this along.

An ex boyfriend of mine, many years ago, was an accountant for some large firms. Being a criminal at heart, he'd installed some worms into their system that pinched a few pennies off of every dollar that came in. Eventually the worm got found and heads were about to roll. All the accountants had to take a lie detector test. Amazingly, he passed with flying colors. HOW? I asked him.

He said he would clench and unclench his toes inside of his shoes, over and over again. It would require just enough concentration to keep up the clench, unclench, clench, unclench to keep him from paying too much attention to the questions or whatever. He said that if they see you doing something to distract yourself, they'll make you stop, because it will flub the results, but as long as he did his toes in his shoes, they never knew and he'd always pass.

Answer 3

Tape a tack (pointyside in) to the bottom of your big toe. Then, just before you answer each question, press your foot on the tack hard enough to make it hurt. Do this for both lies and truths, and the polygraph machine will react with such violence that the person doing the test will be unable to tell if you're lying or telling the truth.

Of course, this may just be an urban legend, but if you really are guilty, at least I'll get the pleasure of knowing you're torturing yourself for potentially no gain!

Answer 4

take a valuim. It works everytime, besides lie detectors won't hold up in court.

Answer 5

On every question tell a lie, don't tell the truth on any question, not even you name or age. If the whole session of questions come back as a lie on every one, they will assume the machine is not working correctly, because no one can lie all the time, and they will assume that you have told the truth instead. Trust me, it will work!!

Answer 6

Just make believe in your mind that you are Bill Clinton.
He was a pathological liar and a compulsive liar.
He fooled almost half a nation.
Believe your own lies.
Pretend you a Democrat Politician, and you can fool most people.
A machine is easily tricked.

Answer 7

as far as i know a lie detector test measures things like breathing and heart rate if you can control all the things it measures and dont let them change thru the whole thing keep em constant you can theroreticly beat it good luck

Answer 8

Don't lie

Answer 9

Lie!

Answer 10

put a penny or a washer in your sock and play with it with your
feet or take a deppresent drug to calm you down.