How do I prepare myself for my boyfriend's possible deployment?

Question

While it's been there as a possibility since the beginning (we've been together nearly 8 months now) it's getting closer to becoming reality and I just don't know how to handle this. I guess I naively thought it really wouldn't happen as he's already been over there plenty (he's been in the army almost 19 years). I guess what I'm looking for is advice from someone who's 'been there done that'.

Thanks!

Perhaps I should clarify a bit - we did talk about this from the beginning as a remote possibility.

I've heard plenty of stories what some of the wives/girlfriends did while they were away...unbelievable.

There is a support group within his unit, but I don't feel comfortable joining up with that (and as a matter of fact, his mother doesn't even belong to it anymore as the leadership of that group practically harassed her).

I guess I was looking for more the emotional part of it more than anything. Breaking up is not an option. I don't have kids to worry about but full time job as well as school to keep my occupied.

I don't need to hear about him coming home in pieces as I do pay close attention to the news and not blind to what's going on over there.

We will be talking more indepth about this tonight as he just informed me last night after a very long day and he was too exhausted for discussion.

I do appreciate nearly all the answers I have received so far.

Answer 1

I'm in the military, and I've been deployed numerous times. Here are some things that you and your boyfriend can do to help each other both get through his deployment more easily...

First of all, you need to sit down and talk to each other. Tell each other how you're feeling right now. Share your anxieties and concerns, and then agree on some of the following things that you can do for each other...

Something for both of you:
-Before he leaves, he should find out what kind of communication he'll have access to (phone, email, regular mail, etc.), then consider any possible complications that might put him out of touch with you for an extended period while he's gone. Work out a planned routine for how you'll try to stay in touch, and have a backup plan for when Plan A isn't an option. You don't want to be left thinking the worst if he has to spend some time away from a phone or a computer with an Internet connection.

Things that he can do:
- Letter writing is a great way for him to tell you how he's doing and keep you in his thoughts.
- If he doesn't like to write, he can take a tape recorder or MP3 recorder with him and send you voice messages instead. (This is something you can do for him too. It's great to hear the voice of a loved one when you're so far away from home.)
- If he can take a digital camera, that's a great way for him to show you how he's doing and what his days are like
- He should plan ahead so as not to miss any special days like anniversaries or birthdays (not just for you, but for other family members). It's a good idea to buy cards for these occassions in advance and take them with him to mail home later.
- He should check to see if his base or unit has any support groups that you can participate in while he's gone. Spouses of deployed military members usually have great support networks, and girlfriends are often totally welcome too. After all, you're all in the same boat, and it's good to have someone to talk to who completely understands what you're going through.

Things that you can do:
-Share your everyday events with him. Descriptions of the movie you just saw on TV, what his Mom said to you yesterday, that weird guy you saw at the mall, and so on will generally be more interesting than you think. When you're away from all that, it's nice to hear about the normal things going on at home. It's also a good way to let him feel involved in your day to day routines and stay connected with you and life back home.
- If possible, send mail on a frequent and regular basis. Send photos, care packages, dumb toys to play with, and anything to help break the monotony of his day. Believe me...life when you're deployed can be extremely monotonous, and even the simplest little thing out of the ordinary can help brighten your day. Once one guy got a care package with packs of water balloons in it, and we had a blast that day!
- Make a countdown calendar to help you mark off the days until he comes home.
- In your communication while he's gone, work together on planning a reunion when he comes home. It doesn't have to be anything big or fancy, just something fun for both of you. Planning this gives you something to talk about, and it gives both of you something to look forward to.

The websites linked below have lots more good information that you should check out. I hope these tips help. Best of luck to you and your boyfriend!

Answer 2

Write often. You cannot prepare unless it is to break-up. If you can't stand being alone or deal with the possibility that he may come back a little different than how he was when he left, then you aren't military girlfriend/spouse ready.

I don't mean to be a downer, but it's a really huge downer for guys to worry about what their wife/girlfriend is doing back here. You can't be too needy, because he's the one in the war zone.

If you really love him, you will be sad for a while then learn how to keep busy so that you can get by. It's not an easy life, but few things worthwhile are.

Freedom isn't free, and dependents/friends pay too.

Best wishes.

Answer 3

Be strong for your self and him. When my husband left on his 5th deployment in 6 years I thought I would be a pro at it and it wouldn't bother me as much as every other time but it did. I knew that if I cried and sobbed in front of him it would only make him feel bad and that's not what he needs just before he deploys, after he leaves cry your little eye balls out. If he knows that that you can be strong for him and for your self he wont worry as much. Depending on where he's going you may be able to talk to him every day, every other day or at least once a month. I use to write my hubby letters once a week, and once a month I would send a care package with pictures of our daughter and myself and even the cat. If you write every day you run out of things to say. Good luck and remember that even though you're not a military wife you're going through what every one of us has or is going through so you're not alone. Be strong and good luck.

Answer 4

Remember that its okay to be emotional and to cry sometimes. You'll probably do a lot of that. If you live on or near the base a lot of times they will have support groups or a little group of wives and girlfriends of other men in his group that will get together and hang out or just be there for each other. You might want to look in to that before he leaves. I've done this a few times before so I know what you're going through.

Answer 5

i always tell myself when my husband get deployed it not really going to happen..yet it does. you have to go on doing the thing you normally would do...work, college and taking care of a family if you have one. keep in contact...thank god for email. sometime it's hard even to email. so you write once you get an address. send him packages or cards. just because you may not hear from him all the time doesn't mean he doesn't hear from you. sometimes it hard to contact loved one on deployment, the service member is real busting their butts off. also when you do get those phone calls be positive...even if you had a crappy day. i have kids and there are time they drive me nuts while on the phone, but sometime you just have to tune out things.
another thing which i hate to mention....don't do thing which you might regret. okay i hate being the moral police. i've seen gals do thing and then it just a big mess later. have fun not to the point where you might lose someone you love deeply.
i hope this helps my husband has been in for 14yrs. married him while his was in the navy. all his deployment time added up is over 9yrs and we are going on 12yrs of marriage.

Answer 6

Be supportive and try not to be too emotional in front of him. Let him know that you love him and that you will be waiting for him when he gets back. I really missed my boyfriend when he deployed to Iraq last year for 9 months. I was so blue after he left, but he gave me some really good advice. He said "You are not living your life! Just live your life and have fun, I will jump right back in when I return." and he did. We just got married in November and he just deployed again the beginning of the month. It can be tough especially the weekends, but the best thing to do is find a hobby and hang with friends (or make new friends if you don't have many). Keep your chin up...you'll survive this.

Answer 7

I have been there MANY times as an Army wife. It can be hard. The best way to handle things is to keep yourself busy. Get involved with your FRG. Even as a girlfriend your Man can get you in contact with them. They can keep you up to date on everything it makes a big difference. If possible help out with the FRG. They are always short on help and the guys need the support when they are away. If you are near the post, you can really get involved in just about everything. Make sure he gives you contact numbers if you need anything. In the beginning lots of letters help a lot. Then once he gets internet contact keep that current. Sometimes my husband and I talked so much, I even needed a break from him, lol. There are other things you should be warned about, but I don't want to mention them on here. So if you have other questions please feel free to email me.

Answer 8

You can't prepare, you have to live through the experience day by day. I am the wife of a prowd retired Military man. I loved being a military wife but it can be hard on the children. We had 5. We love our country. God Bless Our Troops

Answer 9

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Answer 10

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