I have a friend who seems pretty together but she does this hot/cold stuff and it's crazy making. I know her mom is an alcoholic and her dad died when she was young. She also divorced about 6 years ago, kind of regrets doing that and now the guy just died at only 50. It's hard sometimes being her friend because she seems to like me one minute and not the next. Not super mood swings but enough to make it a bit touchy. Advice?
2007-01-29 08:02:39 · 7 answers · asked by outtahere 3 in Health ➔ Mental Health
Distrust, insecurity and low self-esteem are often traits of the victims of alcoholics. Having to grow up in a household where you never know where or when the next blow will hit leaves very deep scars and sometimes a situation arises that causes a reaction that they, themselves, don't expect or understand. Also if you grow up in an atmosphere where everything is taken away from you, you tend to assume that eventually someone will take away whatever you presently have. So you live in a "I don't give a damn" world so you don't get too attached to things or people because you won't get to keep them. It's a way of insulating yourself from the pain.
2007-01-29 08:17:49 · answer #1 · answered by Lynn K 5 · 6⤊ 0⤋
Some children of alcoholics have an addictive personality, themselves. They may not use alcohol, but some gamble to excess, use drugs to excess, have sex to excess, or anything at all (someone I knew played Bingo to excess). There are extensions to AA--one is for Adult Children of Alcoholics--I would try to get her involved in that--she will see that many other people are going through the same things and feelings as she is.
You are a good friend to her--and should not dessert her now--try to get her some help. The library is full of self-help books, relaxation tapes, etc. If she has not seen a doctor to talk about this, you should try to get her to one.
Ditching her now would be an extension of the deaths and alcoholism of her loved-ones. She needs emotional support from you. That doesn't mean that you can't let her know (on a good day) that she has hurt your feelings during her mood changes.
2007-01-29 08:23:13 · answer #2 · answered by Holiday Magic 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If your her true friend you need to realize what kind of hell she grew up in. I find it funny how everyone gives their one second no thought opinions, but no one really knows what it's like. Your friend has had no stable foundation for a family, let alone friendships. This is my advice: make her feel very special, tell her what a good friend she is and that you love having her around. She needs to hear positive comments about her presence and that she's actually wanted and valued. That's not much to ask. You'd say that, or at least think that, of your other friends, she just so happens to need it verbalized.
2007-01-29 08:15:19 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
She most likely has a lot of anger and resentment built up over the years. Sounds like she could benefit from counseling to help her deal with all the losses she has experienced. Stcik by her, though and try to be understanding, but don't let her run all over you either. Encourage her to talk about her feelings or to set up an appointment with a therapist. Tell her you'll even go with her if she'd like. Be supportive. She's been through a lot it sounds like and if she's acting like she likes you one minute and not the next, she may be afraid to let her real feelings show or to get to close to you out of fear that she'll lose you, too.
2007-01-29 08:10:23 · answer #4 · answered by First Lady 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i cant answer for all, but i know that i come from a family of alcoholics. i have a hard time getting close to alot of people, and my relationships suffer. maybe she has a mental depression disorder and needs help? maybe you could talk to her and tell her you care about your friendship, but that you think something is going on with her and maybe she needs to get some professional help and take about her issues with drinking and coming from a family with these issues, i really think it may help her.
2007-01-29 08:10:39 · answer #5 · answered by saphirespice 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Get out of the "friendship." That's my advice. My mother was an alcoholic, too and my father died when I was 5.......but I don't use that as an excuse for bad behavior. She has no excuse, as an adult, for letting her childhood rule her life now. No excuse at all. She doesn't deal with things and she is playing the victim and not taking responsibility for the things in her life. You can only blame your childhood on things that happen in your childhood. Once you become an adult, you can't use that anymore. I assume she's been an adult for a LONG time.
The next time she pulls that garbage with you, tell her,
"Get off the cross, we need the wood."
2007-01-29 08:08:41 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 5⤋
abadonement issues they are hers not yours
2007-01-29 11:32:39 · answer #7 · answered by cherry 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋