Im so overprotective?

Question

I am so overprotective of my daughter that I wont let her do anything. She is 4 years old and, I wont let her go outside and make friends. The only outside socialization that she gets is from her pre-k class. She is literally a miracle baby. I never thought that I would be able to have children because of my seizures.
I can't drive at all. Therefore I can't just take her to the B-Day parties that she is invited to from her class peers. And I just cant take her anywhere on a whim.
My entire family works during the day, so I have no one to rely on during the day. Not until about 5pm.
Why am I so overprotective? What am I doing to her?

Answer 1

Do you, by chance, have an anxiety disorder? It's normal to be somewhat protective of our children, but when it's to such a degree as this it may be beyond the realm of "normal".

My advice is to discuss your anxiety with not only her pediatrician, but also your own physician. The pediatrician can address your concerns as far as what studies, if any, have been done on children who grew up in overprotective circumstances. Your doctor can evaluate you (or send you to an appropriate specialist) for anxiety-related disorders and see if that's an issue...and if so, treat that issue.

Children need socialization...and so do moms! Find a way to get her, and yourself, out and around others. Your daughter will benefit from being around children her age, and you'd benefit from widening your circle of adults with whom you interact.

Good luck!

Answer 2

Your daughter needs to learn how to socialize, but if you can't take her anywhere because you don't have a car then that it not your fault. Try finding neighbors close by who have children around her age that would play with her....explain your situation to another parent that you think would be sympathetic....they could bring her over to their house for playdates. Just try to realize that someday you won't be able to protect her anymore. And that no matter how hard you try, she will have to be hurt by other people eventually because that is a part of life. You can be protective of her, and the wonderful mother that you are, and still teach her how to take care of herself...so she can take baby steps into the world of outside relationships. The best thing you can do for her is to help her learn independence slowly. Not all at once. But in the long run it will help her more than trying to protect her from everyone and everything.

Answer 3

I think you are completely normal. She is a miracle baby. In my opinoin all babies are a miracle as I can not have one of my own. But I do have several that I am close to and here is my suggestion...

Do you have a bus system where you live? You can always use that during the day when all the people you have for rides are at work. Try taking her to places that are close to your home first and spiral off from there. You need to show your baby as much of the world as possible and you don't want her to be too afraid to have her own life experiences do you. Try to learn with her. Maybe explain your situation to the parents that are having the b-day parites I am sure they could arrange to get you 2 there and home again.

Good luck!

Answer 4

Although you can't drive, what's stopping you from contacting any of the other mums in the class and asking if they can pick you guys up ?

It's good that you realise you're so overprotective.

I notice that you say you "won't let her go outside and make friends" - is that because you're afraid something bad will happen to her or you're afraid that she will become more independent and not need you ?

Although you can't drive, there is always public transport.

Else if that fails, networking with a mothers' support group or other mothers in the area. I'm sure there's someone who won't mind picking you and your daughter up to go out.

You need to get your daughter out there so she can develop the social skills she'll need to survive in the education system.

Answer 5

Its normal to be overprotective, especially in your case. However you cant keep her from going out and learning the world and how to make friends, etc. You said that nobody can bring you places, but how about if theres a party that your daughter is invited to you talk to the parents. I bet if you got to know the parents of your daughters classmates then they would totally understand your situation and would love to help out. If they go to the same school then they probably dont live too far away. so maybe you guys could set up times that a freids parents could pick you and your daughter up for play dates. That way you will be with your daughter and you will be making friends and gettingout of the house. Just take all the necessary precautions with your condition. Dont feel bad for asking the parents either, it will be good for all of you to get to know each other, and if you are feeling up to it...then every once in a while if someone is picking you guys up bring her a few little goodies, just to say thanks. Good luck!

Answer 6

Try counseling for yourself and consider using public transportation, making sure you have identification on yourself as well as on your daughter, and emergency information on both pieces of identification. I'm assuming you wear a medic alert bracelet. This would keep you both safe in case of emergency and might reduce your anxiety about the "what if" factor.

If you feel that your anxiety is excessive, consider speaking with your neurologist about the use of a medication for anxiety, as it's not uncommon for folks with epilepsy to also suffer from anxiety. There are medications that can be used to control both. I'm assuming your seizures are not completely controlled as you're unable to remain seizure free long enough to get a driver's license. Perhaps some fine-tuning might be possible with your medication or the addition of something like Klonipin (or other benzodiazapine) that would help reduce seizure activity as well as help with anxiety.

Another option might be to invite other children and moms over to your place, explaining that transportation is an issue for you and getting to know the other mom while the children play together. If not from a playgroup, then from her pre-K class. Choose a child she seems to get along with well and go from there. If your place isn't a possibility, somewhere neutral and within walking distance or a quick cab ride, like a McDonald's PlayPlace or park.

Consider an evening Mommy and me class, TumbleTots, gymnastics, martial arts class (Tiny Tigers) or a Saturday version of these classes if you have transportation available then.

Keep in mind that four year olds don't need but so much socialization as they're only just beginning to learn how to play cooperatively and it's likely that after playing with other children all day in Pre-K she's just as happy to play alone or with Mom for the afternoon anyway :)

I think, as she gets older, that you'll probably find it easier to let her have a bit of freedom but knowing that you are vulnerable to seizure activity and that it could put her in a vulnerable situation as well, is enough to make any good mom anxious. Yours is a difficult situation, but parenting is completely individual and we all base it on what our personal strengths and weaknesses are.

Some folks have to adjust their parenting because they're single parents and limited in what they can do "There's three of you and one of me" and some have to make adjustments because they have disabilities or their child does or a sibling does or an elderly grandparent lives in the home etc. You'll do fine. The most important thing is that you care deeply for your daughter, you want to keep her safe, and you recognize that you have limitations but I believe you are living in reality... which is better than throwing caution to the wind in order to give her something she will probably not even miss at this age :)

My best to you... and congratulations on having a happy, healthy, thriving, beautiful daughter... against the odds. I'm proud of you for being so strong.

Answer 7

You are saying it so you know it is a problem. 4 year olds understand a lot.

Are you afraid to go outside because of the seizures. Do you haved a fenced yard? Tell her the importance of staying in the yard, and make sure she knows what to do if you have a siezure. (get a neighbor or call someone)

I dont know how bad your condition is, could you volunteer at school thus perhaps growing your and her circle of friends. then you might find someone you can depend on to go on outings with.

Answer 8

getting your child socialized is HUGE! my sister had no friends in grade school to the end of High School. she had a lot of social problems and became depressed.. she got better once she was on anti-depressants...

you can hire someone to take you AND her places... sounds like it would be good for both of you.
remember, you won't always be able to watch over her. she needs to start learning how to take care of herself and how to function in society.
please, help her learn.. help her to live a full life

Answer 9

you r overprotective because you care and that is good. but u have to give your child a little room to breathe otherwise she might dislike you for it as a young adult.she needs to socialize in order to allow her to make friends in elementary school

Answer 10

Please don't be so harsh on you...you are right not to let her go outside unsupervised at that age..maybe take her out when the rest of your family comes home and ,make Friends then...
GOOD LUCK!!!