Can you exclude certain guests form a wedding that you fear will cause issues?

Question

There are several people that we feel could cause problems at a wedding, but they are "dating" people that should be there. Is it possible to invite them to the reception only, even though they would be with a couple of the people at the actual ceremony? We would invite them only to the reception, where we would know they wont ruin the ceremony, just to be fair. How would you go about inviting someone and not a guest with them, by keeping the ceremony family only, if we have one? Can we invite the person (say his father) to just the ceremony and then seperately his significant other to just the reception so she doesnt cause issues? What should we do? How could we word the invitation so they know that he cant bring her to the wedding? Do we send just a seperate invitiation to her worded for those just welcome to the reception? This is a tough situation, but I want it family only and she will cause issues, and she isnt welcome under the circumstances she has caused....

Answer 1

Sure, you can invite who you want, but be ready for howls of misery. Broach the idea to his father first and see what he says. If he is adamant that she come to the ceremony, ask him to speak to her and see what she says and get back to you. Be prepared to get the ' if shes not welcome I'm not going" speech and discuss with your husband to be what the response is going to be in advance.Unmarried people should each get their own invitation anyway, so that's not the issue you assume it to be.
There is no good way to tell someone that the person they are involved with is a troublemaker.

Answer 2

it's common to have some guests invited only to the reception. you can invite separate sets of people to the wedding and to the reception with no problem.

often this is done with the invitation itself worded as more of an announcement of the wedding, and then include small cards that specifically invite guests to either the wedding, the reception, or both -- so that when people RSVP, the card they are sending back indicates they are doing so for one event or the other (or to both). using additional cards inserted into the invitation is a great way to invite some guests but not others to various wedding events, like the rehersal dinner, wedding, reception, brunch, etc.

that said, it sounds like you have a case where you're probably better off trying to explicitly head off potential problems beforehand, since people might not pay attention to the specifics of the invitation. you can:
1) if the person you want to attend the wedding is someone you know well and feel comfortable talking to about this, you can potentially ask them in person to not bring their guest to the wedding but just to the reception.

2) if the person isn't someone you are comfortable raising the issue with, it's probably better to just invite the couple to the reception to avoid confusion or confrontation the day of the wedding.

Unfortunately you probably have to be prepared for the person you want to attend not doing so because you don't want their significant other at the wedding.

Answer 3

If he is married to the person you do not want at the ceremony, etiquette says you have the choice of just inviting them (as a couple) to the reception only BUT it would be rude to exclude a spouse if you want to invite the other one to the ceremony.

If they are NOT married, then simply send an invitation to the person you want to invite with his name [only!] on the envelope. Then, you might send another invitation in a separate envelope, inviting them both to the reception.

It would help if, as a couple, you would talk to the person you want to be present and tell them it is "family only." No need to mention the trouble-making because that may just cause some resentments AND make sure you have answers if they ask why there are non-family members present.

Sad to say, this is no guarantee the other person won't come to the ceremony anyway, if she is the trouble-maker you say she is...

Good luck!!

Answer 4

I would have the same problem. That's why we are choosing to have a private ceremony (just him and I) and then we will have a dinner/reception. the dinner/reception is still going to be by invitation only. its not going to be open door. so I will have someone at the door with a check list to make sure that only certain people get in. I'm not having any of his ex's showing up trying to ruin everything!!!!!!! This is a tough situation. But do what you want, its your day!

Answer 5

It's perfectly acceptable to exclude people you think will make your day anything but special and happy. It's your day (and your dime for that matter) so don't worry about other people's feelings. I know plenty of couples who have had a "family only" affair. You can say you want the ceremony with "close, intimate family only" and that would exclude boyfriends, girlfriends and live-ins. But if they are actually married, then you should invite them - they are now family, bound by law. As for the specific woman you are talking about, be upfront and tell her and his father that she's not invited and tell them why. I think in this instance, honesty is the best policy. No cute and clever way of "not" inviting her is needed. Good luck.

Answer 6

When sending the invite, only put the person's name you want to come, ex: "Mrs. Jane L. Smith" on the envelope. Etiquette goes that when one is addressed this way and not told in the inviation they are allowed to bring one (or more) guest(s), they should come by themselves. In the example above, if you're having problems with Mr. Smith, Mrs. Smith has pretty much been told that she cannot bring Mr. Smith to the wedding because his name is not on the invite (usually when invites are addressed this way there is an insert that says "you may bring a guest or spouse"). However, sometimes people tend to ignore the fact that their spouse's or children's names are not on the invite and bring them anyway. If this is the case, put in the invite "you may invite one (or more) guest(s) to the reception". That way, people will know to whom the invite is to and to whom it is not. It's a good way to hint without being too obvious that you don't want certain people at the ceremony.

Answer 7

Be specific on the invitation and don't invite people who could cause a disruption. If the person we're talking about is his father's girlfriend, he'll need to speak to his father and advise him of your joint decision and remain firm. His father may get upset and choose not to attend, but let that be his decision. You both will need to stand your ground. It is your wedding, after all, and you may invite or exclude whoever you wish. Just be prepared to let the chips fall where they may.

Answer 8

I think you can ivite who ever or not invite whoever you want its your day and when you look back on this day it should only be with goood memories and not with any regret I know this sounds chhesy but follow your heart you know whats right for your wedding and maybe whats not right.

Good Luck and Have a great Wedding

Answer 9

I think I would word it as, Since we have limited seating, the Ceremony is limited to invitation only. For the reception, please mark the number of persons attending below.

Answer 10

I recommend not dealing with something that complicated with an invitation. Talk to the person you want to have there and see what they say. it's possible that they will choose to not go to avoid complications, or they will be able to explain the situation and control the problem guest. but they should know that their guest is their responsibilty. and you shouldnt have to deal with anyone you dont want to at your wedding!