How do I get my family to back off and out of my life?!!!?

Question

I am 20 years old and the youngest of five children. My father died when i was 16. My mother and two of my sisters are drug addicts and the other sister and my brother are complete drunks. They can't hold a job and all of them are in and out of jail. I have my own life. I live 2 hours away from them and i am happily married with a one year old. They are constently calling me and asking me for money that they NEVER pay back! They visit only if they want something and then they leave! They are always saying rude things to me about the way i live, i.e. comments on the clothes i wear, they will make fun of the way i read to my daughter all the time, and other pointless disapprovals. How do I get them to leave me alone so i get on with my life? They dont want to get better and they have no goals, i have realized that i cant help them. I want to forget about them and live on happily. How do I push them out?

Answer 1

The next time they call you, just be honest and tell them that you can no longer help them with money, or anything else, you have a family and you wish to continue to have one, you don't want to cause a problem in your marriage, because of outside influences and you don't want your child to see certain things, even though she is still young, you don't want her exposed to their way of living....if that is too harsh, just say you have helped all that you could and can no longer help them....you'll get rude remarks, but hey, if it works, you are free....for the time being anyway...they'll be back...they always do. Good Luck to you.

Answer 2

First of all, congratulations on breaking the cycle of dysfunction you were born into. You are married, I assume drug free, employed, and enjoying your freedom out of jail with your family. You are a success and proof that no matter what you come from you can do better! You are already elevating your daughter a step even further by reading to her. Wow! What a great parent! You are not just bonding with your daughter when you read to her. Language acquistion and reading readiness begin with just what you are doing. She like you, is destined to be a winner.
As for the rest of your family, notify them that the bank is closed for withdrawals. The loan department has been permanently disbanned and in fact the only financial transactions you will make now are accounts receivable.
Also tell them that since you live two hours away, you wouldn't want them to be inconvenienced by such a long journey without being admitted to your house. In other words, if they don't phone first, you will not feel obligated to accept their unannounced visits. When they do call, be busy. You are! You are taking care of your young family and that takes all of your time.
If they call you stingy and stuck up, tell them that you just need the money for better clothes and more books to read to your daughter.
Pray for them. Don't hold a grudge. I don't believe you do. Not holding a grudge doesn't mean you have to make yourself available for the dysfunction you escaped!
You could teach the world a thing or two about being a man. I'm glad I read your post!

Answer 3

Change your phone numbers for a start, when they come around dont answer the door, never give them anymore money not even how much they beg or what its for just start shutting them out never let them in the house when they come make them stand outside go out to them, i dont know what more yopu can do without moving and changing numbers so they dont know where you are but i am sure you cant move, or you can bite the bullet and call the cops on the drug use and perhaps that will teach em.

Answer 4

First of all Good for you, for not going down the path the rest of your family has chosen. But I'm sorry to say that the only way you can get them out of your life, is for you and your family to move away without letting them know your new address and phone number. As long as you are the one with the money they will keep coming because they know where you live.

Answer 5

I am so sorry for your situation... what a hard choice to make.
I am glad that you see that you can't force anyone to get help and that as much as you want to, you can't make them change.
The only real solution here is to cut them out of you life completely. It is sad but that is what you are going to have to do.
Don't answer when they call, no more lending them money, do not let them into your home for visits... nothing.
You may need to move to a different house and get an unlisted phone number.
If you let them, they will just keep finding a way in and taking advantage of your kindness and compassion.
They will probably not react to this very well but you have to protect yourself and you family from these people.
Good luck to you!

Answer 6

I have a sister that is like that. I moved, changed my number, and told others that know her I would kick butt if they gave it to her.I also had some very painful conversations with her prior. Happily, i have not heard from her in over two years. Sad.

But who are they to judge us? So we provide healthy safe environments for our kids, and have some pride in presentation while we do so, So what? Good for us! I bought a '03 dodge neon, low end, used, and my sis asked me how i could justify driving a car like that when people like her are starving. I drive over 70 miles a day to support my family, i need good transportation. and i told her so! It boils down to them being lazy, therefore envious of what we have, so they belittle us so they can feel better. Family or not, it that is the way it is say good bye!

Answer 7

I'm way younger than you but id say just to ignore them block them call hate phone companies try to block there calls or change the number tell them straight up that you are sick of being used and you want your own life it might be mean but tell them it is not your fault they are druggies and have no goals you have a daughter and I'm more than sure you love her or you probld not take the time to read to her so tell them if they were clean and had a child if they loved there child they would do the same DONT LET THEM PUSH YOU AROUND LIKE A LITTLE TOY AND DONT LET THEM TREAT YOU LIKE DIRT TAKE A STAND AGENTS THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Answer 8

Move, leave no forwarding address, new, unlisted phone # , tell everyone you do give it to, ie close friends, not to give it out to anyone as you are trying to move on.
If this is not possible, just be straight with your family. Tell them you have had enough and want them to stay away from you. If they do come to you for anything, say no. No negotiating, no coercing, No and that's final.
Don't allow them into your house, and if they insist on coming to your home, file for a restraining order. Once you have done that, you can have them charged with tresspassing everytime they come to your home.
Tell them all that unless they get straight, sober and stay out of trouble with the law, this is how it will be.
None of this will be easy and you are going to have to be really tough on them, but it's this, or their influence in you and your child's life. Good Luck

Answer 9

well I think the best thing is for you do move. Because you can't really push them away, remember that for good or bad they are still your family. and won't keep them away. Just move as far away from them as you can and don't give them your phone number use some other communication to keep in touch like letters or emails. And Good luck!

Answer 10

Change your number and when they come over tell them to leave if they dont call the cops maybe then they will see that you meant what you said and then maybe they will have to help themselves.I did that to my real father 29 years ago everytime he kept comming around I beat him up and now he knows to stay away from me.The man that treated me like his real son was my mothers 2nd husband and he passed away 6 years ago when people ask me how is your dad I tell them he passed away 6 years ago.Sounds to me you just have to move on and dont even realize that they even exist.THATS WHAT i HAVE DONE FOR 29 YEARS