I ask because I have people that I don't associate much with anymore... they expect me to answer nosy question, they guilt trip me into meeting their expectations. They make me feel bad about myself and so I have decided to do what is best for me. Not be with them... despite the fact they think I am oligated to them because of family ties...
Is it selfish to do what is best for you without obligation? Or does family blood mean you are olbigated to these people, despite the effect they have on you, and even subtely on your children...
2007-01-29 07:47:44 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I believe in two rules:
1) To thine ownself be true.
2) And it harm none, do what you will.
So yes, always do what's best for you. But always be aware of what effect your actions may have on others. But, don't let them guilt you into doing things that are against your nature or you don't feel is right to do or could be harmful to you in any way. This is controlling nature by bullies.
A great book to read about this exact subject is "When I say 'NO' I feel guilty" by Manuel J. Smith.
2007-01-29 07:54:03 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Is it selfish? I suppose one could argue... but that's not the same thing as 'wrong'. Even if it were, I'd rather be happy than right. It's your life. Your rules. YOU decide what your obligations are. Relatives can't sue you for not meeting their expectations or not paying enough attention to them.
Sometimes a little selfishness can be the best thing for your health, your mental health, and your children. I did the same thing, and I'm much happier. My only regret was not excluding that person sooner.
2007-01-29 07:55:04 · answer #2 · answered by KC 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Family may be important, but you are a free individual... you can decide for yourself how much you want to be part of any one community, be it family, school, religion, or nation. The key is to maintain balanced ties... relationships where you are giving and receiving in roughly equal measure.
I think that family ties can be just as imbalanced as non-family relationships, so you need to decide how much you value the connection. I would value my immediate family over more distant relations, like cousins and in-laws. What really matters, though, is how much someone contributes to your life, not how closely related you are.
2007-01-29 08:02:24 · answer #3 · answered by pao 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have every right and a responsibility to protect yourself. You are not turning your back because of malice or disrespect, but for self preservation. They sound like they are not letting you be the person that you can be. How could you when they surround you with negativity and demands. This can be very suffocating and depressing. You are not here to save them or allow them to live vicariously through you. Tell them all to seek counseling, and until they can respect you and your space you need to keep your distance. People treat you the way you let them trat you, so I am glad to see you put your foot doown. Good for you
2007-01-29 08:01:36 · answer #4 · answered by w2kaad 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
listen you said the magic word ..DO WHATS BEST for YOU..in life we have an obligations to our children our husbands/wife and some family but if you feel like you want better to yourself then why surround yourself with the negative..some people just dont like to see others do well...but also it is part of growing up when you separate and make a change for the better...for ex: when we are young we have friends that we know for a long time but as times and years passes we sometimes realize that we have out grown them and its time to move on..so stay around positive people..and lead a good healty life...
2007-01-29 07:56:02 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
no, family blood is not an obligation.... Everyday families break that tie by putting strain on it in one way or another. Cut the ties that hold you back and hurt your kids. If you have to, make them a holiday sufferage. And then reward yourself! But remember, someday they will be dead and buried, will you want to miss out on anything with them? It's what's best for you and yours, not them and theirs.
2007-01-29 08:02:24 · answer #6 · answered by WifeandMom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Self Preservation.
2007-01-29 08:19:56 · answer #7 · answered by shoes_717 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The word family does not equate to obligation or exploitation. You're not even obligated to love your family members. Imagine, for example, a family member sexually assaults or murders one of your children. Would you feel obligated in any way to supporting that family member? People who feel a sense of duty when it comes to family are mistaken, as are those who feel it is the duty of their family members to help them.
2007-01-29 07:52:17 · answer #8 · answered by Mickey Mouse Spears 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to do whats best for you, if you don't take care of yourself no one else is. people are going to talk regardless and the more you give people just want more. the only obligation you have is to yourself.
2007-01-29 08:06:18 · answer #9 · answered by fallen_angel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your family, meaning you, your children, spouse come first. If contact with other family affects these negativly you aren't under obligations.
2007-01-29 07:52:55 · answer #10 · answered by menagainstamazoniammasterhood 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋