I am a single parent who has worked 2 jobs most of my life to make sure my children had what they wanted and needed. After 9 years of trying to get my ex spouse to do any kind of reasonably paying work, we divorced. There wasn't any of me in the relationship. Just someone who worked to provided. I couldn't take the reality that this man wasn't going to do anything. The children are all teens and preteens now and frequently play mom and dad against one another. They are typical American kids who expect everything to be given to them such as a car to drive, a college education, etc. I provided all these things for myself and tried to instill values in the kids that they needed to contribute something. A year ago I met someone special who wants me to go overseas with him (He is European). My heart is telling me to go with him and give the custody to their dad, yet at the same time I am being forced to feel guilty that my kids don't come first. Am I the only one out there?
2007-01-29 08:55:17 · 17 answers · asked by Deborah S 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Your kids' well being should come first. (That doesn't mean that you have to give them everything in the world...just make sure their needs are taken care of - including the "need" to have responsibilities of their own.) It sounds as though your ex is most definitely NOT going to meet their needs.
Wait a few more years for your trip overseas. Or take the kids with you. But please, don't leave them with a dead-beat parent.
2007-01-29 09:04:06 · answer #1 · answered by Meg M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your children are not adults yet. I understand the whole falling in love and needing what you havent gotten since you had kids, and thats normal. However, think of how you would feel if you were in the position that youre kids are in. Ask yourself questions like "will they think I didnt want to be a mom?" or "will they be taken care of properly" remember they are not old enough to be out on there own, I realize you want to sign your rights over to their father but maybe you should sit down all together as a family and discuss this. i personally could never do it, but everyone is different and thats what makes the world go 'round. If this guys is really for you and wants to take you over seas then he would not think twice about bringing your children as well. Good luck!
2007-01-29 09:05:46 · answer #2 · answered by Nikoale 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you feel guilty that you aren't putting your kids first then that should tell you something. If you have always handed everything over to your kids then how can you expect them to behave any differently than they are? Now that the damage is done you want to feel sorry for yourself for all the years you put into your kids and bail out? There is seriously something wrong with your thinking. Since when does a loving mother just hand her kids over and leave the country? Nobody ever said parenting is easy but when it gets difficult we don't just get on a plane and leave them behind....what message are you leaving them with?
2007-01-29 10:39:15 · answer #3 · answered by my3sons 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my book you are. It is not your children's fault you were unable to install values and ethics into them. They haven't been raising themsevels all these years. I could never leave my children for a man...
There are no guarantees in your relationship with him. What will you do if you go away with this man and it doesn't work out. You will be stranded there alone and your children will be here being raised by your ex and possibly a step parent and you might stand the chance of never being able to see them again...are you willing to take that chance? I wouldn't be.
2007-01-29 18:13:20 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you do not have any conditions in your paperwork then I do not see why you cannot take the children with you. He knows you have children to care for etc so therefore will expect to have them in the deal
If in the event that it says you have to give your 30 days notice to the other parent then do so
In the end it is up to you, but if you do end up giving the kids to him be sure you get them for all major school holidays. I would certainly rethink this over to make sure the children are completely covered in every area...will they be taken care of when you are gone?
Best of luck to you
2007-01-29 09:11:58 · answer #5 · answered by Cherish B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you can have both....your need to be with this man AND have the custody of your kids...have you talked to the kids and given them an option to come to Europe with you...have you talked to your man and tell me how you feel torn?..i am sure he will want the best for you and provide for your "new" family when you go to Europe....IF you talk to the kids and give them the option to join them but they don't then it is their choice and hopefully this will make you feel less guilty..in other words...follow you heart but with open eyes considering all the options available to you
2007-01-29 09:09:50 · answer #6 · answered by Bob P 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your children seriously need you to be there for them. Don't do it, it's not worth it. A lot of the other answers seem to be selfish . You had the children, take care of them. When they turn 18 then go to Europe. They could and probably will, over time, feel abandoned by you. Children are precious, and you only get one time to raise them, do it right.
2007-01-29 09:46:31 · answer #7 · answered by blldglvr 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
life is so very short,and u worked hard for so many years.if ur ex can provide a safe home,then by all means,go with ur heart! u can have the kids at holidays or summers,ur ex can get them for the rest of the school year-why not?maybe they will appreciate u more if u are not always @ their beck-and-call.be prepared for initial anger/resentment issues,however.if this man from europe is a solid,decent person-not a heartbreaker-if u are assured of his good charactor and good intentions-then,find love at last!give urself from happiness.if u dont,u may regret it all ur life!best wishes and best of luck!
2007-01-29 09:07:31 · answer #8 · answered by kyra k 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If they are not 18 yet...You have an obligation to them.....You decided when you had them that you would be there...Do you want your ex who never seems to do anything to be the only one there for them...they may turn out just like him. Stay home until the youngest is at least 18.
2007-01-29 09:10:16 · answer #9 · answered by hbomb95 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even tho you are moving on i think your kids should come first. You have takin care of them how could you even think of just handing them over and moving to europe. There will always be guys but the moments with your kids should mean more then that, your gonna miss out if you do, I have nothing to say to you any more
2007-01-29 09:03:28 · answer #10 · answered by Sweetie 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋