what do i do?

Question

i have stepkids and my husband normally disciplines them, but he's going to iraq. what do i do ? my stepkids are a 7 yr. old girl and then two 13 yr. old boys and i'm 20 so the only one who listens to me is the 7 yr. old

please dont comment on the closeness in age

Answer 1

try to see things from there point of view be fair but firm. fun but hard. they will start to see you as not just the step mom but as a firm believer of whats right and wrong in the world. good luck to you and my prayers are with your husband.

Answer 2

hold a family meeting before your husband goes to iraq. Dr phil says that the step parents shouldnt be the main disciplinarians, and in your case it is going to be tricky. think of all possible scenerios that could happen while he is away (this will be a hard one as things can always just "pop up!" with kids) but make sure that they know the consequences of their actions before they even do it, and make sure that they hear the consequence said by their father, that way, when they do something wrong, they will know that their dad already warned them of what would happen. this way, you dont look like the bad one, and it actually makes disciplining a looooot easier. if you have to, even have consequences of actions written on a poster in your home so they can constantly be reminded. sounds like you're going to have a hard time while he is away, girl, and my heart goes out to you, but just remember that you are in charge and stick to your guns..they will have a lot more respect for you that way than if you let them walk all over you!! hope this helps!!!!!

ALSO: if you need help, which it sounds like you very well might...dont be afraid to ask maybe somone in the kids family, like a grandmother, or an aunt...someone that they trust that can lend you a hand

Answer 3

kudos for you for stepping into such a situation! Sit down with your hubby & the kids before he leaves and make sure they understand that you are not disciplining them to be mean or to punish them, but for the same resons their dad does - to keep them safe & help them on the right path thru life. You should step in and start aiding your husband while he is still here, even if you're just sitting next to him while he lays out the deal. The kids will see that you were a part of the decision, and will take you more seriously if they think Dad is backing you up.

Answer 4

Not enough info to be thorough, but it may help if the husband sits down with the two 13 year olds and explains just who is BOSS while he is gone, and how he intends to deal with any problems that they may cause while he is gone, etc., when he returns. It sure would help if some of the husband's relatives are near enough to help you, should you need it, and it won't help your husband to be worried about the home front while he is gone, either.

Answer 5

I think you are going to have problems. I think you will have a problem with the 13 year old boys doing what you say. Is their mother not in the picture? Can your parents or his parents help you out? I think you are going to need some help with them so that you don't lose your mind and hurt your relationship with the father.

Answer 6

I think that you and your husband should sit down with the children befor he leaves for iraq and set some ground rules and boundries and make sure that all the children understand that even though you are not their biological mother they still have to listen and help out

Answer 7

Well,you are just 20 years old? WOW!
You got into this,so I'm sure you can handle it.
Where is their real Mom? Why must you be the
one to take care of them? That's alot to handle.
Well,can you get anyone to help you?
I wouldn't want to be in your shoes,because you
are way too young to be going through this.
Why on earth didn't you realize this would happen
much sooner?

Answer 8

i agree with the first answer but i think you need to make sure you have a good support system in place a womans group a parenting group, you will need this for a lot of reasons, you are young it's a lot of responsibility, but YOU CAN DO IT, please try to find some groups, it will help good luck, i'm sorry your hubby has to go

Answer 9

Remain the Adult, and never step down too there Level! Because believe me when he leaves they are going too try you. SET GROUND RULES!

Answer 10

Have you tried telling him your not trying to take the place of his real mom. Coming from a broken home that is what i thought my stepmother was trying to do.