How do you get a 5th grader to bring his homework home and .....?

Question

He does not seem to care if his grades are bad. He says all the time that he already done it or forgot it. He comes home calling himself a loser or that he is dumb. He is always getting dententions for not doing or handing in his homework. I don't know what is wrong, he did great last year and he is in special classes. I always tell him I believe in him and that I know he can do it. But he always wants me to do his homework. I am at my wits end, I am crying all the time, and very stressed out. I don't know what to do anymore. I tried to have a talk with him, but it doesn't work.

I have taken things away and he hands me more stuff to take away and says he don't care. He has talk to a counselor. He has a TV in his room but it is not hooked up and he has a playstation but hasn't played it in a year. He is in classes that is special ED classes.

I have walked in his shoes, I have been there and done that. I have had a teacher call me stupid, just because I asked for help. So I know what he feels like. I tell him, while looking into his eyes, I know he can do it. I have faith in him. I thank you guys who had gave me some idea's and the ones who insulted me I will not read your answers.

Answer 1

Your son seems to have extremely low self-esteem. This has been caused by some negative influence at school and has now affected this child's ability to learn to such an extent that he now doesn't bother. There could also be some learning difficulty but this would need to be ascertained. His lack of interest in doing his homework is a reflection of this low self-worth and deep down he is saying that he's a failure anyway so why bother doing it at all. Saying he has lost the homework or already done it is his reasoning for not doing it at all.
Investigate the origins of these negative influences and correct them before they stop this kid from even wanting to go to school.
Hook up with his teachers and find out how he interacts or not with his class peers. He may be bullied or he's ridiculed in class - nothing shoots the confidence down faster than some other kid in your class laughing at you or making rude or insulting remarks to you when your are trying to work.
You will need to work with your son in this situation - punishment may only make the situation worse.

If there are no obvious negative issues in his class then you may have to look at his school work. How is he progressing through the lessons? Can he understand what is expected of him. Is he able to cope with the lesson/study loads? Problems in this area may indicate a learning difficulty - education support units at the school would be able to assist in this area. Avoid doing his homework for him - he will not learn or gain anything from this.

Your son will need to understand how important his grades are even at this early stage in his education - failure now could mean progressive failure through-out his schooling and this would be disasterous for any future employment or career prospects. Ask him what he wants to be when he "grows up"? Ask him to think of 3 things he would like to be when he is adult. This may help him set goals and give a little boost to his confidence.

There is an old Chinese proverb: The journey of 1000 miles begins with but a single step." This is a journey; a challenging
one and everyone involved in your son's education must be willing to be there for the "hard-yards" no matter what.
Bottom line: this boy is in very real danger of falling through the cracks in what your country's education system is if he is not caught now and something is done to correct whatever it is affecting him in this fashion.

Best of luck and kind regards to you.

Answer 2

The school is wrong here. Your daughter needs a lot more help. Complain to the head teacher. Also, think about other options. It may be there is a special school where your daughter might thrive - being taught things that will be useful to her without so much academic pressure ebeingput on her. If she has to stay at her school, then they need to come up with a system that works for her. There is no point making her exhausted and unhappy doing work that is not teaching her anything. I have a niece who couldn't cope in the mainstream and for a while her parents battled on, helping her as much as they could. She was stressed and miserable, never had time for anything except school work, and the other kids saw her has 'different'. When they finally put her in a special school everything changed. She made friends, she won awards for swimming and art, and she became relaxed and happy. I'm not saying this would be right for your daughter, but do look at all the options.

Answer 3

Some kids dont bother with homework.My daughter says alot of boys in her class cant be bothered doing their homework.Boys dont care.The teachers throw their hands up in despair.What about the teachers?Are they saying negative stuff which does not really help.You should try praising when he does do good things.There is no easy answer to this.IMaybe its time for a teacher conference and you might need to look at picking up his homework yourself.I have had negative stuff said to me.You just need to have faith in your son.Perhaps there are other isssues going on.Work can get harder as the year goes by.I hope and pray that you find a solution to your sons problems soon.

Answer 4

You need to start punishing for not doing work, and praising for doing work.

I'm not talking about punishing for a bad grade. Nobody should be punished for doing their best. What I am talking about is punishing for not doing his work when he's expected to.

Call up his teacher or have a meeting with her at school. Ask her to make sure he brings his work home each night. He will have no excuse this way not to bring home his work.

Set up an after school schedule to keep him on task. Such as a snack when he gets home, 30-45 minutes of free time, and then do part of his homework then and the rest after dinner. (Spreading his work out will keep him from feeling overwhelmed with work when he gets home.)

If he refuses to do his work, start taking away priveledges. Take away the tv, video games, computer priveledges, etc. each time he doesn't get his work done.

When he does get his work done, reward him. A small reward each time such as 5 extra minutes of tv time or a special treat at the end of the week if he gets all his work done that week.

Answer 5

Sounds like there is something going on at school. Either the teacher is a butt or some of his classmates are picking on him and calling him stupid or dumb. And if they are and the teacher is not handling it you may have to go to school and sit in on one of his classes. Have you had him tested...his eye sight. He could have dyslexia. What kind of special classes? does he have difficulty with comprehension? There are places and programs that can help with this. Do some on line research. Nip this in the bud now before it gets too far.

Answer 6

You and your son need to get into counseling. Both of you seem to be depressed. They can help you with your depression. Once you come out of depression, other things will fall into place with a counselor who knows you and will help you. If you're already seeing a therapist then give it time or find someone else that you or your son can connect with. You may need to switch to different therapist at some point. Some are especially talented with helping pre-teens and teenagers. Please contact your doctor or school to get a therapist as quickly as possible. Good Luck!

Answer 7

Wow both my nephews went though this. I dont have suggestions because honestly no matter what I did {i raised them} it didnt work. I would even take them back to the school get their homework or books from their lockers. I'd watch them do it and they'd never turn it in. I think alot of kids go through this every parent I know has mentioned this has happened to them. My nephews finally outgrew it when they had to go to summer school

Answer 8

DEAR IT SHOULD BE HELPING THEN IF IT IS NOT THEN I JUST DO NOT KNOW IT IS TIME FOR A TEACHERS COFFIRECE AND SEE WHAT IS REALLY GOING IN THE CLASS A SURPRISE TRIP ALWAYS HELP. MEET WITH BOTH TEACHERS THERE ARE TOO BE A TEACHERS AID TOO THE PRINCEAPALS BOTH OK TAKE CARE I HOPE THIS HELPS YOU OUT I WAS IN SP. ED. TO

Answer 9

I know how it feels I bet if you walk in his shoes a day you will find the kids pick on him, hes got a low self asteem and hes not challeged enough in his area of needs. try to find a class to interest him. have the teachers look for your name on each home work assighment. find a different type of schooling for him it might help too.

Answer 10

My son was going through the same thing (he's in 4th grade) He has since been diagnosed with ADHD and since treatment has began total 180 turn around. Also, have him go to a counselor, he may feel more comfortable talking with someone he doesn't know (Mine did).