my new husband jo is a very devoted/supporting dad/exhusband.jo promised hi ex they would raise thier only child tom together after the divorce.because of this jo maintains daily contact(phone,email ect)with his ex regarding everthing from sports/school activities to what tom ate for lunch.its not unlike her to call jo for 20 mins to tell him what she and tom did for the day.i understand jo does not what to miss out on anything with his son but tom is 7yrs old and old enougth to tell his dad what he did.i feel like hes still married to her just not living with her.this would not bother me much if his ex was not so bitter to me and except me.she had made it very clear i will never be part of her "family unit"and wants me to have nothing to do with toms life as i'm not really family.since jo's life revolves around his son it is hard for me not to be involved.jo will not back me on any of this as he says its her right as a mom to decide what i can an can't do regarding tom and if he stands up for me it will only make it worse for tom.
2007-01-29 08:24:23 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I can't help you out on this one. I feel sometimes I can't have an opinion on my husband's children and the matters that he and she worked out. And I understand that it's their children, but it doesn't feel good to be left out and your objections fall on deaf ears.
2007-01-29 08:36:04 · answer #1 · answered by Celeste P 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
It must have been clear to you before you got married that the situation was bound to cause tension. Your husband clearly had no right to marry again as he is emotionally unable to divorce himself from his ex wife even if he has done it in law. While it is important for your husband and his son to maintain a close relationship it is equally important that the relationship with his ex wife becomes more distant. You are now Jo's wife and if he cannot resolve the situation so that your wishes are treated with the respect you deserve then you have to consider the situation carefully. Bearing in mind that the child is the most important person in this scenario try to work out what you would find an acceptable comprise situation. (e.g. Jo talks with his son daily, not his ex. etc.) If your husband cannot agree then the sooner you move on the better. I hope you find a solution - best of luck!
2007-01-29 08:52:18 · answer #2 · answered by esspee 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is your husbands problem. You are in the picture now, and if he doesn't step in and make room for you, along with Tom, then you have some serious decisions to make. However, I can't imagine this situation just "popped up" out of nowhere. There had to be a dating period - and engagement period right? I'm sure he was a devoted father during that time too, so why now is it a problem? You dealt with it and put up with it during that time - which was a big mistake because you set the tone of the relationship early. You told jo, by your actions, that it was okay for him to leave you on the outside. Well now you need to tell him it is definately NOT okay. Tom can come to your house and visit and Jo doesn't need a play-by-play from the exwife about his son. If this situation doesn't change you may have to reevaluate your part in the "family". Good luck.
2007-01-29 08:40:07 · answer #3 · answered by Brandy 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like you need to stand your ground and put your foot down. You make it sound like you are being walked on and it will continue unless you let them know they can't. Everyone needs to accept the fact that you ARE part of the so called "family unit". That happened when you got married and became Tom's step-mother. It is okay to let the biological parents of the child discuss what is going on, but not on a daily basis. Like you said, the child is old enough to speak for himself. My son is six and him and his father are very close, but they don't need to talk everyday to be close. Ask your husband how he would feel if the roles were reversed? Maybe you should question your husband as to what role he expects you to play and remind him of who he's married to. As far as I remember, you take on the whole package...not just the husband. Maybe you could have a talk with his ex about it as well. But, don't be a push-over. Let her know where you stand. Maybe if she has any decency she can empathize with where you are coming from and cut you some slack.
2007-01-29 08:42:48 · answer #4 · answered by angel 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
that is so not fair to u! I understand all the family business and what not and maybe u shouldnt have any say in the childs life but u do deserve the respect from the mother and child. If u are respecting what they ask of u, then u should recieve that same respect.Your husbands devotion is also to u and unfortunately maybe u come 2nd to his child but u should not come 2nd to his ex wife. Its great that they get along but u need to be included. As u are married to him u actually ARE part of the family. Your his wife and the childs step mom...I say u DEMAND your respect!!
2007-01-29 08:44:57 · answer #5 · answered by JAY 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He needs to understand that he is a parent too so he gets a say on who gets to help raise the child. not just her. You are now a STEPPARENT. Keyword is parent! If this were to go to court you would be allowed in every decision whether she liked it or not. They would bring you into mediation and say "You are part of Toms parental unit, what is your stance on......) He needs to grow a set and stand up for you! As that child gets older he will think its ok to walk on you because his mom does and his dad allows it. Whether she likes it or not you are all family,LEGALLY! She is delusional and needs to get a grip! The fact your husband won't defend you says ALOT about his character, how he feels about you, how much you mean to him, and where you stand in his family!!!!! I spent 7 of the last 10 yrs in that boat! 3 yrs ago he stood up to her and she is just realizing now that she isn't gonna get her way anymore! She finally agreed that the best thing is to be respectful and parent as a TEAM! Good Luck!!!
2007-01-29 09:37:46 · answer #6 · answered by Debbie S 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, you knew what you were getting into, that's the first thing. Your husband's obligation is with his first family, and that's just the way it is. You should have weighed this and realized it before you got married.
2007-01-29 23:47:52 · answer #7 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Obviously he is very involved with his son and doesn't want to jeopardize it and make his ex mad. You must have known this before you married him and this is the "plight of the second wife."
2007-01-29 08:37:39 · answer #8 · answered by Raven 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Keep climbing back into bed.
2007-01-29 08:32:05 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 4⤋
GOOD LUCK!
2007-01-29 13:51:44 · answer #10 · answered by Mommy-of-Twins 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋