Last year, i went long-distance with this guy for 8 months. We met while he was visiting his dad, who goes to my church. We spent a few days together, and on the last day i saw him, he asked me out. After a while, I got really tired of the whole 3 states apart thing so I broke up and moved on. He didn't - and the next time he came to visit, (over Christmas break) I started getting "the feeling" again. We talked every day and hung out as much as we could, and i loved him more then i ever thought i would. This time, the day he left he kept saying how "he didn't want to leave me" and that he is going to try to move up here to be with me more, to try and work things out. The problem, is that I dont like him anymoreI I dont want him to ruin his life by moving here if we're never going to work. He is way more into me then i'm into him! His sister is pretty much my role model and I don't want to do anything that would hurt either of them! She keeps joking that "i'm going to marry her brother"
2007-01-29 08:21:01 · 26 answers · asked by I am Sunshine 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I don't want to hurt him but I don't know how much more I can keep pretending I like him! I might want to date him when i'm older and it actually means something, but we started out wayy to fast to begin with.
2007-01-29 08:23:01 · update #1
He IS in love with me, his sister says that he is obsessed with me. It's just a little too obsessed for me!
2007-01-29 08:34:43 · update #2
You have, on one hand this determination to break up with the guy because you don't like him, and on the other the admission that you "loved him more than you ever thought you would." So which is it? Or did your feelings change just in the month of January? Because when he's around you seem to have deep feelings, but they fade when you're apart. Are you sure you want to break up permanently with somebody you love, who is committed enough to move for the sake of being close to you? Because it sounds like that's what you're saying, even if you add "he is way more into me than I am into him". Get rid of that confusion before you decide what you really want.
2007-01-29 08:34:35 · answer #1 · answered by John D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough one. I don't understand - I thought you said you were getting a feeling again for him, but then you say you don't like him anymore? I guess you made up your mind, but you have to tell him that as soon as possible. If he's going to try to MOVE near you, then you should clear it up now.
Tell him you're not ready for anything long-term and you don't think he should move here to be by you. Say you're not interested in a relationship right now because you have to focus on other things. That would be the way to let him down easy. If you do still want to be friends with him, tell him that too and hope he takes it with the spirit it's intended - to be a gentle let down. Hopefully his sister will see that you were respectful of him and you can still keep her as a friend. She might act a little weird towards you at first, but just give her some time to come around.
2007-01-29 08:28:37 · answer #2 · answered by atxtallchick 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
then WHY do you keep leading him on? come on now! You are not mature enough for anything too serious. The first sign of maturity would be to write him a sweet letter and tell him how special he has been to you, but that you do not want to be with him or plan a future with him anymore. You will hurt him LESS if you tell him NOW. The longer you stall, the more the pain you will cause. Do NOT put him down, or make him feel less valuable. But tell him that you have your heart set on someone else and that you thought it would be better to tell him now, than to see him move up there and cause many problems in his own life. Why should he give up the comforts of where he is for someone who doesn't want him? Okay then, TELL HIM. Stop thinking of yourself, and get this over with.
2007-01-29 08:29:50 · answer #3 · answered by lcamel2000 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Long distance relationships are hard but if you both give it a shot you never know you night end up marrying him. He should come up on a temperary stay and you should try it but tell him this isn't permanent. If it works out he should stay but if it doesn't then he can always go home. Have him come p for the summer or something. Just take it slow so no one gets hurt. And for his sister just don't tell her to much about your guys relationship so she don't get her hopes up in case it don't work. it is between you to and not you and the rest of his family. if it works out then tell his sister. I hope things work out for the best.
2007-01-29 08:28:42 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be honest. The worst thing you can do in this situation is to keep how you feel a secret. Yeah, it may hurt him knowing the truth. But imagine how much more it'll hurt him if he doesn't know and then moves there. It will be much worse for him and you if you keep this up. And his sister will understand. She'll have more respect for you for you being honest than if you keep lying and hurt him more. And you will be proud of yourself too. You will have saved more heartache than you realize. Honesty may hurt, but it is the best thing because it prevents alot of hurt feelings in the long run.
2007-01-29 08:29:58 · answer #5 · answered by gi_jane_kicks_ass 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it's pretty simple. Don't keep pretending. You just have to be straight forward with him and tell him you don't think it's a good idea for him to make the move. You may have to tell him why, and hearing that you don't feel the same way may hurt him, but it will probably hurt less than if he were to uproot himself, move and then discover that you're not into it.
2007-01-29 08:29:44 · answer #6 · answered by Christina 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As difficult as it may be, you really need to tell him how you feel . Just be straight up with him. It will seriously hurt him less if you tell him sooner, rather than later.
Be sure you let him know that you DO care for him and would maybe consider something in the future (IF that is how you truly feel), but also be clear that you don't want him to move for you.
I know that you don't want to hurt him and you want to remain friend with his sister -- so try to do it as gently as possible, while still being honest. Hopefully he will be understanding.
Good luck!
2007-01-29 08:28:15 · answer #7 · answered by mistaken4sane 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him the truth. Tell him you don't have the same feelings as he does and that you don't want him to move out there when you really don't see a future. Let him know that you are not ready for that kind of relationship and don't want to spoil a good friendship by feeling obligating to being with him because he's moved to be closer to you.
2007-01-29 08:25:53 · answer #8 · answered by jaws1013 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Telling him the truth may hurt him for a while but not leveling with him now will hurt him more in the future. How he feels is his business; how you feel is yours. You can't live your life overly concerned about other's feelings. Concerned? Yes! But this is an important decision in your life. You need to tell him how you feel a.s.a.p.!! How his sister handles it is her business. There are a lot of good role models out there. You can't live a lie!! Good luck!!
2007-01-29 08:30:21 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
there's a daunting hadith of Prophet(pbuh) i do not recognize the precise words notwithstanding the hadith is that if a Muslim see an oppression and is derived to a call no longer to do some thing about it, would not condemn the acts of the oppressor by technique of his coronary heart or by technique of his speech have the bottom aspect of Emaan.
2016-12-03 05:04:29 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋